- Being able to attend Batia's service at the funeral home, with her family and friends and some fellow co-workers from the Lieberman Center, helped bring closure to her life and her death. Very often one shows up at Lieberman to hear that "so and so" passed. You don't get to grieve, you don't get to say goodbye. The family who have become part of your Lieberman Family also disappear. Often no chance to say goodbye, I am sorry, we will miss her.
- Batik's two daughters and son came back to Lieberman not only to clean out Batia's room but also spent several hours with residents and staff saying their goodbyes. They came back for the Sunday entertainment in the community room and sat with us. They made sure that the key people in Batia's Lieberman life were informed of her death and of the funeral arrangements.
- Their actions speak to what wonderful people they are, what wonderful children Batia raised. They will all be missed.
- When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'. Erma Bombeck
- This quote was shared by John, Batia's son at her funeral service today. I think it is a very fitting quote to reflect one way of looking at the losses a person with Dementia/ Alzheimer's experiences. In the end, everything is gone, well used, every single bit of talent. And then they move on to go home to their God.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Farewell Batia: Part II
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
UNITY World Prayer Day - September 10, 2015
I always say I do not pray. I certainly do not bargain or beg or promise. But I do contemplate my behavior, my actions, my wishes and desires; and when I am unhappy with them attempt to change them. Maybe that is what you call prayer. Maybe it is a question of semantics.
I won't even go into "Is there a God?" Lets just say that I respect you calling him/her what you want. I always say I do not believe in God but I do believe that there is something greater than I could ever hope to understand that somehow exists "so far out there" or "so deep inside" that helps govern our world, our lives, our selves.
I believe in meditation. I believe in quieting myself from the daily rigors and activities and craziness of each day and night.
I believe in doing good for those who need our support or help. I believe in lending an ear to someone who needs to talk. I believe in doing something for someone who cannot do it for them-self. I believe in holding someone's hand and sitting together silently.
I believe in doing what I can to help relieve suffering and pain; in myself, in my family and friends, in my community, in my world.
I believe that we, as individuals, by our beliefs and actions can change the world into a better place for everyone who lives here with us.
Then something like UNITY's World Prayer Day occurs and I feel good about it. UNITY is a positive religion that embraces most beliefs. Unity has people and centers that spend their time praying for others and their needs.
Maybe just that outpouring of energy can make a difference, maybe just the good feelings that occur inside a person when thinking and/or believing that this is possible can make a difference, maybe you and I can make a difference.
Here is more information about UNITY's World Prayer Day. Each link opens in a new window.
Click here for the Unity Site
Click here to learn more about World Prayer Day
Click here to light a candle for World Prayer Day
Click here to add names to the World Prayer Day list
I won't even go into "Is there a God?" Lets just say that I respect you calling him/her what you want. I always say I do not believe in God but I do believe that there is something greater than I could ever hope to understand that somehow exists "so far out there" or "so deep inside" that helps govern our world, our lives, our selves.
I believe in meditation. I believe in quieting myself from the daily rigors and activities and craziness of each day and night.
I believe in doing good for those who need our support or help. I believe in lending an ear to someone who needs to talk. I believe in doing something for someone who cannot do it for them-self. I believe in holding someone's hand and sitting together silently.
I believe in doing what I can to help relieve suffering and pain; in myself, in my family and friends, in my community, in my world.
I believe that we, as individuals, by our beliefs and actions can change the world into a better place for everyone who lives here with us.
Then something like UNITY's World Prayer Day occurs and I feel good about it. UNITY is a positive religion that embraces most beliefs. Unity has people and centers that spend their time praying for others and their needs.
Maybe just that outpouring of energy can make a difference, maybe just the good feelings that occur inside a person when thinking and/or believing that this is possible can make a difference, maybe you and I can make a difference.
Here is more information about UNITY's World Prayer Day. Each link opens in a new window.
Click here for the Unity Site
Click here to learn more about World Prayer Day
Click here to light a candle for World Prayer Day
Click here to add names to the World Prayer Day list
Monday, July 6, 2015
The Birds and The Bees
Today Gregory and I had the big talk. No not the one about The Birds and The Bees but rather the one about life and death. I wasn't sure that I wanted to blog about this but after much introspection, I felt that it is something worthwhile to share.
We all were born (thus the "Birds and the Bees.") And we will all die, but most often we do not tell each other the stories about that. We should. I did.
Sometimes people who care for each other so very much, so very deeply, need to let each other know that when their time of death is near, permission is granted to grab it and run. Don't miss the opportunity to talk about these things with your loved one, especially when he or she is ill or near death.
