Brainstorms

Let Go

I have mentioned before that I find great solace in Unity Temple's "Daily Word." Not every day speaks to me but most often it does. I also clarify that I am a spiritual person not a religious person and continue to figure out what this thing called "God" is all about. You will note below that often I "alter" the religious overtones and make them my own. I am able to take the daily word at its word level and often the words make sense to me.

I found this entry a good suggestion for dealing with stressful interactions with Gregory. It addresses "one by one each concern for my life and the lives of my loved ones," which comes in handy, but I apply it instead to the difficulty of the moment and find that I am then able to respond calmly, lovingly, helpfully and not angrily or with frustration.

Try it...

About Daily Word | Pray | Affirmations | Articles | Search Archives | Subscribe | Shop | Donate Monday, August 22, 2011 LET GO of the moment , LET GOD I release my concerns, certain of God's good. Release is an act of confidence, not failure. In times of stress, I take a moment to find the gentle rhythm of my breath. If I feel tension, I relax my body and allow my mind to experience a moment of peace. I breathe in and out with quiet awareness. On my outward breaths, I release one by one each concern for my life and the lives of my loved ones. On my inward breaths, I accept the assurance of right outcomes. I let go of my need to control and to know how everything will unfold. New ideas and insights are revealed in divine time and order. I trust myself. I trust in God--the Infinite Source of healing and resolution. I will know what is mine to do, when it is time. The Lord is good to all, and his compassion is over all that he has made. --Psalm 145:9

Escape

When I tell my therapist that sometimes I feel like I cannot ESCAPE the 360 of caregiving for Gregory, he helps me reword it. He says that if I was trying to escape I wouldn't be sticking it out and I wouldn't be giving my all to keep Gregory safe, content, and to maintain purpose in his life.

Perhaps what I am looking for is just a "little time away" without the caregiving sitting in a little corner of my mind needing attention. I have slowly learned to find those free moments and recognize them when they do arrive. More later.

When I leave him alone I trust he will do well (and I will continue to leave him until he does not do well) but I call in to see how he's doing. Or he can still call me when he gets into trouble. Before I leave I have to set up his meal.

When he is with me I monitor his whereabouts and sometimes have to coach his behavior. I help him choose clothes and notice the weather. I double check that his cell phone is on and that his pockets are filled. We bring water for the car. I make sure a jacket is with us if it might be cool or air conditioned. I order for him at the restaurant, 

When we are fast asleep, like the good mother who knows when the new baby needs her, I am instantly awake when he needs me. Through my own exhaustion I soothe his nightmares, help calm his hallucinations, double check to make sure he is just up to the bathroom or that he does get up to the bathroom so as not to wet the bed.

I organize outings with friends and organize parties in our home because he thrives on being with people. I do all the planning, the work, and the clean up. But worth it because he loves it. We also go to movies, theater, field trips, museums, etc.

I have learned to search out those "time away" moments and to see them when they do arrive. When he is fast asleep, I am free. When he is reading in the living room, I am free. When I get involved in a good book or movie, I am free. When I go for a walk by myself and notice the flowers, I am free. When I get an hour massage, I am free. When I am holding his hand, I am free. When I remember that I do all of this out of love, I AM FREE!

Ounce of Prevention

In our condo, we now have Alert 1's medical security system. You've heard the "I've fallen and can't get up!" commercial? Well I decided that for less than a dollar a day it was worth the piece of mind to know that I could get help quickly if I was in trouble.

Did I say I? Well with Gregory's Alzheimer's I realized that I could not depend on him in an emergency. If I need help, unless I am really far gone, I could probably be able to crawl to the station in the bedroom, TV room, or kitchen and push the button for help. If I can not tell the responder what the problem is they will automatically send an ambulance and paramedic.

Then they will notify several people on our emergency list to inform them of what is going on. Our friends can not get to the condo quickly enough to help but they can get here to help Gregory until I return or until other arrangements are made.

