Hi Susan. I am doing well. Still numb and very sad but at this point Gregory is being well taken care of. He is no longer the man you knew just a short while ago. I am grateful for his current home, one of the best Memory Care Facilities in Chicago, and am grateful to begin learning a new role as Secondary Care Giver. I do not have to go it alone but have a team of nurses, social workers, dietitians, doctors, therapists, etc to help Gregory as his needs continue to change.
Eventually I'll get on with my life. I never martyred myself to Gregory's disease and continued to have an identity of my own but did devote a lot of time, and energy, and love on an increasing basis as Gregory's needs increased. My identity, however, did include having a life partner with which to share my days. With him in his new home and me in the old one, I have to figure out who I am as a single person and what the angle of my days will look like.
Now, while I see him a couple of hours every day, I have lots of time on my hands and not yet the motivation to do anything with that time. I think the first thing I'll involve myself in is tailoring the condo to my needs and removing those things that met Gregory's needs. I will continue my writing and begin again to pursue a publisher for my memoirs which were organized at Ragdale during my residency in 2010. I hope to begin traveling again.
What I do not seem to have, and being good to myself since it has only been two weeks since this major upheaval, is any idea of what the future will hold. No goals. No ambitions. No hopes and desires. Except that Gregory be well taken care of and that I continue to be healthy and alive.
In some way, it is as though this moment has always been arriving and always leaving at the same instant yet doesn't exist in reality. Gregory is very visibly living in the moment, no past and no future and not really much of a present as we know it, and perhaps for now, I am living in the moment as well.
Love you, miss you, keep your guest room ready as one day I will arrive at your doorstep (with notice :-)
Fondly,
Michael
Showing posts with label Secondary Caregiver. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Secondary Caregiver. Show all posts
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Settling In - Not Always A Good Thing
I hope the title of this post confused you. Settling in should sound like a good thing. But they say it takes a while for a new resident to settle into new surroundings on a dementia ward.
It takes time for the workers and nurses to get to know the residents routines and needs, rhythms and patterns. As you know, we have had two Care Conferences dealing with these things. Everyone on the floor is friendly, helpful, and wanting to do the best for Gregory.
So why is it not always a good thing. Would you believe two falls and one fright so far? The day after he was at Lieberman, the nurse called me around 8:00 pm to say Gregory had been sitting on the sofa in front of the TV and when he got up he fell on his knees. No great damage. No broken skin. A little pink. Nothing more. But wanted me to know. I thanked her and it felt good that they were keeping me informed.
Last week, I noticed that Gregory's ankles were swollen and I told the nurse. Later that week I notice that his ankles were very very swollen and mentioned it to the nurse again. At midnight she called at home and told me that she checked and sure enough they were so swollen that she called the doctor. He told her that Gregory could go to the emergency room for a workup or she could order a blood clot scan the next morning.
She and I talked about the implications and I decided that we could wait until morning for the test that would take place at Lieberman instead of putting Gregory though the trauma of a middle of the night emergency room visit. One possibility in waiting was that if he had indeed thrown a blood clot, it could travel to his brain or heart.
I told the nurse that while I hoped that wouldn't happen, we were not afraid of death. It was a hard decision for me to make and I had a hard time falling asleep. Finally, I said out loud, "Universe, if you are ready to take Gregory, please go ahead, I am ready, he is ready, and you have our permission." That said, I fell asleep easily.
Next day the clot scan showed no clots, they put him in special stockings to help with the swelling, and the ankles have looked better each day.
Finally, at seven AM this morning, I got a call from Lieberman that Gregory, after being up and dressed, fell backwards in his room (there by himself) and was found on the floor with a gash in his head, a bruse on his forehead, and in a lot of pain. They had called 911 and the ambulance had just arrived to take him to the hospital (which by the way is just across the parking lot.)
I had my clothes on and was out of the door (without any breakfast and not even one cup of coffee) in five minutes and got to the emergency room less than 10 minutes later. I am grateful that Lieberman Center and the hospital are so close to the condo.
Gregory looked terrible and was moaning with pain but had been able to remain calm throughout the ordeal. He was happy to see me and I soothed, stroked his hand, etc. They did a CAT scan and several X-Rays and found no additional damage. After the blood was cleaned up he didn't look quite so bad (head wounds bleed profusely.) Eight stitches later and a breakfast of oatmeal and pancakes the ambulance picked him up for the trip across the parking lot back to Lieberman.
Gregory after napping on and off in his own bed in his own room back at Lieberman and after a hearty lunch is with Alaksh (who I called for support right away, not knowing how severe the injury had been.) I am at home getting ready for a 90 minute massage and then will go back to sit with Gregory.
While this all might seem difficult, it has been surprisingly easy to get through and to make decisions about. In my role of Secondary Care Giver, which you have already heard about and will probably hear about again, it is good to have so many resources and people supporting me and caring for Gregory.
Besides the people that got him ready for the first ambulance trip, so many people have checked in since our return to his room: head nurse, day nurse, the social worker, his day caregiver, the lunch lady, and various higher level supervisors. Gregory is indeed being well taken care of.
