Regaining My Heritage

With Gregory being at Lieberman Center for Health and Rehabilitation, which is run by CJE, Council for Jewish Elderly, my "roots" have been talking to me more and more. 

Many of the residents speak Russian, or Polish, or German but often Yiddish. My childhood experiences with listening to my Grandparents and parents speak Yiddish come back to me along with the meaning of many of the expressions. Fluent speaking Yiddish, no. Use of expressions, easy.

The adults would speak in Yiddish so the children wouldn't hear. The topics were gossipy, sexy joke dirty, about the kids, etc. But guess what. The kids began to understand what the adults were saying. We had to be careful not to giggle which would give away the fact that we understood what they were saying.

Meanwhile, my one word communications with many of the residents at Lieberman bring smiles, acknowledgements, and torrents of untranslated replies to which a smile seems enough. ZieGazunt - Stay well, Be good, Good Bye. Bisel - A little. Voos Maxtu - What's new? 

I am trying to learn more: 

The First Words You Learn

Selected Yiddish Words and Phrases - impress your friends and family
http://www.sbjf.org/sbjco/schmaltz/yiddish_phrases.htm
 
A BI GEZUNT: So long as you're healthy. Expression means, "Don't worry so much about a problem, whatever it is. You've still got your health."

ALTER COCKER: An old and complaining person, an old fart.

AY-YAY-YAY: A Joyous, or at times sarcastic, exclamation.

BALABUSTA: The wife of an important person or a bossy woman.

BEI MIR BIST DU SHAYN: To me you're beautiful.

BERRYER: Denotes a woman who has excellent homemaking skills. Considered a compliment in the pre-feminist era.

BISSEL, BISSELA: A little.

BOBBEMYSEH: Old wive's tales, nonsense.

BOYCHICK: An affectionate term for a young boy.

BROCHE: A prayer.

BUBBA: A grandmother.

BUBBALA: A term of endearment, darling.

BUPKES: Something worthless or absurd.

CHAYA: An animal. "Vilda Chaya," a wild animal, is a term used to describe unruly children.

CHAZEREI: Food that is awful, junk or garbage.

CHUTZPAH: Nerve; gall, as in a person who kills her parents and asks for mercy because she is an orphan.

DRECK: Shit. Can refer to the ugliness of objects or people.

ESS: Eat.

FAYGALA: A male homosexual. (literally, little bird.)

FERBLUNJIT: Lost, mixed up.

FERCOCKT: All fucked up.

FERDRAYT: Dizzy, confused.

FARPITZS: All dressed up.

FERMISHT: All shook up, as in an acute disturbance.

FERSHTAY?: Do you understand.

FRESS: To eat like an animal, i.e., quickly, noisily, and in great quantity. (Compare with ess, to eat like a human being.)

GAVALT: A cry of fear or a cry for help. Oy Gevalt is often used as expression meaning "oh how terrible."

GAY AVEK: Go away, get out of here.

GAY GA ZINTA HATE: Go in good health. Often said in parting but can be spoken with irony to mean, "go do your own thing."

GAY SHLAFEN: Go to sleep.

GELT: Money.

GONIF: A thief, a tricky clever person, a shady character.

GOY: A derogatory term meaning gentile, goyim is the plural, and goyisher is the adjective.

GREPSE: To belch.

GORNISHT: Nothing. Often used in a sarcastic manner, as in what did you get from her? Gunisht.

HAYMISH: Informal, friendly. A haimisher mensch is someone you feel comfortable with.

HOK A CHAINIK: To talk too much, to talk nonsense.

KIBITZ: To offer comments which are often unwanted during a game, to tease or joke around. A kibitzer gives unasked for advice.

KINE-AHORA: A magical phrase to ward off the evil eye or to show one's praises are genuine and not tainted by envy.

KLUTZ: An awkward, uncoordinated person.

KOSHER: Refers to food that it prepared according to Jewish law. More generally kosher means legitimate.

KVELL: To beam with pride and pleasure, Jewish parents are prone to kvell over their children's achievements.