This is the conversation I had with Gregory yesterday. First I got his attention by asking him if we could talk about something. He focused in on me, with complete eye contact, and I began. During the entire conversation Gregory was more engaged with eye-contact then I have seen him in the last year! Periodically he would agree, or look down and shake his head, or seem to seriously be considering what I was telling him. He would say "Yes" or "I know" or he would shake his head.
He seemed to be with me for the entire conversation. His agreements were appropriately timed which to me showed understanding. He was very serious but I also felt that his face was showing a level of relief at our having the conversation. I told him that of course I would miss him and that I would cry but that I wanted him to know that when his time came to die, he needed to do it for himself and not to worry about me. I would be OK and would be happy that he was at peace, able to visit with his departed mom and dad, see his God. (A divergence for me but what ever is on the other side I referred to as God.)
He reached out and held my hand as I continued. I told him that if I get sick and need to die I will do that knowing that he has given me his permission to do so. And we can wait for each other at (as our niece and nephew say) that Great Starbucks in the Sky.
I cried a little and hugged him. He hugged me back putting his arm around my shoulder and patting gently with his hand. These are skills that he is not often able to accomplish. Again, I melted.
It felt good to have the conversation. Sometimes a person needs to hear that it is OK to "go home" and that the surviving person will be OK. Sad ... but ... OK. I am glad I had the conversation with my Gregory and I think he was also.
We all were born (thus the "Birds and the Bees.") And we will all die, but most often we do not tell each other the stories about that. We should. I did.
Sometimes people who care for each other so very much, so very deeply, need to let each other know that when their time of death is near, permission is granted to grab it and run. Don't miss the opportunity to talk about these things with your loved one, especially when he or she is ill or near death.
This is the conversation I had with Gregory yesterday. First I got his attention by asking him if we could talk about something. He focused in on me, with complete eye contact, and I began. During the entire conversation Gregory was more engaged with eye-contact then I have seen him in the last year! Periodically he would agree, or look down and shake his head, or seem to seriously be considering what I was telling him. He would say "Yes" or "I know" or he would shake his head.
He seemed to be with me for the entire conversation. His agreements were appropriately timed which to me showed understanding. He was very serious but I also felt that his face was showing a level of relief at our having the conversation. I told him that of course I would miss him and that I would cry but that I wanted him to know that when his time came to die, he needed to do it for himself and not to worry about me. I would be OK and would be happy that he was at peace, able to visit with his departed mom and dad, see his God. (A divergence for me but what ever is on the other side I referred to as God.)
He reached out and held my hand as I continued. I told him that if I get sick and need to die I will do that knowing that he has given me his permission to do so. And we can wait for each other at (as our niece and nephew say) that Great Starbucks in the Sky.
I cried a little and hugged him. He hugged me back putting his arm around my shoulder and patting gently with his hand. These are skills that he is not often able to accomplish. Again, I melted.
It felt good to have the conversation. Sometimes a person needs to hear that it is OK to "go home" and that the surviving person will be OK. Sad ... but ... OK. I am glad I had the conversation with my Gregory and I think he was also.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Blanch Sees God
Blanch approached Wanda, "I want to buy that painting!"
Wanda is a Lieberman Life Activities Director and Blanch is a resident on one of the Lieberman assisted living floors.
Gregory's paintings, from a show in the Lieberman lobby, will be up until March 1. Blanch approached Wanda about buying one of Gregory's paintings for her room and wondered how much it would cost.
The important part of buying the painting, Blanch told Wanda, is that you can clearly see God's face in that painting. Wanda studied the piece but could not see the face until Blanch pointed out the details. Now Wanda can see the face.
I am not sure if I want to see the face myself but was happy to offer Blanch a special "Resident Only Price" of $10.00 for the painting. She was overjoyed and will drop the money off at the front desk and get her painting today.
So much of life still goes on at Lieberman.
Wanda is a Lieberman Life Activities Director and Blanch is a resident on one of the Lieberman assisted living floors.
Gregory's paintings, from a show in the Lieberman lobby, will be up until March 1. Blanch approached Wanda about buying one of Gregory's paintings for her room and wondered how much it would cost.
The important part of buying the painting, Blanch told Wanda, is that you can clearly see God's face in that painting. Wanda studied the piece but could not see the face until Blanch pointed out the details. Now Wanda can see the face.
I am not sure if I want to see the face myself but was happy to offer Blanch a special "Resident Only Price" of $10.00 for the painting. She was overjoyed and will drop the money off at the front desk and get her painting today.