Sorry for the pix but in an effort to fully document ... PS later I will post a photo of how GOOD Gregory looks after the episode.
It takes time for the workers and nurses to get to know the residents routines and needs, rhythms and patterns. As you know, we have had two Care Conferences dealing with these things. Everyone on the floor is friendly, helpful, and wanting to do the best for Gregory.
So why is it not always a good thing. Would you believe two falls and one fright so far? The day after he was at Lieberman, the nurse called me around 8:00 pm to say Gregory had been sitting on the sofa in front of the TV and when he got up he fell on his knees. No great damage. No broken skin. A little pink. Nothing more. But wanted me to know. I thanked her and it felt good that they were keeping me informed.
Last week, I noticed that Gregory's ankles were swollen and I told the nurse. Later that week I notice that his ankles were very very swollen and mentioned it to the nurse again. At midnight she called at home and told me that she checked and sure enough they were so swollen that she called the doctor. He told her that Gregory could go to the emergency room for a workup or she could order a blood clot scan the next morning.
She and I talked about the implications and I decided that we could wait until morning for the test that would take place at Lieberman instead of putting Gregory though the trauma of a middle of the night emergency room visit. One possibility in waiting was that if he had indeed thrown a blood clot, it could travel to his brain or heart.
I told the nurse that while I hoped that wouldn't happen, we were not afraid of death. It was a hard decision for me to make and I had a hard time falling asleep. Finally, I said out loud, "Universe, if you are ready to take Gregory, please go ahead, I am ready, he is ready, and you have our permission." That said, I fell asleep easily.
Next day the clot scan showed no clots, they put him in special stockings to help with the swelling, and the ankles have looked better each day.
Finally, at seven AM this morning, I got a call from Lieberman that Gregory, after being up and dressed, fell backwards in his room (there by himself) and was found on the floor with a gash in his head, a bruse on his forehead, and in a lot of pain. They had called 911 and the ambulance had just arrived to take him to the hospital (which by the way is just across the parking lot.)
I had my clothes on and was out of the door (without any breakfast and not even one cup of coffee) in five minutes and got to the emergency room less than 10 minutes later. I am grateful that Lieberman Center and the hospital are so close to the condo.
Gregory looked terrible and was moaning with pain but had been able to remain calm throughout the ordeal. He was happy to see me and I soothed, stroked his hand, etc. They did a CAT scan and several X-Rays and found no additional damage. After the blood was cleaned up he didn't look quite so bad (head wounds bleed profusely.) Eight stitches later and a breakfast of oatmeal and pancakes the ambulance picked him up for the trip across the parking lot back to Lieberman.
Gregory after napping on and off in his own bed in his own room back at Lieberman and after a hearty lunch is with Alaksh (who I called for support right away, not knowing how severe the injury had been.) I am at home getting ready for a 90 minute massage and then will go back to sit with Gregory.
While this all might seem difficult, it has been surprisingly easy to get through and to make decisions about. In my role of Secondary Care Giver, which you have already heard about and will probably hear about again, it is good to have so many resources and people supporting me and caring for Gregory.
Besides the people that got him ready for the first ambulance trip, so many people have checked in since our return to his room: head nurse, day nurse, the social worker, his day caregiver, the lunch lady, and various higher level supervisors. Gregory is indeed being well taken care of.
Sorry for the pix but in an effort to fully document ... PS later I will post a photo of how GOOD Gregory looks after the episode.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
"The Cleaner Floor" A book by I. P. Standing
Men are known to stand while peeing. Women are known to sit while peeing. Leaving the toilet lid up ... or down ... has been debated since the beginning of the flush.
Women also squat, especially in public, filthy bathrooms or in the forest preserve (watch out for the Poison Ivy.) Men have it a little easier in that they can aim the hose and avoid such disgusting situations.
But sometimes, men sit. Yes, you read it here. Gregory and I sit when we pee (at least at home we do.) Why you may ask? And why BLOG about it you may wonder?
First, even though you might think it would be easier for a man to take a fast whizz standing, it is actually just as easy to drop trow and sit to pee. Especially in the cleanliness of one's own bathroom. By sitting you can gain a few moments of meditation time and solitude from a busy day. You can catch up on a magazine article if you choose. On an active day, you can get off your feet for a few moments. And the floor definitely stays cleaner.
The real reason I post this is because with Gregory's change in living situation, and during his stay in the hospital, he had urination difficulties. Couldn't pee? No. His caregivers assumed that he stood to pee so would take him to the bathroom and stand him in front of the toilet. With no results.
Eventually he had to be catherized and they found 500 cc of urine in his bladder. Usually when a person gets +/- 250 they begin to feel the need to pee. Gregory was either not able to communicate this, and/or didn't recognize the signals, and/or didn't recognize what he was to do by standing in front of the toilet.
When I found out about his being catheterized, I realized I had not mentioned his sitting to pee. I took that minor fact for granted since it is what we have always done for over 38 years! Once it was established, Gregory had no problem with peeing. Problem solved.