So today the system had a test. A fierce storm ripped through Chicago, including Evanston, and over 600,00 people were without power for most of the day. The power went out at 8:00 am, we left the condo at about 10:00 am and by 1:00 pm we received a call first from Jan, and next from Roger, the two first responders on our emergency list.

The Alert 1 unit has a battery back up for short power outages but our outage had spent the battery and the Alert 1 people got a "bad battery" message. They tried calling us but not only were we away from the condo, when the power is out our telephone system doesn't work. So Alert 1 followed through and called the first responders to check up on us.

I called the company back and let them know we were OK. I also added my cell phone number to their information bank with the explanation that our land line does not work when the power is out. While the exercise seemed full of "Strum and Dram" it was good to know that the system worked well.

I called Jan and Roger back and said, "We have not fallen and if we had, we were able to get up!"

Happy & Coping

I think I have written this before but after responding to a friend who read some of my Alzheimer's Blog and who I used to teach with many, many years ago, I felt it was worth saying again.

Again, thanks for the kind words. I like to say that on a scale of horrible to horrible it is terrible. But as you could tell from my writing, Gregory is happy and content and I am coping. We both seem to have Piece and Peace of Mind. Thus, we are doing well. I also like to say that if it stopped here I would be grateful but... and I try not to dwell too much on the future. We consider ourselves blessed and wake up each morning to face the day with love and joy. Take care.

m

I haven't been writing much as I have told you previously because of all the time, effort, work, joy, and magic of getting Michael's Museum at the Chicago Children's Museum up and running. Gregory took great joy and pride in coming to CCM with me during the month of April and the first half of May to help with the unpacking and installation of the MM exhibit. One morning he commented in the car, "I really like getting up so early and coming with, it is like I have purpose!" That sounded good to me.


Michael's Museum Exhibit Photos - Michael Horvich - Picasa Web Albums

Alert 1

Well, I've done it. "I've fallen and I can't get up." Read on...

As I have aged, I realize that I pass milestones that place me in my parent's generation. Over the years I would hear them talk about various conditions, changes, ways of looking at things and either I would hear them but not listen or I would write it off to "my parents being my parents." Now I understand.

Like my parents, we've moved to a condo and enjoy not having to maintain the house and grounds. We nap. We like to be at home at night and snuggle in. At restaurants we sometimes share entrees. Entertaining takes a toll so we do it easier or do it less. Pills are organized into our "S M T W T F S" boxes, white for day and blue for night. We do not eat too late at night. Pardon me ... but if we do not move our bowels we are aware of it. And so on...

Dealing with Gregory's Alzheimer's diagnosis has presented many other age related problems with which I have had no experience. But I am learning. For example, this week I ordered a Medical Alert System for the condo. If something was to happen to me (heart attack, crack on the head, broken hip) I am not sure that Gregory would be able to deal with the situation. When he is under stress, he temporarily looses even more of his abilities and I can picture myself laying on the floor trying to give him instructions or worse yet, passed out unable to give him instructions.

So now we have a large white box on my bedroom nightstand with its very loud speaker and bring red button (which lights up) marked EMERGENCY! I have a fob that I can wear around my neck that also has a red emergency button and I have a watchband button as well. Both activate the big box in the bedroom. I haven't taken to wearing the remote buttons when I am at home yet but probably need to get into the habit.

When I tested the system, within a minute of pressing the button someone came on the speaker box and asked (to be heard all through the condo unit) "Are you alright?"

I answered, "Yes I am testing the system."

"Am I speaking to Michael?" (On their records because I am listed as the "primary user."

"Yes."

"Is Gregory alright also?"

"Yes."

"We will mark this as a test of the system. Remember when ever you need help call us by pressing your emergency button. Thanks for using Alert 1."

Last night as I was drifting off I was musing about the service. Peace of mind is good.= but they forgot to ask about Mariah, our cat.