The Present is All We Really Have

Barbara,

MTE had your name all the time. I just hadn’t received notification yet. Thanks so much for your donation in Gregory’s memory! So far they have raised $2,500.00, so pleased. I will be writing personal thank you's when I get the chance.

Yes this is a period of adjustment. For me I learned to live on a day to day basis without the Gregory I knew, when he went into Lieberman some 18 months ago. I am happy not to be going there every day. But I do miss him. And as you said the physicality of being able to hold him is difficult and I got so used to the  new “interactions” we developed as he continued loosing abilities. 

M: "You know what?" 

G: "What?" 

M: "I love you." 

G: "I love you." 

M: "You make me very happy." 

G: Laughter  

M: "I will always be here for you!"

For me two main issues are “haunting” me. 

1) Moving on to what will be the next chapter of my life. While I am trying to be good to myself and not rush things, I cannot yet envision what that will be. The idea of growing old alone is a little scary. My own mortality is a little scary. and 

2) Trying to make sense out of nonsense which is what life, death, Gregory’s journey, his death, and my life seem to be.  Periodically I loose faith in my understanding of what it is all about. Then I remember "Love and be loved!"

But as I said, I am being good to myself. I am allowing “day at a time” with no expectations, not too many plans, keeping myself busy so I don’t get overwhelmed by it all, and at times getting overwhelmed by it all. 

I will make a few short trips in the coming months. Am going to be with Gregory’s family this weekend. Want to get to New Orleans for 4 for 5 days. Will probably go to Gregory’s Great Nephew’s wedding in March in South Carolina but still thinking about that one.

The More Than Ever Education Fund as being promoted and organized by La Casa Norte will keep me busy. They want me to be part of the planning of a Spring luncheon honoring the fund, memorializing Gregory, and presenting the first few scholarships. There will be media events, interviews, and meeting lots of new people.

Also, I need to visit my Lieberman friends, residents and staff, periodically. I did so last Sunday and it wasn’t too difficult to be there. 

At my request, there will be a Lieberman lunch meeting (I’ll provide the Kosher tray from Max’s Deli) for all the administrators, department heads, and key Special Memory Care Unit where Gregory lived.

By way of sharing my observations over the last 18 months and my premise that they provide great health care but fall down on the social/emotional/community aspect of life for people with Dementia/Alzheimer’s, I am presenting a “Fantasy Story” of what an IDEAL Lieberman Center Dementia/ Alzheimer's Unit could be. I'll publish that here later.

So again, as I am prone to do, I started writing this as a reply to you and with you in mind as I wrote, but you will see it again on my blog. Love you and your continued support!

Michael