Always

Yesterday at Lieberman the Sunday afternoon entertainment was provided by Eraina on the piano. After playing several classical selections, she passed out a booklet of tattered, well used, but large print readable, clearly numbered lyric pages. The songs she selected were good for the "crowd" and I was surprised how many of the attendees were able to read and/or sing along.

One in particular moved me to tears as I sang it to Gregory. What made it poignent was that he looked at me, with intense eye contact through the entire song. Often he has trouble focusing, let along for a long period of time. This time he was mine, and I was his. He even knowingly shook his head "Yes" several times. We held hands throughout.

Here is the song:

https://soundcloud.com/mhorvich/always
as sung by Mandy Patinkin

Opens in new window. Click red arrow in upper left hand corner to hear song.

ALWAYS

Everything went wrong,
And the whole day long
I'd feel so blue.
For the longest while
I'd forget to smile,
Then I met you.
Now that my blue days have passed,
Now that I've found you at last - 

I'll be loving you always
With a love that's true always.
When the things you've planned
Need a helping hand,
I will understand always.

Always.

Days may not be fair always,
That's when I'll be there always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But always.

Dreams will all come true
Growing old with you
and time will fly
carrying each day more
than the day before
'til spring rolls by
then when the spring  time has gone
then will my love linger on 

I'll be loving you, oh always
With a love that's true always.
When the things you've planned
Need a helping hand,
I will understand always.

Always.

Days may not be fair always,
That's when I'll be there always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,

But always.

Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But always.

Frank Sinatra's Young At Heart

I am visiting Gregory at The Lieberman on Monday which is also music day at 3:00.

A volunteer comes in each Monday and Thursday and sings American Songbook type songs, accompanied by his guitar, from 3:00-4:00.

All of the residents are "parked" in the "A Wing " living room in their wheel chairs, or on a chair or sofa if able, listening to the music, or sleeping, or staring into the distance. 

Some very few (maybe three) sing along in their cracked, out of tune older voices and some clap (maybe another three) in their out of rhythm weak sounding way.

Today during music time, I sat next to Gregory and studied each unique, wrinkled face decorated by time and troubles as well as by time and joys.

I wondered at each life, now basically over. I wondered at each mind, where is it and what is it thinking. 

For the most part, the 38 some residents were in the same (only different) "here and now" in which Gregory resides. 

But I wondered, and studied each face, and periodically wiped away the tears as I listened to the lyrics. 

These lyrics, which in the past I would have taken for granted, were today ERRONEOUS and OUT OF TUNE and PAINFUL for me to hear. 

Fairy tales CAN come true but they also fade and die ... as do we all!

FRANK SINATRA LYRICS

"Young At Heart"

Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you
If you're young at heart.
For it's hard, you will find, to be narrow of mind
If you're young at heart.

You can go to extremes with impossible schemes.
You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams.
And life gets more exciting with each passing day.
And love is either in your heart, or on it's way.

Don't you know that it's worth every treasure on earth
To be young at heart.
For as rich as you are, it's much better by far
To be young at heart.

And if you should survive to 105,
Look at all you'll derive out of being alive!
And here is the best part, you have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart.

And if you should survive to 105,
Look at all you'll derive out of being alive!
And here is the best part, you have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart.

Oh, Gregory. Oh, Gregory

Overwhelmed with sadness, loneliness, and tears.
Speakers turned up to blast. Tears set at flood.


To hear song with Mandy Patinkin


ALWAYS

Everything went wrong,
And the whole day long
I'd feel so blue.
For the longest while
I'd forget to smile,
Then I met you.
Now that my blue days have passed,
Now that I've found you at last - 

I'll be loving you always
With a love that's true always.
When the things you've planned
Need a helping hand,
I will understand always.

Always.

Days may not be fair always,
That's when I'll be there always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But always.

Dreams will all come true
Growing old with you
and time will fly
carrying each day more
than the day before
'til spring rolls by
then when the spring  time has gone
then will my love linger on 

I'll be loving you, oh always
With a love that's true always.
When the things you've planned
Need a helping hand,
I will understand always.

Always.

Days may not be fair always,
That's when I'll be there always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,

But always.

Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But always.

The Rainbow Connection: Part One of a Trilogy

Makes me cry?

RAINBOW CONNECTION
Kermit the Frog

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbow's are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What so we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called
The young sailors
I think they're one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

No Day But Today 

Artist: Idina Menzel from "Life: Barefoot At The Symphony

There’s only us, there’s only this
Forget, regret, or life is yours to miss
No other path, no other way
No day but today

There’s only us, only tonight
We must let go to know what’s right
No other road, No other way
No day but today

I can’t control my destiny
I trust my soul, my only goal
Is just to be

There’s only now, there’s only here
Give in to love or live in fear
No other path, No other way
No day but today

There’s only us, There’s only this
Forget, regret, or life is your’s to miss
No other road, no other way
No day but today

More lyrics for "Michael's Down Play LIst."


