Kaddish: Jewish Prayer of Mourning

As many of you know, Gregory considered himself a "Recovered Catholic" and I consider myself a "Cultural Jew." Both of us considered ourselves spiritual without the need for adhering to any one particular religion.

I find, however at times like this, my childhood training and experiences as well as the "cultural" part of my Judaism does give me comfort.

Jews pray three times a day, morning, afternoon and night. The morning prayer is the longest and the mourners say at least one Kaddish at the beginning and several at the end. For the afternoon and evening prayers, the mourners say the Kaddish only once or twice at the end.

When a person dies, the Mourner's Kaddish is recited at every day's service, morning, afternoon, and evening, Sabbath and holiday, on days of fasting and of rejoicing, every day for thirty days for all relatives except parents and a year for parents. 

It says nothing about death but rather extols God's greatness. Here is the recitation of the kaddish and an English translation:

Glorified and sanctified be God’s great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will.

May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon;

and say, Amen.

May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.

Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.

May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say, 

Amen.

He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel;

and say, Amen.

Hatikvah

As we welcome in the Jewish New Year, 5776, these ideas come to me.

There is something about this piece, Hatikvah, the national anthem for Israel, that always moves me to tears. For me, it holds the hopes and prayers of not only the Jewish People but also any person, any group of people, any country who has yearned and worked for the right to be who they were meant to be, to be free from oppression because of their beliefs.

Most recently at the Lieberman Center, at a Sunday Concert, the performer played it with gusto on our grand piano. Slowly you could hear the under current of voices joining in, sometimes knowing the words other times just humming. Voices weak, weary, confused, lost or otherwise. Voices strong, resilient, sentient, determined or otherwise.

Never overwhelming the music, but raising from the heart, from the soul, from the place where ancestors live; much like a prayer, to blend in with life, love, freedom, and joy.

CLICK HERE AND LISTEN AND WATCH

Regaining My Heritage

With Gregory being at Lieberman Center for Health and Rehabilitation, which is run by CJE, Council for Jewish Elderly, my "roots" have been talking to me more and more. 

Many of the residents speak Russian, or Polish, or German but often Yiddish. My childhood experiences with listening to my Grandparents and parents speak Yiddish come back to me along with the meaning of many of the expressions. Fluent speaking Yiddish, no. Use of expressions, easy.

The adults would speak in Yiddish so the children wouldn't hear. The topics were gossipy, sexy joke dirty, about the kids, etc. But guess what. The kids began to understand what the adults were saying. We had to be careful not to giggle which would give away the fact that we understood what they were saying.

Meanwhile, my one word communications with many of the residents at Lieberman bring smiles, acknowledgements, and torrents of untranslated replies to which a smile seems enough. ZieGazunt - Stay well, Be good, Good Bye. Bisel - A little. Voos Maxtu - What's new? 

I am trying to learn more: 

The First Words You Learn

Selected Yiddish Words and Phrases - impress your friends and family
http://www.sbjf.org/sbjco/schmaltz/yiddish_phrases.htm
 
A BI GEZUNT: So long as you're healthy. Expression means, "Don't worry so much about a problem, whatever it is. You've still got your health."

ALTER COCKER: An old and complaining person, an old fart.

AY-YAY-YAY: A Joyous, or at times sarcastic, exclamation.

BALABUSTA: The wife of an important person or a bossy woman.

BEI MIR BIST DU SHAYN: To me you're beautiful.

BERRYER: Denotes a woman who has excellent homemaking skills. Considered a compliment in the pre-feminist era.

BISSEL, BISSELA: A little.

BOBBEMYSEH: Old wive's tales, nonsense.

BOYCHICK: An affectionate term for a young boy.

BROCHE: A prayer.

BUBBA: A grandmother.

BUBBALA: A term of endearment, darling.

BUPKES: Something worthless or absurd.

CHAYA: An animal. "Vilda Chaya," a wild animal, is a term used to describe unruly children.

CHAZEREI: Food that is awful, junk or garbage.

CHUTZPAH: Nerve; gall, as in a person who kills her parents and asks for mercy because she is an orphan.

DRECK: Shit. Can refer to the ugliness of objects or people.

ESS: Eat.

FAYGALA: A male homosexual. (literally, little bird.)

FERBLUNJIT: Lost, mixed up.

FERCOCKT: All fucked up.

FERDRAYT: Dizzy, confused.

FARPITZS: All dressed up.

FERMISHT: All shook up, as in an acute disturbance.

FERSHTAY?: Do you understand.

