Many Ahh Ha's

When Gregory is trying to negotiate an activity and I try to explain, he will have an "Ahh Ha" moment. "Oh, I see!" or "OK!" or "I forgot that!"

But then the "Ahh Ha" moment is gone and he has not progressed any further with the activity.

"Get dressed now," I say pointing to his pile of clothes on the bedroom bench.

"OK," he replies starting at said pile but doing nothing.

"There," I point again, "put your clothes on."

"Oh, I see!" standing there doing nothing.

"DO IT! NOW!" I frustrate.

"I will. That is just what I was going to do." Still standing and doing nothing.

Sometimes he will eventually get it and proceed. Often he does not.

There are a number of ways that I can handle this. I put the clothes in his arms. I hand him his shirt. I sit him down and dress him with the result that he finally "gets it" and proceeds. Sometimes I just walk away and tell him, "Do what you need to do." or "Do it the way you want to."

Do you have any idea how aggravating it can be for you when someone behaves like they clearly understand what you are saying or asking and then proceeds to do nothing or something totally different from what you said or asked?

With a three year old, you know there is a learning process. How do you cope when you are involved in a disintegration of learning process? With patience and love and just a little frustration.

Changing Changes

The "Pocket Drawer" which was a wonderful invention on my part when we moved into the condo has seen its sunset. The concept no longer works. That makes me sad and I have fought its demise for a month or more but yesterday, finally, I let the Pocket Drawer Credenza take its last breath.

The credenza, which sits by the front door of our condo, is a beautiful piece made of black bamboo. has a long shelf just below the top of the piece and below, three drawers.

The top is for a fast, temporary drop off of cell phone and/or keys, and for holding incoming and outgoing mail. In the center there is our Buddhist Shrine with three singing bowls, Angel cards with motivating words, pewter coins with more words on which to meditate; plates with incense, water, earth, fire (candle,) and food. There are also two gray/green miniature pottery pieces made by our God Son Isaac while he was in Japan. Finally there a Japanese bell that has a sweet ring that sounds for quite a while during which time we pause to meditate on the words selected for the day. Every time we enter or leave the condo we pause at the shrine.

The shelf holds books that have overflowed our other bookshelves and also books that need to be returned to friends. You don't want to see the accumulation of dust on the shelf and books but since it is a narrow shelf, you cannot experience the build up unless you are kneeling on the floor.

The left drawer is Gregory's, the right drawer is mine, and the middle drawer holds our emergency information, a crank-up weather alert radio, several flash lights, and a power bar which receives the plugs of the charging cords that begin in Gregory and my drawers.

In our personal drawers we keep what I call our "Pockets" for overnight storage and charging. They hold our wallet, keys, cell phone, loose change, Chapstick, cough drops, medical alert necklaces, etc. Ironically (or not) my drawer reflects my personality and is chock filled with STUFF. Gregory's is spare and only contains the essentials.

The demise of the "Pocket Table" is taking place in the drawer area. As his Alzheimer's progresses he continues to loose word associations. So when I would say before getting ready to leave the condo, "Fill your pockets" or when getting ready for bed I would say, "Empty your pockets" he used to be able to follow through. No more.

Slowly he lost the "Pockets" associations. He would start, get distracted, and leave most of the items behind. At times he didn't know what I meant by "Pockets." Sometimes I would ask him to put something on the "Pocket Table" and the odds became better that he would not be able to follow through.

I began keeping an eye on his "Filling" and his "Emptying" and would point out when he overlooked a part. Then I started checking and finishing the process for him with or without pointing out the overlooked items. Sometimes when in a hurry, I would just fill or empty his pockets for him.

Recently he has been putting his wallet in the center drawer or in my drawer. He puts the cell phone on the top next to the singing bowls. After realizing that every morning and every evening was a battle, we discussed ways to make it easier. Since he no longer really needs to carry keys because I always have mine, we discontinued that.

Instead of his asking for me to show him how to put on and take off his "Medical Alert Necklace" we resorted to a bracelet (although less stylish) that he keeps on all the time. His comment (while I expected a fight) was, "Oh that will make it easier." He no longer carries loose change.

He still carries his wallet for ID purposes and his cell phone because he can still answer it if he is with his companion and I call him. He can no longer use the phone to call me. When we leave I hand him his phone and wallet and when we come home I take them and put them into the drawer for him. Automatic on my part not depending of the maybe of his.

While I feel bad that I seem to be taking away what little of his independence is left and while I end up having to spend more energy checking on him and waiting until I see that the action is accomplished, it feels good not to have to spend the energy being angry or frustrated and not needing to yet again explain what he needs to do. I just do it for him. I don't mind and apparently he trusts me enough to not mind either.

This Morning Reprise

SO FAR THIS MORNING

Up at 9:00 after a good night sleep.

Gregory shaved and remembered to put on moisturizer afterwards.

Began dressing, underwear on correctly.

Night clothes put away in correct drawer.

Instead of "sweats" followed through on prompt to get fully dressed.

After prompt remembered that we are going to meet a friend for an early lunch.

Was able to select a pair of dress jeans and a "nice" shirt on his own.

Asked which shoes he should wear and followed through.

In kitchen, took pills remembering to bring his water glass from bedroom.

Instead of a full breakfast, per prompt, had a muffin with butter which was left for him on the counter.

Asked if the door alarm was off so he could get the newspaper.

Read newspaper until time to leave.

Remembered to get a light jacket based on earlier conversation of cooler temperature outside.

One day off, one day on!