I have posted here before about the concept of "Faith." I have found my views reflected and strengthened and improved by the book: Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience, by Sharon Salzburg.
She begins the book with: "For some this will be a very different approach to faith. Many link faith to narrow-minded belief systems, lack of intelligent examination, or pain at having one's questions silenced. Faith might evoke images of submission to an external authority. Historically, the idea of faith has been used to slice cleanly between those who belong to a select group and those who do not. To fuel their own embittered agendas, fanatics harness what they call faith to hatred.
"I want to invite a new use of the word faith, one that is not associated with a dogmatic religious interpretation or divisiveness. I want to encourage delight in the word, to help reclaim faith as fresh, vibrant, intelligent, and liberating. This is a faith that emphasizes a foundation of love and respect for ourselves. It is a faith that uncovers our connection to others, rather than designating anyone as separate or apart.
"Faith does not require a belief system, and is not necessarily connect to a deity or God. thought it doesn't deny one. The faith is not a commodity we either have or don't have ― it is an inner quality that unfolds as we learn to trust our own deepest experience.
I like her look at what faith can and should be. Often I have said that for me, faith doesn't mean faith in any one religion or in a God, but rather faith in myself to make the right decisions and to trust myself to do the right thing. I have learned a lot from studying many religions, but I take a risk by admitting that I do not need a religion to tell me how to trust or do the right thing. I do not say that this is true for all, and I respect other's approach to their religion, but for me, my approach works well enough.
I write this here on my Alzheimer's Blog because "Faith" is what has helped me through the journey that Gregory and I walked (sometimes ran, sometimes skipped, and sometimes stumbled) for the last twelve years since his diagnosis of Dementia/ Alzheimer's.
Faith is what is helping me grieve and live with Gregory's passing (October 4, 2015) and with carrying on with my next chapter in life without him. As Starwars Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi said: "May the FORCE be with you." I would give you my wish, "May your FAITH in yourself be with you."
Showing posts with label Self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Self, Selfishness, Selflessness
I continue to be amazed at how on target DAILY OM is for me. Based on Buddhist teachings, their lessons and inspirations talk to me. In the past I have used the term Selfish saying one must take care of oneself first in order to have the health and energy to be able to give to others. Perhaps I will change from Selfish to Selflessness to clarify from what most people call Selfish. www.dailyom.com |
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Saturday, March 9, 2013
Optimism
Interesting shifts take place the longer one deals with being an Alzheimer's Caregiver Partner. I realized that while taking care of my partner (keeping him as safe, clean, content, useful, busy, etc) I have forgotten to figure myself into the equation.
Not that I don't take care of myself but the personalities of the Caregiver Partners seem to merge with my own taking second place. All thoughts are shadowed by Gregory and his Alzheimer's.
The task is all consuming physically, emotionally, psychologically, and intellectually with little time left for myself. People always say, "Are you taking care of yourself?" While they are well meaning, it tells me that they do not really understand what it takes to be in this position.
Of course I am taking care of myself as much as possible. I eat well. I continue to sleep well. I can got out on my own when Gregory's Companions are with him. I read, go to the theater, eat candy, enjoy cooking, feel good about the order I am able to create for Gregory and me in our home.
But the emotional side of seeing your loved one continue to disintegrate in front of your eyes on a daily basis, unable to do today what he could do yesterday, who knows about tomorrow, and to try to untangle the messy web of associations he gets himself into cannot be put to rest.
The constant monitoring of his needs, actions, behaviors, thoughts is a job that cannot take a ten minute break, a weekend off, let alone a vacation. It is with you all the time even when I are not with Gregory.
Even while "taking care of yourself" it is very difficult to leave the mental and emotional part behind. It reminds me of people to try to escape from their problems by going on vacation or more extremely running away from their problems only to realize the problems came along with them. You can avoid your problems but that will not help solve them!
But then this shift I first spoke of began to take place. After 35+ years of being part of a loving, respectful, growing relationship and after 10+ years of being the lead caregiver partner, one begins to reestablish his own individuality and his own identity.
Yes I am still Gregory's Life Partner. Yes I am the lead member of his caregiving team. But I am also me and I am separate and I am different and I am unique and I will somehow come out on the other side of this Alzheimer's as a whole me.
This shift began to take place during my Yoga Nidra Mindful Meditation sessions when I realized that all the work done during the meditation was about Gregory instead of about me.
Once I made that shift I found that by making the meditation, the quest, the ability to quiet the noise in my head about me and not him, I was in a better place. I could be better with and for Gregory as well as for myself.
In other words I began to concentrate on me NOT on him and we all received the benefits. For example, NOT "How can I be better for Gregory" but rather "How can I be a better person." One step further is accepting my desires in the present tense, already present and already functioning. I AM A BETTER PERSON!
This BLOG's writing was sparked by today's horoscope as added below. I realized as I read it and identified with what it had to say, that I was thinking about me and my life and my future and not necessarily Gregory's. This may sound selfish but it is not.