FRESS: To eat like an animal, i.e., quickly, noisily, and in great quantity. (Compare with ess, to eat like a human being.)

GAVALT: A cry of fear or a cry for help. Oy Gevalt is often used as expression meaning "oh how terrible."

GAY AVEK: Go away, get out of here.

GAY GA ZINTA HATE: Go in good health. Often said in parting but can be spoken with irony to mean, "go do your own thing."

GAY SHLAFEN: Go to sleep.

GELT: Money.

GONIF: A thief, a tricky clever person, a shady character.

GOY: A derogatory term meaning gentile, goyim is the plural, and goyisher is the adjective.

GREPSE: To belch.

GORNISHT: Nothing. Often used in a sarcastic manner, as in what did you get from her? Gunisht.

HAYMISH: Informal, friendly. A haimisher mensch is someone you feel comfortable with.

HOK A CHAINIK: To talk too much, to talk nonsense.

KIBITZ: To offer comments which are often unwanted during a game, to tease or joke around. A kibitzer gives unasked for advice.

KINE-AHORA: A magical phrase to ward off the evil eye or to show one's praises are genuine and not tainted by envy.

KLUTZ: An awkward, uncoordinated person.

KOSHER: Refers to food that it prepared according to Jewish law. More generally kosher means legitimate.

KVELL: To beam with pride and pleasure, Jewish parents are prone to kvell over their children's achievements.

KVETCH: To annoy or to be an annoying person, to complain.

LOCH IN KOP: Literally a hole in the head, refers to things one definitely does not need.

LUZZEM: Leave him be, let her or him alone.

MACH SHNEL: Hurry up.

MACHER: An ambitious person; a schemer with many plans.

MAVEN: An expert, a connoisseur.

MAZEL TOV: Good luck, usually said as a statement of support or congratulations.

MEESKAIT: A little ugly one; a person or thing.

MEGILLAH: Long, complicated and boring.

MENSCH: A person of character. An individual of recognized worth because of noble values or actions.

MESHUGGE or MESHUGGINA: Crazy.

MISHEGOSS: Inappropriate, crazy, or bizarre actions or beliefs.

MISHPOCHA: Family, usually extended family.

NACHES: Joy. To "shep naches" means to derive pleasure. Jewish children are expected to provide their parent with naches in the form of achievement. 

NARRISHKEIT: Foolishness, trivia.

NEBBISH: An inadequate person, a loser.

NOODGE: To bother, to push, a person who bothers you.

NOSH: To snack. 

NOSHERYE refers to food.

NU: Has many meanings including, "so?; How are things?; how about it?; What can one do?; I dare you!"

NUDNIK: A pest, a persistent and annoying person.

ONGEPOTCHKET: Messed up, slapped together without form, excessively and unesthetically decorated.

OY-YOY-YOY: An exclamation of sorrow and lamentation.

OY VEY: "Oh, how terrible things are". 

OH VEZ MEAR means "Oh, woe is me".

PISHER: A bed-wetter, a young inexperienced person, a person of no consequence.

PLOTZ: To burst, to explode, "I can't laugh anymore or I'll "plotz." To be aggravated beyond bearing.

POTCHKA: To fool around; to be busy without a clear goal.

PUPIK: Belly button.

PUTZ: A vulgarism for penis but most usually used as term of contempt for a fool, or an easy mark.

RACHMONES: Compassion.

SAYKHEL: Common sense.

SCHLOCK: A shoddy, cheaply made article, something thats been knocked around.

SCHMALTZ: Literally chicken fat. Usually refers to overly emotional and sentimental behavior.

SCHMUCK: A vulgarism for penis, strong putdown for a jerk, a detestable person.

SHADKHEN: a professional matchmaker.

SHANDA: A shame, a scandal. The expression "a shanda fur die goy" means to do something embarrassing to Jews where non-Jews can observe it.

SHAYGETS: A gentile boy and man, also means a clever lad or rascal.

SHAYNER: Pretty, wholesomely attractive, as in shayner maidel (woman.)

SHIKSA: A gentile girl or woman.

SHLEMIEL: A dummy; someone who is taken advantage of, a born loser.

SHLEP: To carry or to move about. Can refer to a person, a "shlepper," who is unkempt and has no ambition.

SHLIMAZL: A chronically unlucky person, a born loser, when a shlimazl sells umbrella the sun comes out.

SHMENDRICK: A weak and thin pipsqueak. The opposite of mensch, a a physically small shlemiel.

SHMEGEGGE: A petty person, an untalented person.