IF YOU GO AWAY
(Ne Me Quitte Pas) (Jacques Brel / Rod McKuen)
Especially as sung by Shirley Horn


If you go away on this summer day Then you might as well take the sun away All the birds that flew in the summer sky When our love was new and our hearts were high When the day was young, and the night was long And the moon stood still for the nightbird's song If you go away, if you go away, if you go away 


But if you stay, I'll make you a day Like no day has been or will be again We'll sail the sun, we'll ride on the rain We'll talk to the trees and worship the wind Then if you go, I'll understand Leave me just enough love to fill up my hand If you go away, if you go away, if you go away


If you go away, as I know you will You must tell the world to stop turning 'til You return again, if you ever do For what good is love without loving you? Can I tell you now, as you turn to go I'll be dying slowly 'til the next hello? If you go away, if you go away, if you go away


But if you stay, I'll make you a night Like no night has been or will be again I'll sail on your smile, I'll ride on your touch I'll talk to your eyes that I love so much But if you go, go! I won't cry Though the good is gone from the word goodbye If you go away, if you go away, if you go away


If you go away, as I know you must There'll be nothing left in the world to trust Just an empty room, full of empty space Like the empty look I see on your face I'd have been the shadow of your shadow If I thought it might have kept me by your side If you go away, if you go away, if you go away

No Day But Today

Every now and then I find a song that I add to "Michael's Down" playlist on my iTunes. When I get depressed or down and feel the need for a really good cry, I turn up the speakers, play the tunes on my playlist. Usually I do this when Gregory is out for his daily walk. It gives me the space to grieve without making him feel badly. Sometimes I will go out for a walk - ear buds plugged in, iPhone in pocket, tears in eyes. If it gets bad enough I blast the speakers while he is home. He gives me my space and afterwards we hug and "make up." Sometimes we share a tear or two. I try not to do the later too often because it feels like my being down is punishing him. But he knows I get sad and it is better to admit it out loud than trying to cover my feelings with him knowing anyway. Here are the lyrics from one such song. Will share more in future blogs.


No Day But Today
From RENT
Sung by Idina Menzel


There’s only us, there’s only this
Forget, regret, or life is yours to miss
No other path, no other way
No day but today

There’s only us, only tonight
We must let go to know what’s right
No other road, No other way
No day but today

I can’t control my destiny
I trust my soul, my only goal
Is just to be

There’s only now, there’s only here
Give in to love or live in fear
No other path, No other way
No day but today

There’s only us, There’s only this
Forget, regret, or life is your’s to miss
No other road, no other way 
No day but today


No day but today
(No day but today)
No day but today
(No day but today)
No day but today
(No day but today)
No day but today

No Day But Today (From Rent)

Another song lyrics that put things in perspective when I am feeling down. Makes me cry. Makes me feel better. I love him and he loves me!


NO DAY BUT TODAY
From "Rent"
As Sung by Idena Menzel


There’s only us, there’s only this
Forget, regret, or life is yours to miss
No other path, no other way
No day but today

There’s only us, only tonight
We must let go to know what’s right
No other road, No other way
No day but today

I can’t control my destiny
I trust my soul, my only goal
Is just to be

There’s only now, there’s only here
Give in to love or live in fear
No other path, No other way
No day but today

There’s only us, There’s only this
Forget, regret, or life is your’s to miss
No other road, no other way 
No day but today


No day but today
(No day but today)
No day but today
(No day but today)
No day but today
(No day but today)
No day but today

Always

On the way home today I listened to "Always" on my iPhone sung by Mandy Patinkin. The tears flowed but the windshield wipers were going so everything evened out. These are my affirmations that followed by the lyrics of the song.


I will always love Gregory.
I do not want to be afraid.
I do not want to be angry.
I do not want to be sad.


I only want to be kind.
I only want to be loving.
I only want to be understanding.
I only want to be supportive.


I am working on changing these "I DO NOT WANTs" to " I AM NOT" and the "I ONLY WANTs" to "I AM!" I will get there.


I will always love Gregory.
I am not afraid.
I am not angry.
I am not sad.
I am kind.
I am loving.
I am understanding.
I am supportive.


ALWAYS
By: Chet Forrest, Bob Wright, Edward Ward


Everything went wrong
And the whole day long
I'd feel so blue.


Walk along the swile
I'd forget to smile
Then I met you.


Now that my blue days have passed
Now that I have found you at last.


I'll be loving you always
With a love thats true, always.
When the things you've planned
Need a helping hand
I will understand, always. 


Days may not be fair, always
That's when I'll be there, always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year.



