What Really Matters at the End of Life

My friend Carol, who has family at Lieberman and who shares the Secretary position to my Vice President position on the Lieberman Family Council, shared this with me. It is very timely and carries a profound message about life and death.

An E-Mail to C and M, Our Niece and Nephew

C & M

How about a visit Wed August 7 through Sunday August 11? We have theater tickets the next weekend.Want to spend longer so G and I could enjoy the area, spend more time with R & L, and more being with M & D. Of course we can never get enough time with you guys but understand that you'll be working during the week. No expectations for your being available during the week.

Interesting comment on thinking about what is still to come. Do you have any idea of what you might be looking for? You certainly are a success in your personhood, your real estate career, your love relationship, etc But I guess that you are still young enough to aspire to more, bigger, better, different, etc. 

For me, I feel that I can relax on that account because I have achieved much and have what I want (given G's Alzheimer's.) I do not find the need to prove myself or to "earn my keep" in society. Been there done that. While Michael's Museum was great and continues to be a wonderful legacy I am happy it is over. I also recently quit Ragdale because my efforts and volunteerism there began to feel like a job. Feels good to say goodbye to them while I hold on to the fond memories of my residency in 2010.

One continuing desire is to be a published author. Not self-publicaiton but bigger. So I guess I think about that but not obsessively and many not strongly enough to really get it done. 

I have begun my first attempt at writing fiction. Based on my real psychic past life regression experience which I think we have talked about. I am researching the time period of each "life" and trying to flesh out a chapter for each person I have been based on the regressions: Carny, Nun, Farm Wife, Rural Child, and Renaissance Baker. 

Travel might be a possibility but only will happen if I can do it by myself, with G being taken care of, and while OK it is a little lonely to do so without him. P has said it would be fun to travel together. She spent a long weekend with G and I in Mexico and I think we would get along as travel partners. 

But for the most part I am content to be at home with Gregory. I can fantasize about big trips to Europe or Japan etc but don't really believe that I have it in me, even with help. Maybe when the ship comes in and we can take R or P along all expenses paid it would make it easier, or with you and M. Fun to think about.

I would like to have more avenues to express my creativity but that seems back door to getting through each day. Sometimes I think that I can NEVER be creative ENOUGH! 

I find that Gregory and my world continues to narrow and we pull in but that is probably a combination of old age and his illness. We keep busy, see friends, entertain, are entertained, enjoy the movies on DVD and our theater and opera adventures. I do not feel the need to accomplish anything great or volunteer and give give give anymore.

G's birthday party was best attended ever with close to 50 people attending. All had a good time. But I find myself saying I need to cut back, after all planning, executing, and cleaning up after a party like that for a man who is almost 70 years old takes its toll. I am not crying "old man" but am getting older, aren't I? Next year fully catered or just having people in for fireworks, cake, and birthday wishes.

Agreed good and bad are one and both part of being alive. One must take the one with the other.

Regarding your question, we are doing fine. I am feeling a little constricted since we have no companion and I had gotten used to have some freedom and alone time. I expect more students will respond to our notice when they begin returning to campus.

Meanwhile I have enlisted R and J to be with Greg for three times so I can investigate Memory Care Facilities in the area. We are far from that need with many options available but I want to know what is available and get a sense for how it might make me feel to think about having to place Gregory if and when it comes to that.

As far as sad, I am sad but that is part of the "life of good and bad" we spoke of. Some days seem slow and dull and others are more fun. But sadness seems to ride on my shoulders as part of who we are today. If I can get through a day evenly without not to many "confusions" with Gregory, I am content.

As far as Gregory's sad, I think he is just getting more and more tired, a little more withdrawn, and more settled into being "less." But he is happy, appreciative, enjoys his food and TV etc.

All for now.

Love you both lots.

m

Joyful Heart

Noticed that recently I have been in a good place. Not sure if Gregory has plateaued for the time being or if I have. I have been calm, patient, understanding, respectful. I have felt peaceful at a 9.5 out of 10 level. It feels good to feel good. Few if any apologies necessary, little if any guilt, lots if even abundant amounts of love.

Why? On one hand don't question or analyze the feelings just enjoy them. On the other hand look, learn, and grow.

Maybe things feel good because of how well our "Nobel Experiment" is working with Ken, Gregory's companion, living with us and while not needed all the time, being available 24/7.

Maybe Gregory is at a new plateau and we have learned how to deal with and accept the new challenges.

Maybe I have grown and continue to do so with the progress of my meditation and yoga classes with Corinne.

Maybe it is SPRING and the warmer weather and smell of tulips and hyacinths in the flower market air.

Maybe it is because of the renewed flow of creativity with my new endeavor at The Galleria, belonging to an artist collective, having a space in which to sell the results of my creativity, having fun with marketing and signage and display.

Whatever the reason, it feels good.

Busy. Back soon.

Working on taxes and new creative adventure:

1627 Sherman Avenue

Evanston, Illinois

featuring among 30+ artists

OPENING PARTY 

Friday April 12 5:00-8:00

I am pleased to announce that I have a space (MICHAEL BEADS) showing/selling my crocheted, beaded, rope necklaces and more at The Galleria in Evanston. The gallery features some 30 artist booths with handmade jewelry, apparel and local fashion, hats & scarves, handbags, bath and body, home accessories, candles, ornaments, gourmet treats, fine art prints, paintings, photography, fair trade, and much more!