SHMATTA: A rag, often used as a putdown for clothes of the unfashionably dressed.

SHMEER: To spread as in to "shmeer" butter on bread. Can also mean to bribe and can refer to the "whole package", as in I'll accept the whole shmeer.

SHMOOZ: To hang out with, a friendly gossipy talk.

SHMUTZIK: Dirt.

SHNORRER: A begger, a moocher, a cheapskate, a chiseler.

SHNOZ: A Nose. Jimmy Durante was known as a the great shnoz.

SHTETL: A Jewish ghetto village.

SHTIK: A stick or thing. Often refers to an individual's unique way of presenting themselves, as in "She is doing her shtik."

SHTUNK: A stinker, a nasty person or a scandalous mess.

SHTUP: An expression for sexual intercourse, to "screw."

SHVITZ: To sweat, also refers to a Turkish bath house. A shvitzer means a braggart, a showoff.

SHVANTZ: A word for penis.

SPIEL: To play, as in to play a game.

TCHOTCHKA: An inexpensive trinket, a toy. Can also mean a sexy but brainless girl. The affectionate diminutive is tchotchkala.

TSETUMMELT: Confused, bewildered.

TSIMMES: A side dish, a prolonged procedure, an involved and troubling business, as in the phrase, "don't make a tsimmes out of it."

TSORISS: Suffering, woes.

TUCHES: Backside, ass, "tuches lecker" means ass kisser, one who shamelessly curries favor with superiors.

TUMMEL: Noise, commotion, disorder.

VER CLEMPT: All choked up.

VUS MACHS DA: What's happening? What's up?

YENTA: A busybody, usually refers to an older woman.

YENTZ: Course word for sexual intercourse. Also means to cheat or screw someone. Yentzer is the noun.

ZAFTIG: Juicy, plump. Can refer to food, ideas or people. A buxom woman.

ZIE GA ZINK: Wishing someone good health.

ZETZ: A strong blow or punch.

ZEYDE: Grandfather, or old man.

ZHLUB: An insensitive, ill-mannered person, a clumsy individual.

Sometimes People Need To Talk

For some reason people have always been comfortable talking with me, opening up about private and/or painful topics. Maybe I am a good listener. Maybe I look kind and loving. Maybe it is my Santa Claus image. Or maybe I am just in the right place at the right time.

Today at Lieberman:

I greeted Barry who is always sitting in the same seat by the front door and he replied, "Hi Michael!"

Sandy told me that she is going in for a knee replacement next week. She told me all about it in detail. She is fortunate that her daughter will come in to help. Could I please keep an eye on her husband (a Lieberman Resident.) Can I chat him up when I see him and can I make sure he gets down to the Sunday Entertainment?

Batia shared that she got a new wheel chair, a handsome black leather one, and that it is good.

Bill wanted me to sit by him in the community room during the entertainment so I put my chair between him and Gregory.

Shirley, Rose, and PK were sitting outside the front door by the circle drive. I always say hello to Shirley and PK but Rose was new to the group. I introduced myself to her and PK joined that she "convinced Rose to join the Circle Group"

To which Rose asked, "What is the Circle Group?"

To which Shirley replied, "The group of AKs (Alta Kockers - Old Shits in Yiddish) who sit around the circle driveway like we are doing.

Somehow PK got around to sharing that she was a "Mick." I told her I was not familiar with that expression and she explained that it was a derogatory word for an Irish person. "At least," she added, "It wasn't Lace Curtain Irish which referred to a blue-collar or working class Irish person who was trying to leave behind their roots and become middle class hoitey toitey.

PK remembered that there was a time when employment classified ads said, "Irish need not apply." Shirley said that it was the same for Jewish.

Upstairs I chatted with Monroe. He joked that the president was named after him. He is a friendly, sweet looking man who is in his middle 90s and comes to visit his wife who is in her late 80's. She has very advanced Dementia / Alzheimer's but still smiles a lot and is full of love. Every now and then she will come up to me and give me a big, unexpected hug. Of course I hug back.

Monroe asked who I have at Lieberman and I told him, "That young tall good looking guy in the wheel chair that just passed us." He asked if I was his father and laughing I told him no, Gregory is my boyfriend, accent on boy! We have been together in a relationship, I explained, for over 40 years. Mazel Tov he told me, "Congratulations!"

I have found that most of the AKs accept Gregory and my same sex commitment as if it were everyday ordinary. I guess by the time you get that old, you gain some perspective on the fact that the only things that matter is when two people love each other.