KVETCH: To annoy or to be an annoying person, to complain.

LOCH IN KOP: Literally a hole in the head, refers to things one definitely does not need.

LUZZEM: Leave him be, let her or him alone.

MACH SHNEL: Hurry up.

MACHER: An ambitious person; a schemer with many plans.

MAVEN: An expert, a connoisseur.

MAZEL TOV: Good luck, usually said as a statement of support or congratulations.

MEESKAIT: A little ugly one; a person or thing.

MEGILLAH: Long, complicated and boring.

MENSCH: A person of character. An individual of recognized worth because of noble values or actions.

MESHUGGE or MESHUGGINA: Crazy.

MISHEGOSS: Inappropriate, crazy, or bizarre actions or beliefs.

MISHPOCHA: Family, usually extended family.

NACHES: Joy. To "shep naches" means to derive pleasure. Jewish children are expected to provide their parent with naches in the form of achievement. 

NARRISHKEIT: Foolishness, trivia.

NEBBISH: An inadequate person, a loser.

NOODGE: To bother, to push, a person who bothers you.

NOSH: To snack. 

NOSHERYE refers to food.

NU: Has many meanings including, "so?; How are things?; how about it?; What can one do?; I dare you!"

NUDNIK: A pest, a persistent and annoying person.

ONGEPOTCHKET: Messed up, slapped together without form, excessively and unesthetically decorated.

OY-YOY-YOY: An exclamation of sorrow and lamentation.

OY VEY: "Oh, how terrible things are". 

OH VEZ MEAR means "Oh, woe is me".

PISHER: A bed-wetter, a young inexperienced person, a person of no consequence.

PLOTZ: To burst, to explode, "I can't laugh anymore or I'll "plotz." To be aggravated beyond bearing.

POTCHKA: To fool around; to be busy without a clear goal.

PUPIK: Belly button.

PUTZ: A vulgarism for penis but most usually used as term of contempt for a fool, or an easy mark.

RACHMONES: Compassion.

SAYKHEL: Common sense.

SCHLOCK: A shoddy, cheaply made article, something thats been knocked around.

SCHMALTZ: Literally chicken fat. Usually refers to overly emotional and sentimental behavior.

SCHMUCK: A vulgarism for penis, strong putdown for a jerk, a detestable person.

SHADKHEN: a professional matchmaker.

SHANDA: A shame, a scandal. The expression "a shanda fur die goy" means to do something embarrassing to Jews where non-Jews can observe it.

SHAYGETS: A gentile boy and man, also means a clever lad or rascal.

SHAYNER: Pretty, wholesomely attractive, as in shayner maidel (woman.)

SHIKSA: A gentile girl or woman.

SHLEMIEL: A dummy; someone who is taken advantage of, a born loser.

SHLEP: To carry or to move about. Can refer to a person, a "shlepper," who is unkempt and has no ambition.

SHLIMAZL: A chronically unlucky person, a born loser, when a shlimazl sells umbrella the sun comes out.

SHMENDRICK: A weak and thin pipsqueak. The opposite of mensch, a a physically small shlemiel.

SHMEGEGGE: A petty person, an untalented person.

SHMATTA: A rag, often used as a putdown for clothes of the unfashionably dressed.

SHMEER: To spread as in to "shmeer" butter on bread. Can also mean to bribe and can refer to the "whole package", as in I'll accept the whole shmeer.

SHMOOZ: To hang out with, a friendly gossipy talk.

SHMUTZIK: Dirt.

SHNORRER: A begger, a moocher, a cheapskate, a chiseler.

SHNOZ: A Nose. Jimmy Durante was known as a the great shnoz.

SHTETL: A Jewish ghetto village.

SHTIK: A stick or thing. Often refers to an individual's unique way of presenting themselves, as in "She is doing her shtik."

SHTUNK: A stinker, a nasty person or a scandalous mess.

SHTUP: An expression for sexual intercourse, to "screw."

SHVITZ: To sweat, also refers to a Turkish bath house. A shvitzer means a braggart, a showoff.

SHVANTZ: A word for penis.