Dreams will all come true
Growing old with you
And time will fly
Caring each day more
Than the day before
Til Spring rolls by.


Then when the Spring time had gone,
Then will my love linger on.


I'll be loving you always,
with a love that's true, always.
When the things you've planned,
need a helping hand,
I will understand, always, always.

Days may not be fair, always.
That's when I'll be there, always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year, but always.

Believe

On this last day of the Christmas/New Year's holiday, I want to share these lyrics with you. This is what Christmas is for Gregory and me. Even though we have been through a lot, we are blessed and we celebrate the magic that is our relationship, a relationship which will always be magic no matter what comes to pass. Christmas always helps remind us of what is important ... so we can keep going for another year.
Sending you my love,
Michael


BELIEVE
Josh Groban


Children, sleeping.
Snow is softly falling.
Dreams are calling, 
Like bells in the distance.
We were dreamers,
Not so long ago.
But one by one, we
All had to grow up.

When it seems the magic slipped away... 
We find it all again on Christmas Day.

Believe in what your heart is saying, 
Hear the melody that's playing.
There's no time to waste, 
There so much to celebrate.
Believe in what you feel inside,
Give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need, if you just believe.

Trains move quickly
To their journey's end.
Destinations...
Are where we begin again.
Ships go sailing,
Far across the sea.
Trusting starlight, 
To get where they need to be.

When it seems that we have lost our way...
We find ourselves again on Christmas Day.

Believe in what your heart is saying, 
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste, 
There so much to celebrate.
Believe in what you feel inside,
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need, if you just Believe.

If you just believe.
If you just believe.
If you just believe...just believe...just believe.

I mentioned in previous BLOGs that every now and then I find a song that I add to “Michael’s Down” playlist on my iTunes. When I get depressed or down enough to need a really good cry, I turn up the speakers and play the tunes on my playlist. Usually feel better after a good cry. Here is another one of the songs on my playlist:


All I Need To Know
By: Kenny Chesney
Sung By: Bette Middler


Look at my face. I know the years are showin'.
Look at my life. Still don't know where it's goin'.
I don't know much, but I know I love you,
and that may be all I need to know.

Look at these eyes. Oh, they never see what matters.
And look at these dreams, so beaten and so battered.
I don't know much, but I know I love you,
and that may be all I need to know.

So many questions and still no answers.
I climb and climb but never get the view.
But when I hold you near me sometimes I feel so clearly
the only truth I'll ever know is me and you.

In my heart I long for inspiration.
And in my soul I know someday I'll find salvation.
I don't know much, but I know I love you,
and that may be all I need to know.

In my heart you're my inspiration.
And in my soul I know love is our salvation.
I don't kow much, but if I know you love me,
that will be all I need to know.
I don't know much, but if you say you love me,
that will be all I need to know.

If You Go Away

I mentioned in a previous BLOG that every now and then I find a song that I add to “Michael’s Down” playlist on my iTunes. When I get depressed or down enough to need a really good cry, I turn up the speakers and play the tunes on my playlist. Usually feel better after a good cry. 


I was driving on the Edens Expressway, on my way to the dentist, when this one came on. Not easy to drive at 55 mph, through tears. I have adapted the lyrics to apply to "Living with Alzheimer's." The changes reflect the nature of the disease which causes the person afflicted to have good days and difficult days as he slowly disappears and the need to make each day count.

IF WHEN YOU GO AWAY (Ne Me Quitte Pas) 
(Jacques Brel / Rod McKuen)
As sung by Shirley Horn


If when you go away on this summer day
Then you might as well take the sun away
All the birds that flew in the summer sky
When our love was new and our hearts were high
When the day was young, and the night was long
And the moon stood still for the nightbird's song
if when you go away, if when you go away, if when you go away


But if when you stay, you're here I'll make you a day
Like no day has been or will be again
We'll sail the sun, we'll ride on the rain
We'll talk to the trees and worship the wind
Then if  when you go, I'll understand
Leave me just enough love to fill up my hand
if When you go away, if when you go away, if when you go away


if When you go away, as I know you will
You must tell the world to stop turning 'til
You return again, if you ever do
For what good is love without loving having you?
Can I tell you now, as you turn to go
I'll be dying slowly 'til the next hello?
if When you go away, if when you go away, if when you go away


But if when you stay you're here I'll make you a night
Like no night has been or will be again
I'll sail on your smile, I'll ride on your touch
I'll talk to your eyes that I love so much
But if when you go, go! I won't cry
Though the good is gone from the word goodbye
if When you go away, if when you go away, if when you go away


if When you go away, as I know you must
There'll be nothing left in the world to trust
Just an empty room, full of empty space
Like the empty look I see on your face
I'd have been the shadow of your shadow
If I thought it might have kept me by your side
if When you go away, if when you go away, if when you go away