Jordan, one of Gregory's table mates at dinner, has decided that I am part of the management team for his large furniture company. He'll ask for my advice on how many men and trucks I think we'll need, if the traffic will allow for an early delivery, and how I think the customer relations department is doing. Other times he is pissed at me when I cannot "Drive me home!" "Call my G-d Damn son to come get me for dinner." "Get me out of here!" etc The other day he fired the Fifth Floor's Social Worker!

I do consider conversation and listening as something that I can freely share. How much does it cost me and what a priceless gift it is to give!

Hatikva

Today for Lieberman's Sunday entertainment, a very talented young pianist performed a variety of music including classical, jazz, ragtime, Klesmer, and more. One piece he played was the "Hatikvah" or Israeli national anthem.

AFTER READING THIS POST

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As he was playing, many people in the audience began singling along in undertones and under their breath. It was a sound that while magical, was not joyous. 

It seemed to carry the archetypal, universal sorrow and ache which the Jewish people have carried around through the centuries, and still seem to have as part of their cultural conscientiousness,  beginning with the King of Egypt enslaving the Jews through Hitler and the Holocaust through today with Anti-Semitism still wreaking havoc.

"Hatikvah" "Hatikva" (הַתִּקְוָה, pronounced [hatikˈva], English: "The Hope") is the  national anthem of Israel. Its lyrics are adapted from a poem by Naftali Herz Imber, a Jewish poet from Złoczów, (today, Zolochiv, Ukraine). Imber wrote the first version of the poem in 1877. The romantic anthem's theme reflects the Jew's 2000-year-old hope of returning to the Land of Israel, restoring it, and reclaiming it as a sovereign nation.

Hebrew	Transliteration	English translation
כֹּל עוֹד בַּלֵּבָב פְּנִימָה	Kol ‘od balevav penimah	As long as in the heart, within,
נֶפֶשׁ יְהוּדִי הוֹמִיָּה	Nefesh yehudi homiyah,	A Jewish soul still yearns,
וּלְפַאֲתֵי מִזְרָח, קָדִימָה,	Ul(e)fa’atei mizrach kadimah,	And onward, towards the ends of the east,
עַיִן לְצִיּוֹן צוֹפִיָּה,	‘Ayin letziyon tzofiyah;	an eye still gazes toward Zion;
עוֹד לֹא אָבְדָה תִּקְוָתֵנוּ,	‘Od lo avdah tikvateinu,	Our hope is not yet lost,
הַתִּקְוָה בַּת שְׁנוֹת אַלְפַּיִם	Hatikvah bat sh(e)not ’alpayim,	The hope of two thousand years,
לִהְיוֹת עַם חָפְשִׁי בְּאַרְצֵנוּ,	Lihyot ‘am chofshi b(e)’artzeinu,	To be a free nation in our land,
אֶרֶץ צִיּוֹן וִירוּשָׁלַיִם.	’Eretz-Tziyon viy(e)rushalayim.	The land of Zion and Jerusalem.

Halloween III

Today Gregory is wearing orange for Halloween. Thanks Manny!

Yesterday, I asked Rabbi Pincus of Lieberman Center, if are there any Jewish holidays that would justify it being OK for a Jew to celebrate Halloween.

He quickly compared Halloween to Purim saying they both include candy, food, costumes, masks, etc.

He added that if it makes someone happy to celebrate Halloween, depending on their perspective (i.e. fun not evil) why not!

Gregory and Peaceful in the Great Room on the first floor.

My costume: Black T, black shirt, black pants, black shoes.

Candy corn colored bracelets and a Candy Corn pin.

TRICK OR TREAT!

On Sep 22, 2014, at 8:45 AM, Susan Wiseman wrote:

Michael 

Thinking of you!  Read one of your last blog entries, and although you write in an upbeat manner, it did make me feel very sad. On a more positive note, we thought of you last week while on vacation in a place called Comala in Colima.

We had the good fortune to meet the director of the Museum of Popular Art.  Suffice it to say that this man has a collection of miniatures that I know would make you green with envy.  They are amazing.  When photos are downloaded I will send you some. 

You do sound well, and I am glad.

Happy Rosh Hashana.  Give Gregory a hug for us.  We think of both of you often. 

Love

S & D

Hi S,

First love to you and to D. Will look forward to seeing the photos of the miniatures you mentioned. I do get GREEN with envy over things like that. Envy doesn't mean I wish the museum to have less but I want to have more! 