SPIEL: To play, as in to play a game.

TCHOTCHKA: An inexpensive trinket, a toy. Can also mean a sexy but brainless girl. The affectionate diminutive is tchotchkala.

TSETUMMELT: Confused, bewildered.

TSIMMES: A side dish, a prolonged procedure, an involved and troubling business, as in the phrase, "don't make a tsimmes out of it."

TSORISS: Suffering, woes.

TUCHES: Backside, ass, "tuches lecker" means ass kisser, one who shamelessly curries favor with superiors.

TUMMEL: Noise, commotion, disorder.

VER CLEMPT: All choked up.

VUS MACHS DA: What's happening? What's up?

YENTA: A busybody, usually refers to an older woman.

YENTZ: Course word for sexual intercourse. Also means to cheat or screw someone. Yentzer is the noun.

ZAFTIG: Juicy, plump. Can refer to food, ideas or people. A buxom woman.

ZIE GA ZINK: Wishing someone good health.

ZETZ: A strong blow or punch.

ZEYDE: Grandfather, or old man.

ZHLUB: An insensitive, ill-mannered person, a clumsy individual.

Such Opportunities!

Each day I am presented with so many ways to share joy, love, kindness ... and for this I am grateful. This is one of the most important, valued gifts that Gregory on his Journey with dementia has given to me.

When I arrive at Lieberman to see Gregory, he lights up and smiles and is happy. We hug and kiss or give a forehead "boink" as Gregory calls it. And I am happy.

Some days if he is not feeling well or is sleepy he has a hard time focusing on me having arrived. Still I hold on to my joy and refuse to revisit or seek the past of who we were or what we have been through, good or bad.

The staff always are cheerful and enjoy my greeting or send one my way first. I always make sure they know how much I appreciate them and what they do for Gregory as well as all the residents under their care.

I can reach out and offer my hand to one of my many family/friends/residents at Lieberman. For a number of them, my presence or arrival evokes a smile, a wave, a nod, a salute.

For others, a touch can mean so much to someone for whom outside stimulus is not readily available. A smile sometimes evokes a smile returned.

"How are you today?" I ask and usually get a smile or an "OK." If the answer is "Not so good." I can empathize and hope that tomorrow will be better.

But mostly, the residents are not too down and do not obsess. For some however, obsession and/or negativity is the way they interact with their world and maybe that is "OK" too?

The simple act of snapping a napkin around Martha's neck, cutting up Batia's food, offering to help feed Harun (with the usual "FUCK YOU!" You are dirty!) all bring joy.

How hard is it to make a peanut butter sandwich for Bill who usually doesn't like the day's offering? What does it take to tell Gerri that her son Howard says hello and sends his love and when asked where he is, fibbing that he is still at work?

Every time I get off the elevator, Mini is sitting there. Every time she asks, "Who are you?" "Why are you here?" "Where do you live?" "When is dinner." These is the only conversation I have had with her. Mini is 100 years old.

Betty's favorite comment is: "I want to go to my room." or "I want to go to bed." The usual reply is "OK. Why don't you eat a little more dinner and then you can go to bed." Sometimes it works. Most of the times brings, "I don't want it. I want to go to my room."

When one of the residents asks for help it is safer to refer the request to one of the Resident Care Associates. I've learned that there are some requests I can fulfill like bringing an extra napkin or getting more juice (making sure it has the correct level of thickening for that resident.)

A common request in the dining room or while watching TV in one of the wings, "I want to go to the bathroom. Or "Take me out of here." I have learned to offer, "You're next. The helper will get you next." It usually works and works fairly well because the element of "time" and/or "next" doesn't really exist for many of the residents.

Some of the family/friends/residents are so far progressed with their dementia that they are not at all present but I find that sometimes a "Hello" or touch does make a connection. I keep trying.

These are just a few of the opportunities that present themselves. And I am grateful for each interaction. I enjoy being with Gregory at Lieberman and look forward to my visits.

A staff photographer at Lieberman documents the various events. The photographs are nicely mounted on a poster and displayed on the floor so the residents can see them.

