How It Is Now

The key in the door turns
The memories are silent
Hiding least they evoke
Difficult memories.

Over the threshold one steps
Into the waiting abyss
The house filled to overflowing
With every last encounter.

Into the front hall closet
Onto the waiting hanger
You place your jacket gingerly
With others no longer owned.

Walking past the lonely bedroom
Into the front of the condo
Shelved and collected and scattered
With mementos, memorabilia, reminders.

Two grocery bags filled
With individual items
Then emptied into the cabinets
And refrigerator ... for one.

Dinner from the microwave
Emptied on a tray and taken
Into the TV room TV table
For flickering eating friendships.

The cats, two of them purring
Bringing life and joy to you
Without expectations to be filled
Joy on the shoulders of sorrow.

Then bedtime with the wrinkled sheets
Only your scent and your pillows
And the memories no longer silent
Keeping the night long and loving.

More on Cats

They get up on the kitchen counter.
They steal things by carrying them off.
They howl plaintively as if someone was killing them.
They play roughly.
They run around the condo.
They play under rugs.
They play with couch pillows.
They scratch the leather furniture.
They leave their fur on furniture.
They leave their fur on clothes.
They track litter on the floor.
They leave litter smell.
They claw.
They bite.
They chew up things.
They eat shoe laces.
They destroy things.
They are expensive to maintain.
They disrupt your sleep.
They break things.
They ignore you at times.
They stain your bedspread.

They love.

Is it worth it? I am trying to decide. SO many emotions. They do give back but I am having to weigh the pros and cons and so far you can tell who is winning.

Gregory is not able to help with any of their needs let alone any discipline or training, if such a thing is really possible with these two.

I would (will) feel really badly having to take them back to the shelter but I cannot let guilt rule my decision. Also, it is MY decision which is another down of Alzheimer's, no one to talk to, no one with whom to decide.

The Cats

The cats:
I buy their food.
I feed them.
I keep their water bowls filled.
I wash their bowls.
I clean up their litter.
I keep an eye on them.
I discipline them.
I pick up after them.
I take them to the vet.
I clip their nails.
I wash them periodically.
I brush them.
As of today,
I do not get much joy out of them.
Now and then they let me pick them up.
Now and then they purr.
Now and then they make me laugh.
Not enough return for the buck.
Not enough joy for the maintainance.
As of today,
I might get rid of them.
The cats.

You see, in my life there is only me,
But it is all about him.
And now it is all about him and them.
What about me? I?

I am sure I will feel better tomorrow.
Or not.

(Sorry CM and MM and GM.)