Periodically I will add posts here if the sources provide additioanl informaiton on how to think about and deal with Dementia/ Alzheimer's Disease.
SCROLL DOWN FOR TEXT and BIBLIOGRAPHY from DAI WEBINAR 2/22-23/2017. You can also find this information on my website: www.horvich.com
Even though this blog is now dormant (see info below) there are many useful, insightful posts. Scroll back from the end or forward from the beginning. My guess is that you could spend a lot of time here and maybe learn or experience a thing or two about living with and loving someone with Dementia/Alzheimer's or maybe come away with the feeling that "you are not alone" in YOUR work with the same!
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THIS WAS THE FINAL POST TO THIS SITE BEFORE IT WENT DORMANT.
Happy New Year 2016. With a new year comes new beginnings and sometimes endings. If I am personally progressing and if I am doing a good job in my grieving Gregory's death; if I have been able to learn my lessons in living and loving someone diagnosed with Dementia/ Alzheimer's; if I am to get on with my life ... I need to bring this Alzheimer's blog to an end since my writing has been dealing less with Dementia/ Alzheimer's and more with life after Dementia/ Alzheimer's.
Of course, I will always continue to work for and support fair treatment on behalf of people with Dementia/ Alzheimer's and may post here from time to time. Also, there are many wonderful posts here through which you may browse.
With this change, I will continue and reinvigorate my "michael a. horvich writes" blog which deals with grieving Gregory's death, life lessons, personal experiences, observations, memoirs, dreams, and humor in essay and poetry, as well as an attempt now and then at sharing a piece of fiction.
Please follow me there by clicking http://mhorvich.blogspot.com or click the link located on the right side of this page.
Finally, COMMENTS are always important to me and you can still comment on the posts on this blog! CLICK "Comments" and sign in or use "Anonymous." Leave your name or initials if you wish so I'll know it's you? Check the "Notify Me" box to see my reply to you.
Monday, July 6, 2015
The Birds and The Bees
We all were born (thus the "Birds and the Bees.") And we will all die, but most often we do not tell each other the stories about that. We should. I did.
Sometimes people who care for each other so very much, so very deeply, need to let each other know that when their time of death is near, permission is granted to grab it and run. Don't miss the opportunity to talk about these things with your loved one, especially when he or she is ill or near death.
This is the conversation I had with Gregory yesterday. First I got his attention by asking him if we could talk about something. He focused in on me, with complete eye contact, and I began. During the entire conversation Gregory was more engaged with eye-contact then I have seen him in the last year! Periodically he would agree, or look down and shake his head, or seem to seriously be considering what I was telling him. He would say "Yes" or "I know" or he would shake his head.
He seemed to be with me for the entire conversation. His agreements were appropriately timed which to me showed understanding. He was very serious but I also felt that his face was showing a level of relief at our having the conversation. I told him that of course I would miss him and that I would cry but that I wanted him to know that when his time came to die, he needed to do it for himself and not to worry about me. I would be OK and would be happy that he was at peace, able to visit with his departed mom and dad, see his God. (A divergence for me but what ever is on the other side I referred to as God.)
He reached out and held my hand as I continued. I told him that if I get sick and need to die I will do that knowing that he has given me his permission to do so. And we can wait for each other at (as our niece and nephew say) that Great Starbucks in the Sky.
I cried a little and hugged him. He hugged me back putting his arm around my shoulder and patting gently with his hand. These are skills that he is not often able to accomplish. Again, I melted.
It felt good to have the conversation. Sometimes a person needs to hear that it is OK to "go home" and that the surviving person will be OK. Sad ... but ... OK. I am glad I had the conversation with my Gregory and I think he was also.