The photos on the top of this poster were from Gregory's art show. A number of residents from the other floors requested their photo be taken with Gregory (they all love him) and the group shot shows the pride and love his floor mates have for him.

The faces have been blurred for private purposes but you should still be able to get the idea of what a wonderful event this was for Gregory and for all of the attendees. Not pictured was the lovely cheese, fruit, and cracker platters that Lieberman provided.

Georgia on My Mind

One of the residents on Gregory's floor is Helen. She is a sweet, friendly, older black woman who is supported on a daily basis by her daughter Shirley and her cousin Georgia.

I try to get to know the relatives who visit often because I am there every day visiting Gregory and this is one way to build community with others in a similar situation.

One thing I have learned from those family members I chat with is that while there are often many brothers, sisters, children and grandchildren available, usually only one or two take on the responsibility of caring for the person with Alzheimer's (dementia.)

I have also seen that those who do take the responsibility see it as "what I do" and discount the absence of the others with a shrug or "What are you going to do?" I do not ever detect resentment or anger, just a continued focus of love for the resident family member.

Georgia and I chat and laugh together a lot. She is now retired but worked at a nursing home for close to 38 years. So she knows the drill and is good at it! Our relationship started when she and I were in the elevator going down to the lobby. "Are you leaving now?" I asked.

"No, I am just going out for a breath of fresh air." replied Georgia. The funny thing, and I tease he for it, is that her "Just going out for a breath of fresh air" meant going out to smoke a cigarette.

During a conversation yesterday about the lack of support from family members, Georgia told me that while Helen has many many children and grand children, only she and Helen's daughter Shirley ever visit.

She summed it up this way, "You never hear from family, but when their ham gets burnt they are at your front door for dinner."

Overheard at Lieberman

In "A" wing while the residents were watching TV. One resident to another resident who was a little upset. "They are beautiful here. You have no worries. They will attend to you."

Today At Lieberman

I greet Morse. "Hello." He only speaks Russian. "Shabbat Shalom," (Good Sabbath) he replies. P.S. Today is Monday not the Sabbath.

"How are you today?" I ask the Doctor (a resident.) "I'm here!" he replies. "Zaigasunt," I tell him (be healthy.) "That is a good idea!" he says smiling.

Betty's son is visiting. He tells me he is here for his daughter's (Betty's grand daughter) Bat Mitzvah. "Oh how nice," I reply directed towards Betty. "What is your grand daughter's name?" Betty thinks for a while, "I don't remember." She says looking at her son. "Lara," he replies. "Oh yes, a very forgettable name," comments Betty.

In the hall, Lucy sits on a chair next to the nurse's medicine cart. The nurse is busy preparing medications for other residents but you can tell that Lucy is getting great comfort just sitting next to the nurse watching her work.

In a corner, the social worker is talking with an upset woman resident, holding her hand, assuring her that her son will come to visit soon. "I hope so, I hope so," the resident says. Whether true or not, the exchange helps to calm the woman.

Manny is helping Gregory eat. Manny places some carrots on Gregory's fork and tells him, "Here, put the carrots in your mouth." Gregory concentrates deeply, slowly lifting his weighted, bicycle handle looking fork towards his mouth, keeps going past his mouth, and tries to feed the carrots to his forehead. Then he looks cross eyed, laughs, and put the carrots into his mouth.

GiGi

"J" sits at Gregory's table. She is in her 80's, newly arrived at Lieberman from a "home" in Florida. Met her son "H" and his lover "R." That evening, the dining room at Lieberman felt like a Gay Disco. You have heard me call it, at times, a Fellini movie without the background music. Thus the Gay Disco comparison. Lights flashing, people screaming out, bodies writhing ... and so many Gays in one place!

"J" has a "baby" who she calls GiGi, who she tries to feed, to whom she coos, and comments on how cute, how cute. Gregory has a Teddy Bear he likes to hold. In his case I think it is more having something to do with his hands than thinking he has reverted to motherhood once more. But in this situation, whatever keeps you happy!