Clock With No Hands

Taken from M Train, by Patti Smith,  P. 83. 2015.

"I closed my notebook and sat in there café thinking about real time. Is it time uninterrupted? Only the present comprehended? Are our thoughts nothing but passing trains, no stops, devoid of dimensions, whizzing by massive posters with repeating images?  Catching a fragment from a window seat, yet another fragment from the next identical frame? If I write in the present yet digress, is that still real time? Real time, I reasoned, cannot be divided into sections like numbers on the face of a clock. If I write about the past as I simultaneously dwell in the present, am I still in real time? Perhaps there is no past or future, only the perpetual present that contains this trinity of memory. I looked out into the street and noticed the light changing. Perhaps the sun had slipped behind a cloud. Perhaps time had slipped away.

Reality

Often the truest statements make no sense if you have not come to the same conclusion by your own means. I know this but share this quote in the hopes that this time it might mean someting to  you as I continue work at making it mean someething to me. 

http://www.abraham-hicks.com

Arising to Panic

We have gotten used to arising in panic.
Late hours of the night or wee hours of the morning.
"There. Look. What is that?"
"Nothing, you are just dreaming. Nothing to worry about. Go back to sleep."
"Are you sure. Are you sure."
"Yes, everything is OK," stroking his cheek, holding his hand.
We both settle down and fall back to sleep.

In the beginning these events used to disturb me and I could not get back to sleep. Now they have become expected and for some reason that makes them easier with which to deal.

Telling Gregory that "You're only dreaming" is easier and kinder than addressing the fact that he has begun to hallucinate. I am not sure what he is seeing, and to him it is real ... but I can be calm and assure him that everything is under control. He is able to trust me and fall back asleep.

There is the possibility that he wakes and is not able to separate his dream from reality. If this is the case we may not have hallucination but something none-the-less real for him. Again, calm support and comforting does the trick.

More difficult, but still now expected and therefore tolerable, is when he knocks an imaginary something off my sleeping shoulder bringing me fully awake quickly. Sometimes picking something out of my hair is either a service or an hallucination, but either way I react calmly.

To me it is the unexpected and unknown that freaks me out. Once I can rely on something, even if it isn't pretty, I can better deal with it. Once I can begin, at least, to understand what is happening or what might be going on in his mind, I can better deal with it.

A third aspect in better dealing is to not allow myself to worry about the future. I know it will get worse. I know the "rules" and "understandings" will change, but that is tomorrow. Tonight I'll just get back to sleep, holding my honey's hand, and sending him thoughts of love.

Reality

What they believe is their reality. Not yours.
Not the expected. Not the accepted.
Not the usual. Not the same day to day.
What they believe is their reality. Not the world's.