Today at Lieberman

Today is Bosses day. Manny, who is so considerate and gentle with Gregory, is also very thoughtful. He brought Gregory and me a miniature potted rose bush with a sign that said, "Happy Bosses Day!"

While covering Gregory with a blanket as he settled down to a nap, I accidentally hit him in the head with Peaceful, his Teddy Bear. It didn't hurt but Gregory appropriately and loudly announced, "Boink!"

When offering him a selection of chocolate from the Godiva box, he told me, "You pick. You have good taste." As usual he enjoyed his chocolate savoring each bit for a long time with his eyes closed.

I have put together a "Memory Book," filled with 8x10 photographs of our parents, family, friends, and pets. He seemed to enjoy seeing all the familiar faces but wasn't sure what he needed to do with the information. I assured him that he just had to enjoy the memories and love. He relaxed.

I made the mistake, which I will not make again, of telling him (as we looked at the photograph of Broadway, our first cat who died some 30 years ago) that Broadway was dead now. A look of utter sorrow took over his face as the tears poured down his cheeks while he muttered, "I didn't know. No one told me. I didn't even know."

I felt so sad for him. It was as if he had found out for the first time that she was dead. I held him close and we rocked for a while until he settled down. From now on when looking at photographs I will not place the person or pet as alive or dead. No need to know.

Gigi

With reference to the post early this morning: http://mhorvichcares.blogspot.com/2014/01/a-hard-place-to-be.html

Gigi, Gregory's chosen kitten who is somewhat aloof and loves only in her own time, came to me while I was weeping to offer her support! She hopped into bed, came up by the pillow, licked my face, and let me pet her for quite a while.

A Letter to Gregory's Last Companion

Ken,

Hope all is going well with your studies, and your assistantship. We are doing as well as can be expected. If you've been reading the BLOG (not expecting such) you will know what's going on. G continues to decline but I am continuing to rise above it in his support. We miss you but honestly do not think of you too often if only because we need to let you move on. You were the first companion and not only that you proved to be a special, loving person, so you will always hold special place in our hearts.

Alaksh has settled in and is doing well with Gregory. He is slowly learning how to interact with Gregory and not to read too much into their interactions as the Alzheimer's (as you know) is so completely unpredictable. One of the many good things about Alaksh that is different than you is that he cooks! And he is good at it. We loved your Ramen adventures but I have included Alaksh's cooking as part of our weekly time. Gregory and he go to Whole Foods, and together (as much as possible) decide what we will have for dinner (I just say "Surprise me!) and Gregory helps (as much as possible) with the cooking. And as you know, since Alaksh does the cooking, I have to clean up. But it is nice to be away and come home to dinner on the table. 

I am about to send my second volume of poetry to the publisher. When it is ready, I'll send you a copy. It is called, "Sit With Me A While Longer." It has at least as many if not a few more poems than the first volume and has lots more "chair" pictures. I am pleased with the results and as you can imagine many of the poems are informed by our journey with the big "A."

We are enjoying the beginning of fall, have mums on the balcony, and have been having the windows open more. Our kitties are now cats, continue to develop separate but interesting personalities and while they are the "demons from hell" at times, we love them and they give a lot back to us with their own kind of love.

Take care, I still have your pillow case and will mail it soon.

Fondly,

Michael (and Gregory)

Meditation: Round 2: Practice 1

I have begun the next round of seven sessions of Yoga Nidra Mindful Meditation with Corinne Peterson.
http://www.corinnepeterson.com/yoga-therapy/

It felt good to be back for the practice in what Corinne calls the "need to recharge." The session concentrated on the first 5 levels of the yoga practice (as pictured below) and lightly touched on the others.

My intention for the session was just to get back into the practice but also the word PEACE cropped up again.

My heartfelt desire is to be able to find a place where I can get away from yesterday, today, and tomorrow. To get away from myself, my responsibilities, my worries, my concerns. The ability to be in the NOW is so important and I want to be able to do that more often. The need to be at peace with myself and my life is so strong.

For at least one hour a week in Yoga Nidra, I can do just that, work on being able to do it more often on my own,  and as a bonus periodically get in touch with thoughts that I am not otherwise able hear because of all the noise in my head.

I revisited my Inner Resource, the place I have created in my mind where I feel secure, to which I can return at any time during the yoga practice or in my life when feeling over stressed, overwhelmed, or just in need of some peace and quiet.

I previously started out describing my Inner Resource as deep in a mature forest, with a clearing with dappled sunlight and flowers.

