Gregory Maire: Studies in Color and Form: Part 2 The Failure

Many of our wonderful family of friends were able to attend the 6:00 Opening Reception for Gregory's Art Show. The invitation was low key and I understood that the timing was not easy for a lot of people.

That said, thank you for being there or R.S.V.P.ing your not being able to join us: Pat, Isaac, Cheryl, Emily, Kathleen, Vic, Linda, George, Corinne, Nancy, Susan, Jan, Jake, Roger, Marc, Alan, Nancy, Dan, David, Danny. Hope I didn't forget anyone.

The day event at 2:00 was quite successful as you read in the previous post. Gregory was quite exhausted by 3:00 or 3:30 and went up to his room with Manny to take a nap and then have dinner from 4:30 until 5:30.

In anticipation for the 6:00 reception, Manny made sure that Gregory got changed and after he was changed he peed and pooped again and had to be changed again. This is not an easy task for Gregory or those involved.

It takes putting a sling around and under him, lifting him out of his wheel chair in this dinosaur type machine, swinging him over to the bed, lowering him onto the bed, removing the sling, rolling him from side to side to take away the soiled clothing, cleaning him up, and putting on new clothing. 

Gregory is unable to assist so when the aides move him around, no matter how gently, Gregory is uncomfortable, possible in a little pain, and while I am not sure if he is embarrassed anymore at not being able to toilet himself, perhaps this figures into the experience. 

Not sure at what point he "messed again" but having to go through even part of the ordeal again was not easy on Gregory or the aides.

By the time Gregory got down to the lobby all of his guests had arrived, hung up their coats, and were looking at the artwork. Gregory being exhausted, and possibly overwhelmed, was "not present." He sat nobly in his wheel chair but his eyes were closed. 

I tried "waking him up" if he was sleeping but I think that he just didn't want to open his eyes. I call this "My Seven Year Old Stubborn Little Boy Syndrome." 

Most likely he was so overwhelmed from the events of the first reception, then eating dinner and having to go through two "changes," that this was his way of just not wanting any more stimulation.

A number of people came up to say hello, to pet him, to try to get a reaction ... but none took place. I tried to get him to open his eyes several time ... but no go.

Next, as I was hugging him, I lost it. I stifled a loud sob, but not stifled soon enough for the group of friends not to hear. I cried into Gregory's neck/shoulder until I could gain my composure, took deep breath, and came up for air. I understand my eyes were not the only wet ones in the crowd.

At this point Gregory did open his eyes. I leaned in towards him and in my usual slow and carefully pronounced way I said, "I love you very much." He looked at me and replied, "I know."

Next I continued, "And you make me very very happy" to which he replied, "I know."

Then he looked me directly in my eyes and said loudly and clearly, "Thank You!" He closed his eyes and disappeared for the rest of the reception.

Enough said? I learned many lessons and had several insights. So calling the reception a "failure" is not really true.

First, I had hoped so much that he would be present for those people we value most in the world, our friends. Next I realized that I was disappointed in his behavior (erroneous) and embarrassed (erroneous) in front of our friends.

I also realized that this reception was another one of my attempts at making it seem, for Gregory and me, like our life is "normal" when in reality it is NOT! My expectations for Gregory had inadvertently caused him to become uncomfortable, not feel safe, and to withdraw.

I am not sorry about the experience because it is always a risk when trying to provide Gregory with "joy" and "meaning," I would not want to settle for less if I did not have to, and I was able to learn from it.

I need to be more aware of how much he will be able to take and when enough stimulation is enough. I need to keep in mind his comfort zone, not mine. 

While I felt disappointment and embarrassment, those were emotions triggered by old learning and no longer really a part of me, Gregory and my situation, and definitely not true triggers or true emotions.

I know that our family of friends were there to support both Gregory and me and I appreciate that. I know that Gregory was aware of the love and support that was in the room for him.

In the end, the most important part was Gregory letting me know he knows I love him, knows he makes me happy, and thanked me for letting him know that. That is all that really matters (and the new lessons hopefully not to be repeated next time.)