So much of life still goes on at Lieberman.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Gayle
Gayle lives at Lieberman on the assisted living floor. She and I have crossed paths a number of times on the elevator and I always smile and say hello to her.
Today she was at the Sunday November Birthday Party in the community room sitting not too far away from Gregory, Manny, and me.
She is pleasant enough but approaching her is a little difficult because of her lack of grooming, her being dressed in a night gown instead of something more appropriate to the party, her sad dour look.
I was feeling particularly sad for myself trying to cope with some of the more recent changes Gregory has been going through. Today he was extra quiet, seemed drugged, his neck holding his head at a painfully crooked angle, and his face looking like it was just hanging there.
Manny had tried to prop his head with pillows but instead of Gregory taking the pressure off his neck by leaning on the pillows, he seemed to rather hold it at that awkward angle.
So there I was sitting, holding and stroking Gregory's hand, listening to the singer crooning love songs, with tears running down my eyes.
I looked up and noticed Gayle sitting there looking at us. It seemed as if she had tears in her eyes. I thought to myself, I need to go over and chat with her a little. If I give her some of my love, I might be better able to carry my sorrow.
I walked over to her wheelchair, kneeled down, took her hand and said, "Hi."
She greeted me. "He is so young, you know!" she said about Gregory. "You know I pray for you both every time I see you and your love for each other."
"Sometimes I wonder if there is a God?" she asked.
I thanked her for her prayers and her kind thoughts and tried to cheer her up a little, "Well you know, Gregory is happy and calm and content in his own way. They take very good care of him here. And there is a God if only because of your prayers and smile. We both appreciate that very much."
She smiled back as I took my leave and went back to hold Gregory's hand. It worked. I gave away love and was given love in return, and contentment, and peace.
Today she was at the Sunday November Birthday Party in the community room sitting not too far away from Gregory, Manny, and me.
She is pleasant enough but approaching her is a little difficult because of her lack of grooming, her being dressed in a night gown instead of something more appropriate to the party, her sad dour look.
I was feeling particularly sad for myself trying to cope with some of the more recent changes Gregory has been going through. Today he was extra quiet, seemed drugged, his neck holding his head at a painfully crooked angle, and his face looking like it was just hanging there.
Manny had tried to prop his head with pillows but instead of Gregory taking the pressure off his neck by leaning on the pillows, he seemed to rather hold it at that awkward angle.
So there I was sitting, holding and stroking Gregory's hand, listening to the singer crooning love songs, with tears running down my eyes.
I looked up and noticed Gayle sitting there looking at us. It seemed as if she had tears in her eyes. I thought to myself, I need to go over and chat with her a little. If I give her some of my love, I might be better able to carry my sorrow.
I walked over to her wheelchair, kneeled down, took her hand and said, "Hi."
She greeted me. "He is so young, you know!" she said about Gregory. "You know I pray for you both every time I see you and your love for each other."
"Sometimes I wonder if there is a God?" she asked.
I thanked her for her prayers and her kind thoughts and tried to cheer her up a little, "Well you know, Gregory is happy and calm and content in his own way. They take very good care of him here. And there is a God if only because of your prayers and smile. We both appreciate that very much."
She smiled back as I took my leave and went back to hold Gregory's hand. It worked. I gave away love and was given love in return, and contentment, and peace.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Let Go & Let God (The Universe and My Inner Self)
Let's just say it is easier for now to use the word God if you allow me to define him/her in my own way. The concept here is that you can read the word in your way and I can read it in my way and probably both will have the same effect.
You may have read about my understanding of the God Concept previously, I did an entire run of posts "Searching for God" on my writer's BLOG, Scroll down the right column to the LABELS listing, find GOD listed alphabetically, click, and you will come to the 14 posts of which I speak.
(opens in a new window)
When asked, "What is the meaning of life?" I have the tendency to answer, "Love." Maybe the answer to "What is God?" is the same "Love."
All this leading up to today's entry in DailyWord, a very positive on life outlook publication from Unity that I would highly recommend to anyone looking for daily inspiration and understanding. It is not steeped in religion however does use God, and Jesus as focal points.
The Daily Word for today means a lot to me as I continue to work through Gregory's now being in long term care, never to return home again, never to share the daily life we used to lead even when "tainted" by Alzheimer's. I miss his being here with me even though it was often "hell." Sounds strange for me to be saying that but some changes are so big that they cannot be taken in all at once. Takes time, numbing, dealing, forgiving, understanding, etc.
