Some Mornings

Some mornings he wakes up and nothing seems to work.

This morning he ran into problems with shaving. Shaver in hand, he called me into the bathroom trying to tell me something, but never was able to get to it. He pointed at the shaver, and then the mirror and said, "There is a little something."

That is as far as we got after his attempting to communicate several times. I waited patiently, guessed at a few things, and finally told him just to shave, which he did.

A little while later he called me again with the "light bulb" having gone on again, he struggled to tell me what he had realized, and failed again ... another dark communication. We have been up for 30 minutes.

He did OK beginning his shower, I was in the bedroom when I heard him shouting "Help! Help!" I came running to find that he was finished showering and had begun to turn the water off but only did so half way and was standing in the cold stream of water still coming out of the shower head.

I turned the water hot again so he could warm up and then we turned it off together. Actually he did so by himself without any help, just my standing there which made it a little more frustrating and confusing.

Next he struggled to put on his sweatshirt, arm through the head hole and out the sleeve. He kept mumbling, "No that's not right" and continued trying to figure out how to put it on. He sat down on the bed for a while seemingly trying to regroup. I held back and he finally did figure out how to put the shirt on.

We have been up for an hour.

While he was reading the newspaper, I set out the cutting board with his bread and honey and announced, "Your bead and honey are ready." He thanked me and came over to begin preparing his first of the morning food. I returned to the bedroom.

Some five or ten minutes later I went out to see how he was doing. He was standing by the toaster, looking back at the cutting board, and back and forth again and again.

He was unable to connect the toast needing to go into the toaster and the button needing to be pressed. We worked through the process together.

When the toaster was finished and his toast popped up, he asked, "Does that turn it off?"

I am grateful that he sought my help, that he was able to begin shaving and then to finish, that he was able to take a dump without my help, that he was able to shower for the most part, that he was finally able to figure out how to get dressed, that he kissed my head as he left the bedroom and said, "I love you," that he was able to read the newspaper, that he was able to eat his toast after putting on the honey, and that he was able to go back to his newspaper.

I am grateful that I was able to keep my patience, not jump in to help too quickly, that I didn't get emotionally involved, that I was able to move from one difficulty to the next without anger, and that he kissed me on the head and said, "I love you."

I am frightened that we are getting closer to my having to more closely supervise his shaving and showering, physically helping him get dressed, and not only making his breakfast but also toasting his first up before breakfast snack because when confused verbal instructions do not work.

We have been up for two hours.

Breakfast

POSSIBLE TITLES FOR THIS POST:

"Enough Said ..."

"Thousand Word Pictures"

"And on Sundays Oatmeal"

"I Love To Go A Nurturing" (Sung to the tune of Fanicule Fanicula)

"What I Do For Love" (From A Chorus Line)

"Control Those Things You Can"

BECAUSE

Today, surreptitiously observing, I read a cookbook while Gregory was making his breakfast. He was trying to use the "map" I created to help him with the task. It was not a success. On and off he has been able and not able to make his own breakfast. Most often it was 60-75% correct, me helping with the rest. Several times I have decided that it was time for me to take over making his breakfast BECAUSE it was easier to just do it for him compared to trying to explain what he needed to do. Most often the explanations didn't work so I did what needed to be done. Several times without saying anything I let him try again and several times did so BECAUSE he asked to try again.


Here is the detail of why I have once again decided that I should make his breakfast. It is somewhat of a complicated job but BECAUSE he likes his breakfast, "throwing some toast" at him would never do. BECAUSE he cannot accomplish the "routine" it is now one more thing I have added to my load. 


Maybe after watching him this time I am ready to accept this next responsibility. I told him that maybe I should take over making his breakfast BECAUSE in watching I noticed that he was having a lot of difficulty and that it was painful for me to watch his suffering through the process. He agreed and said, "Yes maybe it is time." This is the first time that he has agreed with such commitment.


THE DETAIL: Tea
He got out the loose tea but didn't know what to do with it BECAUSE there was no tea ball. He figured out what was wrong, got the tea ball and filled it with the loose tea. It still didn't seem quite right to him BECAUSE he had forgotten to put the usual placemat on his tray. He was still confused about the tea BECAUSE what he was missing was a mug in which to put the tea ball. I gently suggested that he needed a mug for the tea. 


THE DETAIL: Cereal
He got a mug and cereal bowl out of the cabinet and put them on the tray. The tea ball never got into the mug BECAUSE he was distracted when he next got a box of cereal from the cabinet and after studying it for a while, instead of pouring a portion into the bowl, he scooped with his hands.


THE DETAIL: Fruit
He got the cantaloup out of the refrigerator, cut three pieces, cleaned the seeds, and sliced the melon into his cereal. No help need here.


THE DETAIL: Bran Buds
Next he got out the plastic box filled with Bran Buds. He opened the box, handled the scoop, looked at the box, handled the scoop. Tried to scoop the box lid and finally put the box down BECAUSE it wasn't working. Next he noticed the label (which was turned away from him) on the box and commented to himself, "Oh that makes it easier." Maybe he didn't realize that he did in effect have the bran buds in hand? So he picked up the box, put the scoop back into the box, and closed the lid BECAUSE he thought he had added some to his cereal (which he hadn't.) I intervened.


THE DETAIL: Turkey Sausage
Next task was to microwave the turkey sausage. He remembered to get a plate this time, a paper towel, and a package of sausage out of the freezer. He unwrapped the sausage and placed them on the plate. 


It wasn't quite right BECAUSE he had put the paper towel down on the tray and by now had forgotten that it was supposed to be on the plate with the sausage. I mentioned the paper towel, he realized  that it was missing, found it, folded it in half and placed the plate into the fold BECAUSE he really didn't understand the necessary order. 


I helped him place the sausage between the folds of the paper towel and then put the paper towel on the plate. He asked, "How long?" BECAUSE after countless years of making his own breakfast sausage he didn't remember. "Two minutes." He was able to follow through. 


When the sausage had cooked, he took the plate out of the microwave (which is almost but not quite too hot to handle.) He danced around with the hot plate and then, BECAUSE he finally noticed that the placemat was not on the tray, didn't know what to do with the plate. He asked my help but I just watched. After a while of "dancing" he finally placed the plate on the counter. 


THE DETAIL: Putting It All Together
He just stood there not knowing what to do next. I got up and verbalized what I was doing, BECAUSE somehow it seems to defuse the situation, as I fetched the placemat and put it on the try, filled the electric tea kettle (which he had totally overlooked) and turned it on, put his cereal bowl and mug in place, put the tea ball into the mug, put the sausage plate on the tray, got him a spoon and napkin and finally filled his mug with boiling water and replaced the kettle. End of story, beginning of breakfast.


The detail is important to share with you BECAUSE it shows how complicated the task is for Gregory while maybe not so much to you or I, how easily it is for him to get distracted, and how difficult it is for him to follow through with multiple-step processes.  

Grateful Series

Although this BLOG is my place to process, rant, and share; I keep telling myself that I should write as well about things when they feel good, are going well, are successful.

Today, I am grateful that Gregory was able to get most of his breakfast together. I really mean it. He came and appropriately asked for help when he couldn't figure out how to get the fish out of the open tin and onto his crackers, he wasn't sure what was missing in his bowl of cereal and fruit that was lacking the soy milk, and he needed help figuring out that a tea bag is necessary with hot water.

But I really am grateful that he asked for help, did most everything else without my help, that I did not loose my patience, that my voice while helping was even, loving, and respectful, and that I do not feel like a train wreck. It's going to be a good day!