I am well and each day gets a little easier to face. Doesn't mean the Alzheimer's has gone away but it has been easier for me as Secondary Care Giver and with most of my life (all be it alone) once again my own. Gregory is doing really well for this moment in time. 

Compared to the past ... well I try not to go there if you know what I mean. But our visits are meaningful and we have a good time when we are together. Lieberman and Manny are really the best thing Judaism has ever done for me (the facility is part of CJE Council for Jewish Elderly.) 

Yes I am still very sad (as you said you were when reading my update) but I have learned to carry that sadness with me as a reminder of the great love I have for Gregory.

Soon,

Michael 

Yesterday at The Lieberman

After a few positive interactions between Betty and myself (she is NOT always in a good mood) she wanted to introduce me to her daughter who had joined her for dinner (I have met the daughter several times before.)

"This is what I could call a ... (pause looking for the right word - then promoted by me "... a gentleman and a scholar.") "Yes, gentleman and scholar. He is the kind of man you want to have around when things are not quite in the correct order!"

At dinner, the Social Worker asked me if I could help Frieda with the Sabbath Blessing Over the Wine. Frieda is a tiny, wizened, nearly blind woman who sounds like Donald Duck on Helium when she talks. So I crouched down next to her wheel chair and believing I was her father, Frieda and I together chanted the blessing. As an added benefit, we also did the Blessing over the Bread.

The day before, Pat and I visited Gregory on my Birthday. When he saw her, he was very pleased, smiled, and said in a complete sentence, "You are so beautiful!"

Jewish Christmas

For the last, what, 25 years we have been celebrating Christmas with our Jewish Friends Jan & Jake and Cheryl & Larry and their children - Isaac, Whitney, and Emily. The kids, whom we call our God Kids, have grown up looking forward to the decorations, home baked cookies, friendship, and gifts that come with the season. Christmas would not be the same without a visit to Uncles Gregory n' Michael!

In the past we would cook dinner, slowly moved to ordering out, and now have settled into the typical Jewish Christmas - we go out for Chinese! Pine Yard, a great restaurant is just 2 blocks from the condo and that makes it very convenient and allows for no "dinner clean-up."

The purpose of this e-mail was to provide an update since most of them have not seen or been with Gregory for a couple of months.

Dear J, J, I, C, L, W, and E,

Hi. We are looking forward to Jewish Christmas on Sunday, December 22. Arrival time 5:00 for a glass of wine, dinner at 6:15 at Pine Yard. Back to the condo for cookies, coffee, tea, hot chocolate, hot apple cider.

I wanted to set you up to expect the worst so you will probably be disappointed and say, "That wasn't so bad!" Over the last couple of months or so Gregory has really been "progressing" dramatically and I wanted to to be ready for anything and hopefully be surprised that it isn't as bad as it sounded. 

Will remember who you are but not be able to say your name

Gets easily confused

Cannot attend to more than one person at a time addressing, suggesting, or helping him (You might want to let me take the lead)

Has real difficulties following simple directions like, "Sit down here"

Needs help getting dressed and undressed

Needs help putting on coat and gloves

Is almost totally dependent on me for everything

Has trouble navigating his dinner plate if contains too many items

Eats a lot with his fingers

Can't really put a sentence together

Will try to make a comment and it will end up being a series of "well, but, then, over, here, there" 

without a subject (I pretend to understand what he is trying to say instead of guessing or asking questions)

When focused on one item has trouble getting unfocused

His hands shake, quite noticeably sometimes.

Loud (and sometimes not so loud) noises startle him

I have to monitor his bath-rooming and assist him when he does 

Gets emotional easily, usually over good things

So far appropriate social behaviors are holding with the exception of his getting assertive when he feels strongly about something even if we don't know what it is

... only to name a few. Love ya,

Michael

Defending Myself

I walked down the street and the passer-by called me "Kike."
I did not answer nor defend myself for I know the true me who I am.


I walked down the street and the passer-by called me "Fagot."
I did not answer nor defend myself for I know the true me who I am.


I walked down the street and the passer-by called me "Honkey."
I did not answer nor defend myself for I know the true me who I am.


I walked down the street and the passer-b called me "Christ Killer."
I did not answer nor defend myself for I know the true me who I am.


I walked down the street and the passer-by called me "Nigger Lover."
I did not answer nor defend myself for I know the true me who I am.


I walked down the street and the passer-by called me "Ugly American."
I did not answer nor defend myself for I know the true me who I am.

When Gregory calls me through the actions of his Alzheimer's.
I wish I could do the same for him.