Well solved at the hospital but now at the memory care facility, at times Gregory feels stubborn and refuses to sit when asked to. Also, for a while the staff was not taking him to pee every couple of hours so he found a corner in his room and wet his pants. (I found him behind his room door looking very embarrassed and standing in a puddle. Made me cry.) You know I'll be keeping up with staff on this one!
I have found (as I continue to fill in the cross word puzzle that is Gregory's new living situation at a memory care facility) I have to analyze the details of his life so they can provide more accurately for his needs. Especially since he cannot himself instruct the slew of new caregivers (according to the shift, the day of the week, the days off, etc.)
My new role as secondary caregiver continues to develop. At the first Care Conference with the Head Nurse, Dietitian, and Social Worker we focused on medications, eating, toileting, daily routine, personal grooming, etc. At the next one tomorrow, the topics will include a review of how he is settling in; how staff is meeting his needs as discussed as the previous meeting; a closer look at what kind of activities he will be participating in; schedules for shower, haircut, massage, doctors, etc; switching from a large handful of vitamins and minerals (which he has had difficulty swallowing) to a spoonful of liquid supplements; visiting volunteer opportunities for him, and a few others.
He has continued to be calm (without the sedatives needed when he was at the hospital,) happy, and content. He is living in the moment. Not once has he wondered about why he is there or asked about "home at the condo." He doesn't seem to notice the array of patients on his floor: all of them older, most of them with more advanced dementias, many in wheel chairs, many catatonic, many sleeping most of the time, incontinence here and there. In fact when one calls out, Gregory wants to help. As he roams (strolls) the halls, he smiles at them kindly. He has quickly become one of the favorites of the nurses and staff and they comment on what a lovely, kind, gentle man his is.
And since he is content and doesn't notice that being there is like being in a Fellini movie without the background music, I don't mind it either and am able to see the place through Gregory's eyes. Safe, clean, warm, active, happy!
Women also squat, especially in public, filthy bathrooms or in the forest preserve (watch out for the Poison Ivy.) Men have it a little easier in that they can aim the hose and avoid such disgusting situations.
But sometimes, men sit. Yes, you read it here. Gregory and I sit when we pee (at least at home we do.) Why you may ask? And why BLOG about it you may wonder?
First, even though you might think it would be easier for a man to take a fast whizz standing, it is actually just as easy to drop trow and sit to pee. Especially in the cleanliness of one's own bathroom. By sitting you can gain a few moments of meditation time and solitude from a busy day. You can catch up on a magazine article if you choose. On an active day, you can get off your feet for a few moments. And the floor definitely stays cleaner.
The real reason I post this is because with Gregory's change in living situation, and during his stay in the hospital, he had urination difficulties. Couldn't pee? No. His caregivers assumed that he stood to pee so would take him to the bathroom and stand him in front of the toilet. With no results.
Eventually he had to be catherized and they found 500 cc of urine in his bladder. Usually when a person gets +/- 250 they begin to feel the need to pee. Gregory was either not able to communicate this, and/or didn't recognize the signals, and/or didn't recognize what he was to do by standing in front of the toilet.
When I found out about his being catheterized, I realized I had not mentioned his sitting to pee. I took that minor fact for granted since it is what we have always done for over 38 years! Once it was established, Gregory had no problem with peeing. Problem solved.
Well solved at the hospital but now at the memory care facility, at times Gregory feels stubborn and refuses to sit when asked to. Also, for a while the staff was not taking him to pee every couple of hours so he found a corner in his room and wet his pants. (I found him behind his room door looking very embarrassed and standing in a puddle. Made me cry.) You know I'll be keeping up with staff on this one!
I have found (as I continue to fill in the cross word puzzle that is Gregory's new living situation at a memory care facility) I have to analyze the details of his life so they can provide more accurately for his needs. Especially since he cannot himself instruct the slew of new caregivers (according to the shift, the day of the week, the days off, etc.)
My new role as secondary caregiver continues to develop. At the first Care Conference with the Head Nurse, Dietitian, and Social Worker we focused on medications, eating, toileting, daily routine, personal grooming, etc. At the next one tomorrow, the topics will include a review of how he is settling in; how staff is meeting his needs as discussed as the previous meeting; a closer look at what kind of activities he will be participating in; schedules for shower, haircut, massage, doctors, etc; switching from a large handful of vitamins and minerals (which he has had difficulty swallowing) to a spoonful of liquid supplements; visiting volunteer opportunities for him, and a few others.
He has continued to be calm (without the sedatives needed when he was at the hospital,) happy, and content. He is living in the moment. Not once has he wondered about why he is there or asked about "home at the condo." He doesn't seem to notice the array of patients on his floor: all of them older, most of them with more advanced dementias, many in wheel chairs, many catatonic, many sleeping most of the time, incontinence here and there. In fact when one calls out, Gregory wants to help. As he roams (strolls) the halls, he smiles at them kindly. He has quickly become one of the favorites of the nurses and staff and they comment on what a lovely, kind, gentle man his is.
And since he is content and doesn't notice that being there is like being in a Fellini movie without the background music, I don't mind it either and am able to see the place through Gregory's eyes. Safe, clean, warm, active, happy!
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