Missed last week's class but will listen to the MP3 when I can. I had to struggle with the choice of "skipping" another week if only because of so much going on during the holiday season, I just didn't want to face the "work" of calming down enough to go through 40 or so minutes of intense mindful meditation.
But I went anyway and am glad I did. Even after missing a week, I was able to meditate deeply, although amid a whirlwind of competing images and thoughts. I was able to notice them, say "Not now," and tune back into Corinne's soothing guidance.
This week in my Nidra Yoga Meditation class we concentrated on beliefs. My
intent was to focus on my weight. My
heartfelt desire I labeled HEALTH. The idea is that my weight is at such a point that I am uncomfortable, do not like the way my clothes fit, do not like the way I look, find my energy lacking, sometimes have difficulty with being out of breath, tire easily, and generally do not feel that I am being as good to my body and HEALTH as I should be.
It is easy to slip into getting used to being where one currently is and coping with the existing conditions. They become internalized and become part of
who you think are as opposed to what
your true nature is. When you get used to the difficulties in moving around, bending, lifting, breathing, etc; you accept that as the
norm.
Eventually one has spent so much time thinking that the
norm is the
truth that you need to spend at least that amount of time undoing the
norm and rediscovering your
truth and honestly, that feel hopeless. Easier to accept
what is rather than
change or
revise.
So in our meditation, when Corinne asked us to look at our beliefs about our
intent and
heartfelt desire, I have to admit that my little voice said to me, "You really don't believe you can do this, do you?" And the honest answer was, "No, I don't! I know that I must take control of this situation, I know how to do so by eating well and exercising, I just don't believe that I can or will so it is easier just to have another cookie or piece of pizza."
Next week we will continue to look at
beliefs as a way of bracketing the New Year. Kind of like my New Year's Resolution, stated in positive terms as though already realized:
I am healthy. I exercise regularly. I choose healthy foods and avoid sugar, white flour, and fried foods. I do not eat to "keep my child happy." I eat slowly and with relish and know when I have eaten enough. I am energetic and breath easily even on heavy tasks. My clothes fit well and I look good to myself in the mirror. I know I will never have the body of a 20 year old again but at least with my clothes on, I look good!
An interesting aside is that during the entire meditation Gregory did not exist. He was sitting downstairs reading a book, his companion had called in sick so I took him along, I knew he was busy and safe.
Upstairs I was meditating on issues that only had to do with
ME! I thought of him once during the meditation but told myself he was OK and asked those thoughts to go away for now, which they did.
Often my
heartfelt desires dealt with my being able to be patient with Gregory, and understanding, and successful as a caregiver etc. This was the first time I worked on only me, right from the beginning of the meditation.
Every now and then a "blessing" or "gift" arrives in your life. Corinne Peterson has been that for me. Arriving at just the time I needed to be able to find a peaceful place, outside my active and stressful days, away from the noise of my mind.
I had read a lot about the process and the need of meditation and I had thought I could just lock myself in the dark closet and "do it!" I never succeeded let along begun.
When Sarah McLaughlin, my massage therapist, introduced me to Corinne, my path was made clear. Thanks to both Sarah and Corinne for being part of my life.
I am taking this class at the Heartwood Center in Evanston with Corinne Peterson.
http://www.corinnepeterson.com/yoga-therapy/