Gregory Maire: Studies in Color and Form: Part One The Success

On December 4, Gregory had an art show at The Lieberman Center. I will write about the opening reception in this and the next blog post. The first one took place at 2:00 for residents and was a great success. The second one took place at 6:00 for family and friends and it was a great failure ... but with a surprising twist.

If the first paragraph doesn't have you eagerly coming back to find out what happened, I don't have a good grasp on understanding the literary vehicle called the "Cliff Hanger." 

On a previous post I shared photos of the first floor area where the show took place. It looked great. Refreshments consisted of cheese, cracker, fruit platters, and apple juice all served in an adjoining room. In the excitement of the event, I did not remember to take any photos of the food which was beautifully catered by the Lieberman Kitchen.

Approximately fifty to seventy five people attended including residents from all floors, many residents from Gregory's floor, family members of residents, and staff. The Lieberman Life Enrichment Department ran the show helping residents get down to the first floor, partake of the refreshments, and above all see Gregory's paintings.

Since the event took place at "shift change," many of Gregory's nurses and resident care assistants (RCAs) were able to drop by, say hello, grab some food, and learn a little more about the talented man they help every day. Many of Lieberman's executives, directors, and coordinators etc dropped by briefly to say hello.

Every one got a "Free Post Card Souvenir" of the show and seemed pleased to have a little "take-away" to keep on their nightstand or desk or bulletin board. As I passed them out I used the above phrase so people would understand what they were getting and that the gift would not cost anything.

Music was playing in the background. People were moving around slowly viewing the paintings (by push kicking their wheel chair, being pushed in their chair by a helper, or walking on someone's arm) Visitors were enjoying the cheese, crackers, and fruit. Jan, a volunteer, documented the event taking photos. When I receive them, I will share the ones she took of Gregory, Mannny, and me but will not be able to show you the wonderful, happy, engaged, energized crowd due to privacy rules.

At one point our photographer organized a large group of people consisting of Gregory's "Community/Family" into a semicircle consisting of G at the center, Manny, me, six or seven staff members, and approximately a dozen of Gregory's "Floor Mates." Again, such joy was being shared by all.

Gregory, while still acclimating to his new medications, was fairly present and seemed to enjoy the all the attention he received. Several residents from other floors wanted to take a picture with him. Many compliments were given at how beautiful, colorful, etc his paintings were.

In the refreshment room, I welcomed everyone and thanked them for coming on Gregory's behalf and orchestrated a round of applause for him. His face showed a smile and he knew that the attention was directed at him.

There was a wonderful energy throughout the entire area and entire event which I have not seen in such proportions previously. Sometimes at a Sunday Afternoon Concert I have felt it but maybe because this was in honor of my Gregory, it felt stronger to me.

I think that all of the residents felt good at being included in this celebration, happy at knowing Gregory, and excited by the novelty afforded them on this Thursday afternoon.

I am so grateful to the Life Enrichment Department (including Andrea, Wanda, and Katherine, and Leslie) to Gregory's Social Worker (Hannah,) to the head nurse on Gregory's floor (Alicia,) to Gregory's Activities Director (Alma,) to the Lieberman Kitchen Staff, to our Photographer (Jan,) to Lieberman's Volunteer Coordinator (Debra,) to Gregory's Helper (Manny,) and to others which I have inadvertently failed to mention who helped provide this experience to celebrate Gregory.

Finally, I am grateful to everyone at Lieberman who makes this community a safe, happy, comfortable, enriching place for not only Gregory but for so many people to live the rest of their lives being well taken care of with dignity and respect and love.

Gregory's Art Show

So excited about Gregory's Art Show tomorrow at Lieberman in the first floor lobby. The show of 26 pieces was hung today and tomorrow there are two receptions: 2:00-3:00 and 6:00-6:30. Refreshment are provided by Lieberman. Here is a sneak preview for those of you who will be attending and a this is what it looked like for those of you who cannot attend.