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Saturday, December 14, 2013
Prayer
Often people will tell me that they are praying for Gregory and me. Other times people will ask us to pray for them or their loved ones. It is not that I mind, it is just that I am not sure "I believe."
When they say they are praying for us, I appreciate the love and understanding they are showing us. When asking us to pray for them, I appreciate the love and support for which they are asking.
We are not religious, we consider ourselves spiritual. We do not embrace any particular religion, Possibly Buddhism, which is more a belief system, is closer to what we do believe in. We do not pray or believe in some outside power taking care of us, we believe that God is within us, is us! I have written about this before.
My usual Facebook response to prayer, which I think serves the same purpose of making someone who has asked for our prayers feel heard is to say, "Sending positive healing thoughts to you and yours."
Recently this request was met by my further thoughts. Perhaps prayer is a way of centering oneself and focusing one's attention so action and/or thoughts can be directed towards new solutions, understandings, actions. I believe that the answer is within a person, not manifested in some outward diety or entity sitting on a throne in judgement of me.
I do not believe that begging, or bargaining, or feeling guilty is what a God would want from us. I think he/she would want us to have confidence in ourselves and know that we have all we need to make good decisions, come to good conclusions, take appropriate actions to solve our problems, to be good people ... or at least to be at peace if the difficulties cannot be solved/changed. And the courage to know and accept the difference?
When they say they are praying for us, I appreciate the love and understanding they are showing us. When asking us to pray for them, I appreciate the love and support for which they are asking.
We are not religious, we consider ourselves spiritual. We do not embrace any particular religion, Possibly Buddhism, which is more a belief system, is closer to what we do believe in. We do not pray or believe in some outside power taking care of us, we believe that God is within us, is us! I have written about this before.
My usual Facebook response to prayer, which I think serves the same purpose of making someone who has asked for our prayers feel heard is to say, "Sending positive healing thoughts to you and yours."
Recently this request was met by my further thoughts. Perhaps prayer is a way of centering oneself and focusing one's attention so action and/or thoughts can be directed towards new solutions, understandings, actions. I believe that the answer is within a person, not manifested in some outward diety or entity sitting on a throne in judgement of me.
I do not believe that begging, or bargaining, or feeling guilty is what a God would want from us. I think he/she would want us to have confidence in ourselves and know that we have all we need to make good decisions, come to good conclusions, take appropriate actions to solve our problems, to be good people ... or at least to be at peace if the difficulties cannot be solved/changed. And the courage to know and accept the difference?
Monday, September 23, 2013
Faith
I have often spoken about FAITH and asked ... "But faith in what?" Most people associate the word with religion and as you know, I do not consider myself religious.
From Zurchungpa's Testament by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche.http://www.shambhala.com/
FAITH IS CLEAR ASPIRATION
When the Dharma and one's being have truly mingled, then there is perfect faith. Faith also implies aspiration, a sense of longing. When we long to become very rich, for example, we do everything necessary, undergo great hardship, and expend a lot of energy to achieve this goal. The same is true for wishing to become famous or to acheive any other worldly goal: if our aspiration and determination are strong enough, we will manage to achieve what we want. This is a very powerful quality. Similarly, with faith there is a strong motivation and wish to achieve something, and a natural understanding of the drawbacks of not having this sort of aspiration. When faith has become truly blended with one's mind and become part of it, then one's Dharma practice naturally becomes genuine and pure. This is what is meant by the "perfect Dharma." This clear aspiration to practice the Dharma is what we call faith.
This article seems to sum it up for me. Faith is longing for something and then doing everything we can to achieve it. Therefore Faith in Oneself.
It also involves knowing and understanding the drawbacks and accepting that we might very well choose to never achieving the something. That is Belief in Oneself.
Respectfully not to offend some of you, but for me that does not include a God!
FAITH IS CLEAR ASPIRATION
When the Dharma and one's being have truly mingled, then there is perfect faith. Faith also implies aspiration, a sense of longing. When we long to become very rich, for example, we do everything necessary, undergo great hardship, and expend a lot of energy to achieve this goal. The same is true for wishing to become famous or to acheive any other worldly goal: if our aspiration and determination are strong enough, we will manage to achieve what we want. This is a very powerful quality. Similarly, with faith there is a strong motivation and wish to achieve something, and a natural understanding of the drawbacks of not having this sort of aspiration. When faith has become truly blended with one's mind and become part of it, then one's Dharma practice naturally becomes genuine and pure. This is what is meant by the "perfect Dharma." This clear aspiration to practice the Dharma is what we call faith.
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