Manny and Gregory had returned from the Sunday entertainment and I found them in Gregory's room. This is the first time in a long time that I was unable to attend the 3:00 program.
Gregory and I hugged. Manny and I caught up on some "housekeeping" like my returning newly laundered pillow cases, checking to make sure there were enough snacks in the fridge, getting feedback on how Gregory was doing with his tush rash, helping Manny with a few pointers on using his new iPhone (which was a gift from Gregory and me.)
Then Manny "disappeared into the hall" and Gregory and I had some alone time. I told Gregory I loved him, that he makes me happy, and that I like being with him.
I leaned into his left shoulder and with some effort helped him lift his right arm and placed his hand on my head. I could feel him slightly stroking my hair and my tears and a few sobs arrived without warning.
Even though I had set it up, it was wonderful being caressed and touched by the person I love most in the world. I am not sure how much Gregory was aware of the situation.
We just sat quietly like this and then at Gregory's gesture, we moved away from each other. I again said, "I love you."
He replied, "I love you."
I asked, "How much do you love me?"
He replied, "Very much."
I said, "I love you very much too."
"Yes," was his response.
"Thank you." I said.
He answered, "You are welcome."
It was almost like a normal communication. In fact it was a normal communication. One learns not to look too deeply in understanding, mindfulness, or intent. One just enjoys the moment.
Showing posts with label Intent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Intent. Show all posts
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Meditation Class 7
Missed last week's class but will listen to the MP3 when I can. I had to struggle with the choice of "skipping" another week if only because of so much going on during the holiday season, I just didn't want to face the "work" of calming down enough to go through 40 or so minutes of intense mindful meditation.
But I went anyway and am glad I did. Even after missing a week, I was able to meditate deeply, although amid a whirlwind of competing images and thoughts. I was able to notice them, say "Not now," and tune back into Corinne's soothing guidance.
This week in my Nidra Yoga Meditation class we concentrated on beliefs. My intent was to focus on my weight. My heartfelt desire I labeled HEALTH. The idea is that my weight is at such a point that I am uncomfortable, do not like the way my clothes fit, do not like the way I look, find my energy lacking, sometimes have difficulty with being out of breath, tire easily, and generally do not feel that I am being as good to my body and HEALTH as I should be.
It is easy to slip into getting used to being where one currently is and coping with the existing conditions. They become internalized and become part of who you think are as opposed to what your true nature is. When you get used to the difficulties in moving around, bending, lifting, breathing, etc; you accept that as the norm.
Eventually one has spent so much time thinking that the norm is the truth that you need to spend at least that amount of time undoing the norm and rediscovering your truth and honestly, that feel hopeless. Easier to accept what is rather than change or revise.
So in our meditation, when Corinne asked us to look at our beliefs about our intent and heartfelt desire, I have to admit that my little voice said to me, "You really don't believe you can do this, do you?" And the honest answer was, "No, I don't! I know that I must take control of this situation, I know how to do so by eating well and exercising, I just don't believe that I can or will so it is easier just to have another cookie or piece of pizza."
Next week we will continue to look at beliefs as a way of bracketing the New Year. Kind of like my New Year's Resolution, stated in positive terms as though already realized:
I am healthy. I exercise regularly. I choose healthy foods and avoid sugar, white flour, and fried foods. I do not eat to "keep my child happy." I eat slowly and with relish and know when I have eaten enough. I am energetic and breath easily even on heavy tasks. My clothes fit well and I look good to myself in the mirror. I know I will never have the body of a 20 year old again but at least with my clothes on, I look good!
An interesting aside is that during the entire meditation Gregory did not exist. He was sitting downstairs reading a book, his companion had called in sick so I took him along, I knew he was busy and safe.
Upstairs I was meditating on issues that only had to do with ME! I thought of him once during the meditation but told myself he was OK and asked those thoughts to go away for now, which they did.
Often my heartfelt desires dealt with my being able to be patient with Gregory, and understanding, and successful as a caregiver etc. This was the first time I worked on only me, right from the beginning of the meditation.
Every now and then a "blessing" or "gift" arrives in your life. Corinne Peterson has been that for me. Arriving at just the time I needed to be able to find a peaceful place, outside my active and stressful days, away from the noise of my mind.
I had read a lot about the process and the need of meditation and I had thought I could just lock myself in the dark closet and "do it!" I never succeeded let along begun.
When Sarah McLaughlin, my massage therapist, introduced me to Corinne, my path was made clear. Thanks to both Sarah and Corinne for being part of my life.
I am taking this class at the Heartwood Center in Evanston with Corinne Peterson.
http://www.corinnepeterson.com/yoga-therapy/
But I went anyway and am glad I did. Even after missing a week, I was able to meditate deeply, although amid a whirlwind of competing images and thoughts. I was able to notice them, say "Not now," and tune back into Corinne's soothing guidance.
This week in my Nidra Yoga Meditation class we concentrated on beliefs. My intent was to focus on my weight. My heartfelt desire I labeled HEALTH. The idea is that my weight is at such a point that I am uncomfortable, do not like the way my clothes fit, do not like the way I look, find my energy lacking, sometimes have difficulty with being out of breath, tire easily, and generally do not feel that I am being as good to my body and HEALTH as I should be.
It is easy to slip into getting used to being where one currently is and coping with the existing conditions. They become internalized and become part of who you think are as opposed to what your true nature is. When you get used to the difficulties in moving around, bending, lifting, breathing, etc; you accept that as the norm.
Eventually one has spent so much time thinking that the norm is the truth that you need to spend at least that amount of time undoing the norm and rediscovering your truth and honestly, that feel hopeless. Easier to accept what is rather than change or revise.
So in our meditation, when Corinne asked us to look at our beliefs about our intent and heartfelt desire, I have to admit that my little voice said to me, "You really don't believe you can do this, do you?" And the honest answer was, "No, I don't! I know that I must take control of this situation, I know how to do so by eating well and exercising, I just don't believe that I can or will so it is easier just to have another cookie or piece of pizza."
Next week we will continue to look at beliefs as a way of bracketing the New Year. Kind of like my New Year's Resolution, stated in positive terms as though already realized:
I am healthy. I exercise regularly. I choose healthy foods and avoid sugar, white flour, and fried foods. I do not eat to "keep my child happy." I eat slowly and with relish and know when I have eaten enough. I am energetic and breath easily even on heavy tasks. My clothes fit well and I look good to myself in the mirror. I know I will never have the body of a 20 year old again but at least with my clothes on, I look good!
An interesting aside is that during the entire meditation Gregory did not exist. He was sitting downstairs reading a book, his companion had called in sick so I took him along, I knew he was busy and safe.
Upstairs I was meditating on issues that only had to do with ME! I thought of him once during the meditation but told myself he was OK and asked those thoughts to go away for now, which they did.
Often my heartfelt desires dealt with my being able to be patient with Gregory, and understanding, and successful as a caregiver etc. This was the first time I worked on only me, right from the beginning of the meditation.
Every now and then a "blessing" or "gift" arrives in your life. Corinne Peterson has been that for me. Arriving at just the time I needed to be able to find a peaceful place, outside my active and stressful days, away from the noise of my mind.
I had read a lot about the process and the need of meditation and I had thought I could just lock myself in the dark closet and "do it!" I never succeeded let along begun.
When Sarah McLaughlin, my massage therapist, introduced me to Corinne, my path was made clear. Thanks to both Sarah and Corinne for being part of my life.
I am taking this class at the Heartwood Center in Evanston with Corinne Peterson.
http://www.corinnepeterson.com/yoga-therapy/
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