Wandering or Walking?

Check out Kate Swaffer's poem on "Walking" vs "Wandering." Very expressive! 

http://kateswaffer.com/2015/05/21/behaviour-management-or-staff-education/

My reply to her was:

Kate, you did it again. 

First, you make it so obvious that words and language can influence how we think, feel, act ... against and for others with Alzheimer's and other dementia related illnesses. 

Second, poetry is a wonderful way to express and deal with one's feelings. I have self-published two volumes of poetry many of which are informed by Gregory and my journey through Alzheimer's. When Gregory and I could no longer share language, I turned to my computer to help me process my experiences, frustrations, and emotions which led to beginning my blog and my career as a Poet! I find that often my processing expresses itself through poetry. Other people have said, and I repeat, the poetry writes me not me it!

I have always seen the residents on Gregory's floor and also Gregory as people first and Alzheimer's just as the situation we are in. I have always been careful with my "language" when discussing things about Alzheimer's. But I am getting better at it. I love promoting silly little things like calling a bib a "cloth napkin" and diapers "paper pants." 

I have been able to live in their world as well as my own. I have been able to selectively "lie" about "B's" daughter having called to say she loves her. Such joy she felt at such little costs to me! 

I have been able to participate in a business meeting to discuss with "J" what we should do about the furniture delivery. Such a sense or purpose for him and what he used to and thinks he still does.

When "S," sitting by the elevator, asks me when her son will arrive, I tell her I am not sure but I see if I can find out.

But you have brightened my outlook on seeing the entire disease in a new way and how to treat and care for my fellow human beings according to how we talk about dementia and the people affected by it (both those with dementia and those who love and care for them.)

I have begun informing, educating, correcting, etc people with whom I come into contact when their language seems inappropriate. I do so gently and with love. Tonight at dinner, the sister of "M" shared with me that "M" has been aggressive today. I asked, "Is it aggressive or energetic?" The sister liked that and repeated, "Yes, energetic."

If I may, this is my BLOG: http://mhorvichcares.blogspot.com

Also, if I may, this is where my poetry is available: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=michael+horvich 

(P.S. If you buy a new new one, the profits go to Gregory's Lieberman Center Alzheimer's Special Care unit. The used ones available at a cheaper price are owned by others and their profits are not shared.)

Letting Go Part 2

And then this shows up in the Daily OM inspiration e-mail:

April 26, 2015 Control Letting the Curves Take You by Madisyn Taylor The answer to control is practicing surrender. Trying to maintain control in this life is a bit like trying to maintain control on a roller coaster. The ride has its own logic and is going to go its own way, regardless of how tightly you grip the bar. There is a thrill and a power in simply surrendering to the ride and fully feeling the ups and downs of it, letting the curves take you rather than fighting them. When you fight the ride, resisting what’s happening at every turn, your whole being becomes tense and anxiety is your close companion. When you go with the ride, accepting what you cannot control, freedom and joy will inevitably arise. As with so many seemingly simple things in life, it is not always easy to let go, even of the things we know we can’t control. Most of us feel a great discomfort with the givens of this life, one of which is the fact that much of the time we have no control over what happens. Sometimes this awareness comes only when we have a stark encounter with this fact, and all our attempts to be in control are revealed to be unnecessary burdens. We can also cultivate this awareness in ourselves gently, by simply making surrender a daily practice. At the end of our meditation, we might bow, saying, “I surrender to this life.” This simple mantra can be repeated as necessary throughout the day, when we find ourselves metaphorically gripping the safety bar. We can give in to our fear and anxiety, or we can surrender to this great mystery with courage. When we see people on a roller coaster, we see that there are those with their faces tight with fear and then there are those that smile broadly, with their hands in the air, carried through the ride on a wave of freedom and joy. This powerful image reminds us that often the only control we have is choosing how we are going to respond to the ride.

A Bad Day

This spoke to me today. I would add that when having a bad day, it is OK to recognize and sit with your emotions. It is OK to feel down, or low, or bad but only for part of the time. Sit and feel bad for maybe 15 minutes. Then get up and do something that makes you feel good. It is hard to have a bad day when you are feeling good. The bad continues usually because you continue to beat yourself up, or you continue to avoid the truth of what is upsetting you and what you can do to change that. It is easy to say this but a lot more difficult to practice it. Try. Maybe a minute of happiness this time and two next time. It will grow if you let it! I have highlighted some thoughts further down:

January 4, 2015 Bad Days Hard Learned Lessonsby Madisyn Taylor We all have bad days and within these days is usually a gem of a gift waiting to be opened. We all have days from time to time when it feels like the world is against us or that the chaos we are experiencing will never end. One negative circumstance seems to lead to another. You may wonder, on a bad day, whether anything in your life will ever go right again. But a bad day, like any other day, can be a gift. Having a bad day can show you that it is time to slow down, change course, or lighten up. A bad day can help you glean wisdom you might otherwise have overlooked or discounted. Bad days can certainly cause you to experience uncomfortable feelings you would prefer to avoid, yet a bad day may also give you a potent means to learn about yourself. You may consider a bad day to be one where you’ve missing an important meeting because your car stalled, the dryer broke, and you received a piece of very bad news earlier in the morning. Multiple misfortunes that take place one after the other can leave us feeling vulnerable and intensely cognizant of our fragility. But bad days can only have a long-term negative effect on us if we let them. It is better to ask yourself what you can learn from these kinds of days. The state of your bad day may be an indicator that you need to stay in and hibernate or let go of your growing negativity.  Bad days contribute to the people we become. Though we may feel discouraged and distressed on our bad days, a bad day can teach us patience and perseverance. It is important to remember that your attitude drives your destiny and that one negative experience does not have to be the beginning of an ongoing stroke of bad luck. A bad day is memorable because it is one day among many good days – otherwise, we wouldn’t even bother to acknowledge it as a bad day. Know too, that everybody has bad days, you are not alone, the world is not against you. Tomorrow is guaranteed to be a brighter day.

