Life in Retrospect

So in talking to Gregory about my taking over more, I said that there was no way of my going through these major changes nicely without making him feel bad, so I need a couple of days to adjust to the changes and then I will be able to be more gracious.

He cried, held my hand, and said, "I am so so sad for you. I am so sad. I love you so much."

I held his hand back and said, "I know it's not your fault. Our love for each other is never in question. I am and will be here for you. We will get through this the best we can. This is our life now. We will get through."

By this afternoon we got a good report from the skin doctor, browsed Create and Barrel, bought a massage vest from Brookstone, had a great hamburger at EPIC burger, cruised the store manager, went to Dominic's for a few groceries, and are now having our afternoon coffee.

It was (is) as if today (was) is no different from any other day. A friend Nancy said about herself when having night time panic, "Life always looks better in the daylight." That saying has helped me through many a night. To help with the day I might add, "Life always looks better later or in retrospect!"

What Goes On In There?

I feel that I have a really good understanding of WHAT happens (or doesn't happen) in Gregory's brain that causes his outward appearances of Alzheimer's/Dementia. I have learned a lot by reading and on the Alzheimer's Association website including several on-line workshops provided there. I also have learned a lot from our neurologist and from a close family friend whose husband was diagnosed with ALZ about ten years earlier than Gregory.

What I have no grasp on is HOW at times the behaviors, actions, communications manifest themselves. I have put together the following way of describing it to those who ask. 

"At times I have absolutely no framework what-so-ever on which to hang an understanding of what took place during an interaction between Gregory and myself. Therefore I have no way of figuring out how to react or reply. This causes my confusion to compound his confusion and at times causes my response to be less than graciously caring. The caring is always there, but sometimes it is not as gracious as I would like it to be." 

Putting my feelings into words helps me better deal with the reality of any particular situation/or interaction and helps improve the response to any particular situation/interaction. Sometimes blinking and shaking my head in amazement helps me get through one of those types of interactions.

Grace

I was watching a series of three short videos for an Alzheimer's drug company that was conducting a survey as to the effectiveness of the videos in relating to caregivers. Two of the videos didn't really appeal to me. One was about a man talking about his father getting used to living with him. Wasn't much emotion there. Another one was about a woman who takes care of her mom now like her mom used to take care of her. Emotional but not my style.

The third I could relate to. The woman was saying that she was better able to have a good day with her mother when she herself was well rested, had a chance to exercise, and didn't feel rushed. I could relate to that. Then she quoted a friend of hers and I could really relate to the quote: "You do not have to care graciously, you just have to care." She responded saying, "I am not always gracious, but I do care!" I could identify with that.

My final comments to the drug company is that very few pictures and/or advertisements talking about dementia did they show married couples, usually it is a child taking care of a parent. And NEVER did I see a situation in which same sex partners were involved in this Alzheimer's journey.

Alzhemer's does not discriminate, it affects all people equally.