My meditations will change me ... not Gregory. It will help me create a more patient, calm, loving environment for Gregory but he will still have to be the one to live in his world. I will work at understanding his world, but I do not have to live in it!
From: http://www.dailyom.com
March 9, 2013
Lifted by Outlook
Aries Daily Horoscope
Not that I don't take care of myself but the personalities of the Caregiver Partners seem to merge with my own taking second place. All thoughts are shadowed by Gregory and his Alzheimer's.
The task is all consuming physically, emotionally, psychologically, and intellectually with little time left for myself. People always say, "Are you taking care of yourself?" While they are well meaning, it tells me that they do not really understand what it takes to be in this position.
Of course I am taking care of myself as much as possible. I eat well. I continue to sleep well. I can got out on my own when Gregory's Companions are with him. I read, go to the theater, eat candy, enjoy cooking, feel good about the order I am able to create for Gregory and me in our home.
But the emotional side of seeing your loved one continue to disintegrate in front of your eyes on a daily basis, unable to do today what he could do yesterday, who knows about tomorrow, and to try to untangle the messy web of associations he gets himself into cannot be put to rest.
The constant monitoring of his needs, actions, behaviors, thoughts is a job that cannot take a ten minute break, a weekend off, let alone a vacation. It is with you all the time even when I are not with Gregory.
Even while "taking care of yourself" it is very difficult to leave the mental and emotional part behind. It reminds me of people to try to escape from their problems by going on vacation or more extremely running away from their problems only to realize the problems came along with them. You can avoid your problems but that will not help solve them!
But then this shift I first spoke of began to take place. After 35+ years of being part of a loving, respectful, growing relationship and after 10+ years of being the lead caregiver partner, one begins to reestablish his own individuality and his own identity.
Yes I am still Gregory's Life Partner. Yes I am the lead member of his caregiving team. But I am also me and I am separate and I am different and I am unique and I will somehow come out on the other side of this Alzheimer's as a whole me.
This shift began to take place during my Yoga Nidra Mindful Meditation sessions when I realized that all the work done during the meditation was about Gregory instead of about me.
Once I made that shift I found that by making the meditation, the quest, the ability to quiet the noise in my head about me and not him, I was in a better place. I could be better with and for Gregory as well as for myself.
In other words I began to concentrate on me NOT on him and we all received the benefits. For example, NOT "How can I be better for Gregory" but rather "How can I be a better person." One step further is accepting my desires in the present tense, already present and already functioning. I AM A BETTER PERSON!
This BLOG's writing was sparked by today's horoscope as added below. I realized as I read it and identified with what it had to say, that I was thinking about me and my life and my future and not necessarily Gregory's. This may sound selfish but it is not.
My meditations will change me ... not Gregory. It will help me create a more patient, calm, loving environment for Gregory but he will still have to be the one to live in his world. I will work at understanding his world, but I do not have to live in it!
• • • • •
From: http://www.dailyom.com
March 9, 2013
Lifted by Outlook
Aries Daily Horoscope
Your optimism can spark your determination today, providing you with the motivation you need to reach a new phase of accomplishment. The visions of a more beautiful future that you entertain while working and playing will likely inspire you to double your efforts where your ambitions are concerned. You may feel buoyant and energized as you contemplate the fulfillment of your expectations. And because you are likely approaching your tasks with an attitude of confidence today, you may find that you do not hesitate when presented with auspicious opportunities. If you take pleasure in your quest for accomplishment, you will likely have little trouble looking on the brighter side of life.
The most potent forms of motivation are often those that originate within us, fueled by the joy we feel when we contemplate our positive expectations. When we focus on our dreams and hopes, we need not concern ourselves greatly with the trials we face in the pursuit of our ambitions. Though we must address these issues directly, they do not cause anxious thoughts to blossom in our minds. Rather, we choose to treat tribulation pragmatically by doing all that is within our power to overcome the roadblocks that stand in the way of our eventual success. Our spirits never flag and we can take pride in the fact that we are doing our best to meet our goals, no matter what the outcome of our efforts is. The optimism you carry in your heart today will energize you and ensure that you stay strong in the face of adversity.
The most potent forms of motivation are often those that originate within us, fueled by the joy we feel when we contemplate our positive expectations. When we focus on our dreams and hopes, we need not concern ourselves greatly with the trials we face in the pursuit of our ambitions. Though we must address these issues directly, they do not cause anxious thoughts to blossom in our minds. Rather, we choose to treat tribulation pragmatically by doing all that is within our power to overcome the roadblocks that stand in the way of our eventual success. Our spirits never flag and we can take pride in the fact that we are doing our best to meet our goals, no matter what the outcome of our efforts is. The optimism you carry in your heart today will energize you and ensure that you stay strong in the face of adversity.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The Journey
This poem was shared with me by my friend Pat. I agree with her comment: "It makes me feel a little breathless."
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
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