Chopin's Ballad No.1 Op 23

This was Gregory and my favorite piece: Chopin's Ballad No.1 Op 23. (You can click to listen below.)

Many years ago Gregory became enthralled with the piece and learned one page, doubting that he would be able to do more. I encouraged him to at least try to add a little bit at a time. Over five years, Gregory at his black, shiny, Yamaha grand piano and with me lying on the couch listening to him practice and practice and practice, he proceeded to learn the entire piece.

He would ask, "Aren't you bored with hearing me make so many mistakes (also called clams)?" My answer was always, "Never!" I used to tell people that to me the greatest feeling of home was hearing Gregory's piano music singing, dancing, and flowing through our house.

Eventually Gregory went on to perform the piece for our Gay Family at Chuck and John's house in Racine, Wi at the "First Annual Musicale," where family members performed, played piano, recited poetry, etc.

Not having much talent in this way and joined by Dominic, we created trays to carry around our necks and put on paper tiaras of sorts to recreate the image of a "Cigar Girl" from days earlier, who would circulate at the 50's supper club selling cigars and cigarettes. During intermission we distributed popcorn, boxes of candy, and soda.

When it was Gregory's turn to perform I had to leave the room. I was so nervous for him. He had a fear of performing for others that stemmed from his childhood. First, his mother Helen, while responsible for giving him this life long gift, also was the typical demanding, strict, piano practice enforcing mother. At one point Gregory, during college, stopped playing because of how badly his mom had "loaded" the piano experience.

While I cannot take all the credit for helping him return to the black and whites, I will take some. But I diverge, the reason I was so nervous was that Gregory always talked about how when during his childhood recitals he would be so relieved that the piece was almost over, he would inadvertently end it by hitting a glaringly wrong note in the last few bars.

You need to know that Ballad No.1 is a very athletic piece, played by people like Arturo Rubinstein, Vladimir Horowitz, and Daniel Barenboim for an encore at Carnegie Hall! At the "Musicale" he played the piece flawlessly to a standing ovation from the group. You should have seen his face!

After Gregory slowly became unable to play piano anymore, he decided that it was time to sell it. If he couldn't play it well, why not let someone who could, have it. We found a young composer, recently returned from LA who purchased the piano after sitting in our home and practicing and falling in love with the piano.

Gregory in his usual calm, intelligent, loving optimistic way was not upset at seeing the piano leave our home. He was happy about its new home and he commented: "I can listen to as much music as I would like on CDs and that make me happy."

Share Chopin's Ballad No.1 Op 23 with me:

Piano Recital

This is amazing. Another MAGICAL MONUMENTAL MOMENT! I have been wanting to sit Gregory down in front of the grand piano in Liberman's Great Room but have been afraid to do so wondering if it would be traumatic for him. Today I decided to try.

I lifted his hands and fingers and placed them on the keys. I played the keys further up the keyboard with his fingers just sitting on the lower keys. Then I pushed his fingers to make music. He would take his hands off the keyboard and I would play a little then put his fingers back. We did this quite a few times.

He would posture his fingers as if the "muscle memory" was trying to take over. The positions he attempted with his hands and fingers were very similar to what I had seen many times as he was getting ready to play. Sometimes the fingers would just sit there after posturing and other times he would strike one key or a handful of them.

I do not do these things in the hope that he will re-gain abilities or skills. I do them as yet another way to provide him with daily meaningful activities and as a way of interacting with him using skills he used to love doing.

Our practice session lasted about 5 minutes. Then I recorded this 18 second piece. I facilitated, I recorded, but I was astounded when I watched what had been recorded. I had not realized until I watched this video, what he was able to accomplish in such a short period of time.

He hasn't "played piano" for at least 8 years! He didn't all of a sudden play Chopin like he used to but you could see his hands trying to get back some of that muscle memory and eventually he did compose this piece which I will call: "Gregory's Muscle Memory."

At the end of the piece, you can see Gregory's fingers "making silent love" to the keys and his final comment sums up for me how he felt about the experience.

Today We Played Piano

Today, during one of my recent extended stays with Gregory, we listened to piano music. We started with Beethoven followed by Schuman, Rachmaninoff, and Chopin.

Through most of Beethoven Gregory moaned with delight. "My. My. My. My. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh."

During Schuman he cried with joyful reminiscence. I also helped his hands move through the motions of playing the treble with his right hand and playing the base with his left hand both in time to the piece we were listening to. While I did most of the movement I could feel his hands and fingers responding behind my control.

During Rachmaninoff we laughed when I said, "Too many notes," and retold the story of my father's comment/ compliment at Gregory's recital of Rachmaninoff for the family, "That sure was loud!"

After the first few bars into the Chopin, Gregory covered his face with his hands and began with a cry, then moved into sobs, which escalated to howls and over and over again saying something close to "I can't, I can't, I'll never." As suddenly as he went into his reverie he arrived back. I held him and we rocked for the rest of the piece.

During the Beethoven and Schuman, I asked several times if he was OK and he clearly said, "Yes."

During Rachmaninoff I commented, "What a fun time we are having!" He agreed.

For the Chopin, after his howling subsided, I asked if he wanted to stop listening for a while and he clearly said, "Yes, for a while!'

Through most this experience I measured my emotions which were ones of joy at being able to provide Gregory with memories and an opportunity to express his emotions. I was "here and now" and didn't think about his loss or my loss of who my best friend/lover used to be.

When we got to the howling, I began to cry as well, was overwhelmed with the Gregory who used to be and our relationship that does not and never will exist in the same way again. I began wondering at the worth of the experience. But Gregory's need to howl was there and it arrived and I held his hand and we rocked and it was over and it was good.

I feel great joy and great success when I am able to provide for his needs and feelings no matter the cost to mine!