The Hats I Wear: Part 1

When we visit the doctor, I wear all of the hats that are needed. Gregory and I have always been open with each other (Gregory now a days as much as his language allows him to be.) While I have told a few white lies or selectively forgotten to inform him of something, we always discuss everything about our situation and I include him in all decisions if only to tell him "I have decided..." 

I keep anecdotal notes and print them out when we go to the doctor. I do most of the talking and let Gregory join in when he attempts to do so. Our doctors treat him with respect and always begin by addressing their questions directly to Gregory knowing I will "chime in" as necessary. When I am having to talk to the doctor about difficult issues (dealing with Gregory Alzheimer's and its progression) I will often appologize to Gregory for talking about him as if he wasn't there. At the point when I need to talk about issues that I do not want Gregory to know about, to help preserve his happy bliss, I will call the doctor ahead of time and discuss the issues privately. 

Gregory continues to accept my support graciously and to trust himself and his care to me. In fact he trusts me unconditionally (may it last forever) with his life.

Negotiating Dignity

Negotiating Dignity. By Jan Yourist. Click this link to go to a thoughtful, helpful yet painful BLOG on helping one's parents age with dignity.

Gregory is not yet to the point in his Alzheimer's progress that he needs help with his physical needs but I have often thought about the time when he will. As Jan poses at the end of her BLOG, it is even more difficult to have to think of the eventuality of not only needing support with my own physical needs but how that will impact his physical needs being met. Perhaps I should get more involved than I have been in investigating what is out there for when the time comes.

In our case and at this point in time, I am dealing mainly with helping Gregory process, problem solve, make decisions, use language, maintain his heath. In other words, to negotiate his day to day life with dignity. I try to ensure that his life is safe, happy, and dignified emotionally.

This is not always easy especially when I sometimes have to play guessing games to figure out what his needs are. Sometimes he is not sure what his own needs are let alone be able to express them. Other times I am not at my best in dealing with Gregory when my own emotional state is out of balance.

At least both Gregory and I have so far lived our lives with dignity when it comes to family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, business associates, fellow (wo)mankind. Hopefully that should make it easier to live with dignity for ourselves as needs increase.