Technically the glass is always full! Wonderful way to look at life when you wake up every day with someone who has Alzheimer's Disease.

A Guidance System

Emotions are your guidance system, not the cause your problems. Emotions are the response to what is happening in your life. They are an indication of what you are experiencing. Like a thermometer tells you the temperature in a room, your emotions tell you about the state of your life. Therefore, emotions are a good thing that can guide you to making your life what you want it to be.

Usually one hears about guidance systems when referring to airplanes or missiles. With airplanes, the guidance system helps make sure you will safely reach your vacation destination. In shooting a missile, the guidance system helps make sure the missile hits its destination doing the desired damage.

With emotions, the guidance system tells you whether what you are experiencing is making you happy or sad, is right or wrong, is good or bad. So if you are angry or depressed or sad, that is not the problem. That is the measure of your problem. 

To make changes, you must dig deeper than your emotions (or maybe you already have) to find the cause of your anger, your depression, your sadness. It is easy to say, "I am depressed" and to leave it there, being depressed. It is as if labeling the emotion is enough. However, when used as a guidance system, your emotions help you to be armed with a better understanding of the current state of affairs of your life and you can begin to deal with the cause, to correct it if you can. 

As you make these changes, you will feel your emotional barometer change. Most situations can be changed, if not by yourself then with the help of a family member, a friend, or a trained professional. In those situations that cannot be changed, your thinking can be. While it may seem difficult to impossible, one does have that choice and that ability. 

I believe that each one of us is creating for ourselves a life that reflects how we think about things, how we see things, whether we are optimistic or pessimistic. We must remember that our emotions are only the measure your life not the cause. 

If your emotions are telling you that you are happy and that your life is good, keep up the good work. If your emotions are telling you that you are sad, unhappy, lonely, frightened, depressed, etc, then think about how to begin the process of change.

On a day to day basis, you can alter your emotions by how you think about things. If the person in line at the grocery store in front of you is giving the checker a hard time and holding up the line, it is not necessarily about you and your anger at having to wait or your disgust with the woman's rudeness.

Maybe the person can barely afford her groceries, maybe her husband is dying of cancer, maybe she just got a call that her child was in trouble again at school. If you can begin to look at the "maybes," chances are you will not be as angry with this stranger who is holding up the line as you were. Often, a person's problems are invisible, so don't take them for granted.

Even with something as severe as the diagnosis of an incurable disease; a person can change their thinking. He can spend all the time left being depressed, down, and sad or he can make the best of the time left, do those things he has been postponing, make sure he tells those who matter that he loves them, look at those parts of his life for which he should be grateful. He can live life as well as he can, while he can.

While some sayings are trite, like ...  you can change if you want to, it is all in how you think about it, if you change your attitude you can change your life  ...  they are true. Try it, you'll be surprised.

Noah's Ark

Got this inspirational e-mail from a friend and while their intention was good, it rubbed me the wrong way. So last night I went in and "red line" commented. All negative. This morning I realized that and went back in to "green line" and to try to see the positive. What do you think?

• • • • •

I am not afraid of tomorrow for I have seen yesterday and I love  am having a hard time with today. But today is really all we have and it is what we do with it!

Noah's Ark :  Everyting I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark. I doubt it. We learn from many places and people and experiences. 

ONE: Don't miss the boat. It’s got nothing to do with being on the boat. It has to do with making good decisions, being a caring person, love.

TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat! Not true, we each have our separate problems to deal with and our own successes. While we all come from the same source how we live our lives can be different as night and day.

THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Sometimes there is no way to guess what might be needed in the future. So just live one day at a time and do the best you can.

FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. A shame if you waited until you were 60 to do something really big. Hopefully your life will be filled with many big things over time, especially if you know how to look for them.

FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. This is somewhat true although sometimes the critics are right. Most important however, is to listen to yourself, to your heart.

SIX: Build your future on high ground. No matter how high the ground you might still drown. Or you might know how much is enough and live purely and simply.

SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Sometimes the pairs work and other times you need to leave the other behind. Actually LOVE is all you have.

EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.  Sometimes delayed actions miss the opportunity. Traveling is the point not how slowly or quickly.

NINE: When you're stressed, float awhile. Or drown. Or have a good cry, meditate, count what you are grateful for and the stress will dissipate. 

TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. And they both caused a lots of deaths. Either way we all die and what counts is how we spent our life and how we loved.

ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. If God exists and while there might be a rainbow waiting it usually disappears with the sun. God is within, trust yourself, know what matters, LOVE!