Dark Night of the Soul

For me, this "Dark Night of the Soul" has to do with my finding my way, my identify, my life without Gregory being by my side. Gregory and I have never in our fourty+ year relationship merged identities. We have always grown together as well as on parallel tracks. So in many way we both have been independent as well as dependent. But this has changed, for at least 11+ years now and for sure during the last 17 months while he has been at The Lieberman Center.

He is still with me but in a greatly reduced way, in a way that I must create anew in order to be able to see and enjoy. While we are still "a couple," we do not do most things together, do not share intimate moments, do not plan or make decisions together, do not vacation together, do not laugh together while watching a TV show, do not share a meal or a bowl of popcorn, do not float on the notes of a musical piece by Chopin, do not anticipate our future.

He finds comfort in my just being there and I do in his but it is a different kind of comfort. I have no one who I can really "find a shoulder to cry on" or to share my grief, my joys, my continued hopes, my aspirations and ambitions.

So slowly I am discovering who I am and who I will be during this next phase of my life. I will survive this and the light will slowly increase in brightness. I am sure I will go through other "Dark Nights of the Soul" as Gregory continues to disappear and eventually when he dies.

Life if joyous, bright, meaningful, exciting, stimulating. Painful!

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May 20, 2015 Dark Night of the Soul Surrendering the Egoby Madisyn Taylor While we are in a dark night of the soul experience, hold steady knowing the light will appear once again. Whenever a word is overused, it is most likely being misused, and over time, it begins to lose its meaningfulness. For example, we often refer to a fleeting feeling of depression or a period of confusion, as a dark night of the soul, but neither of these things qualifies as such. A dark night of the soul is a very specific experience that some people encounter on their spiritual journeys. There are people who never encounter a dark night of the soul, but others must endure this as part of the process of breaking through to the dawn of higher consciousness. The dark night of the soul invites us to fully recognize the confines of our egos’ identity. We may feel as if we are trapped in a prison that affords us no access to light or the outside. We are coming from a place of higher knowing, and we may have spent a lot of time and energy reaching toward the light of higher consciousness. This is why the dark night has such a quality of despair: We are suddenly shut off from what we thought we had realized and the emotional pain is very real. We may even begin to feel that it was all an illusion and that we are lost forever in this darkness. The more we struggle, the darker things get, until finally we surrender to our not knowing what to do, how to think, where to turn. It is from this place of losing our sense of ourselves as in control that the ego begins to crack or soften and the possibility of light entering becomes real. Some of us will have to endure this process only once in our lives, while others may have to go through it many times. The great revelation of the dark night is the releasing of our old, false identity. We finally give up believing in this false self and thus become capable of owning and embracing the light.

EGO Trips

Here is Pema with this week's quote. What it says to me is that even with our deepest suffering, we can deal with it lightly. We need not struggle with difficult emotions. The EGO is always trying to stir up trouble so it can keep its job. If we were calm, happy, trouble free ... the EGO would be out of work so it must stir things up. Taking oneself so seriously when struggling with life's path as Pema says is yet another EGO Trip. Lighten up! You will solve your problems and you will enjoy the path.

Drive All Suffering Into One’s Ego

Drive All Suffering Into One’s Ego
Original teaching by Pema Chödrön
February 2013 in honor of her 77^th birthday

Reinterpreted by Michael Horvich August 2013

It is hard to separate one’s ego from what one thinks of as one’s self. So this is not about blaming oneself for one’s suffering but rather one’s ego which controls self. One can do this by distinguishing between what is causing you to suffer and what is the trigger. What is the difference between the two? The cause and the catalyst.

We have preexisting propensities which are like seeds stored in the unconscientious. One acts in the same predictable way as though it is a rut one is stuck in. Someone says something that hurts your feelings for example, and it triggers a predetermined propensity to feel bad, even if what the person says is not true. Just seeing that person or remembering what they said can trigger the suffering. The person is NOT the cause, the person is the trigger.

If you want to wake up, be free of suffering, what must you learn then? You need to work with the propensity NOT the trigger. It is so easy for our attention to go to the thing which triggered the feeling not the cause of the feeling. Triggers activate preexisting propensities. One needs to look closely at the cause, at the preexisting propensity, NOT the trigger.

Often the trigger is no longer valid or in reality is not about the suffering anymore but it none-the-less triggers the preexisting propensity.

We cannot get rid of the triggers until we have studied the propensities. By allowing the triggers to “get you” you, you strengthen the propensity. Distinguish what triggers your suffering from your preexisting propensity and you weaken its power over you.

To work on this, don’t blame the propensity, recognize it and acknowledge it and be conscientious that the preexisting propensity continues to affect your suffering. It is a HUGE step when you can distinguish between the trigger and the propensity.

Let the story line go as you would do when meditating. In meditation you are focused on your breath, you have a thought, you note or recognize it, you go back to focusing on your breath. You do not have to act on your thought or give in to it. You do not have to fight it, repress it or ignore it. Just note it, recognize it, go back to your focus.

The same can be done when a someone or something triggers a pre-existing propensity. Label the feeling (propensity) when it occurs. Locate the pain that leads to the propensity. When you locate the pain, send your unconditional love. Do not blame the propensity, send love. Do not be harsh or repressive against the feeling or yourself. Use a hand gesture to the heart or the cheek as a way of sending it love. Most propensities are based on fear, fear of danger. The way to work with the fear is to help it relax by sending unconditional love.

By recognizing the propensities that are triggered and then sending unconditional love and comfort to the propensity you will help it to relax and loose its strength over you and eventually the suffering it causes.