Then I added, just across a path, my tiny one room house just big enough for me to live, in my mind, comfortably and simply knowing how much is enough.

Next I added a rustic bench to the garden so I could sit and meditate and enjoy the flowers, the sunlight, and perhaps the mist dripping of the leaves during a rainstorm.

Later I added, about a block away at the edge of the forest, the ocean with waves that can be heard through the house's windows or while sitting in the garden.

Corinne suggested we give our internal resource a name so we can use it as a trigger to the inner peace and safety one feels there. I simply called it, "Peace."

This time while visiting my Inner Resource I added a few more things. First I decided that my RIP cats Mariah and Hoover and Broadway live there. When I visit I know they are asleep under the bed, or playing out in the forest, or whatever I want to imagine them doing.

Then I realized that my mother, the anniversary of her death coming up in less than a month, was there in the house with me. I decided that my "safe place" could also be a place where I could invite in and visit with family and friends who have died but whom I still hold in my heart.

It may feel a little strange to you, my looking forward to talking with the dead, but it makes me feel warm, and loved and will give me the ability to talk about things that I never had the chance to say while they were alive.

So I am well on my way to continued adventures with Yoga Nidra. I am also going to do a few sessions with Gregory which Corinne will tailor to his language abilities (if we can figure out where they lie) and see if he can benefit from just being in a quiet place with himself and no outside world expectations. As you can imagine, I will report back.

Finally I had to think about why I was posting my yoga experiences here on the Alzheimer's BLOG instead of my writer's BLOG. I guess Alzheimer's is such a large part of my life, as is Gregory such a large love of my life, that this was the best place for it.

More on Cats

They get up on the kitchen counter.
They steal things by carrying them off.
They howl plaintively as if someone was killing them.
They play roughly.
They run around the condo.
They play under rugs.
They play with couch pillows.
They scratch the leather furniture.
They leave their fur on furniture.
They leave their fur on clothes.
They track litter on the floor.
They leave litter smell.
They claw.
They bite.
They chew up things.
They eat shoe laces.
They destroy things.
They are expensive to maintain.
They disrupt your sleep.
They break things.
They ignore you at times.
They stain your bedspread.

They love.

Is it worth it? I am trying to decide. SO many emotions. They do give back but I am having to weigh the pros and cons and so far you can tell who is winning.

Gregory is not able to help with any of their needs let alone any discipline or training, if such a thing is really possible with these two.

I would (will) feel really badly having to take them back to the shelter but I cannot let guilt rule my decision. Also, it is MY decision which is another down of Alzheimer's, no one to talk to, no one with whom to decide.

Feline Alzheimer's

Cats, like their human companions, are living longer, and like people, can get diseases of old age such as arthritis, high blood pressure, kidney problems and dementia.

10 Clues that Your Cat Has Dementia

1. Spatial disorientation or confusion - getting trapped in corners or forgetting the location of the litter box. House-soiling is the most common reason for referral of old cats to animal behaviouralists.

2. Altered relationships either with their owners or other pets in the household - increased attention seeking or aggression

3. Increased irritability or anxiety, or decreased response to stimuli

4. Changes in sleeping patterns

5. Inappropriate vocalisation such as loud crying at night

6. Loss of memory, such as forgetting commands or breaking house training

7. Changes in activity - aimless wandering or pacing, or reduced activity

8. Lack of interest in food, although some cats actually want more food.

9. Decreased grooming

10. Confusion about time, such as forgetting that they have just been fed

Cats with CDS or feline dementia can still enjoy life if their symptoms are recognised early enough. Treatment options include:

• food fortified with antioxidants and vitamins,
• a stimulating environment with toys and playtimes with their favourite human
• medications prescribed by the vet.

However cats who have advanced dementia or CDS need to feel safe, and might not cope with changes to their food or routine that could frighten or confuse them.

Such cats should have a safe quiet space, perhaps just one room, where they can find everything easily and feel in control.

Dr Gunn-Moore also suggests applying synthetic feline appeasement pheromone to the cat’s rug or cushion can help to calm stressed or nervous animals.

Read more at Suite101: Does Your Cat Have Alzheimer's?: 10 Symptoms of Feline Dementia | Suite101.com http://sue-cartledge.suite101.com/does-your-cat-have-alzheimers-a42499#ixzz1Zl8qmEjn

Bears and Foxes and Lions, Oh My!

This first part was previously posted on my writer's blog.

When I first started visiting Green Bay Animal Hospital, the two veterinarians who staffed the clinic were Dr. Bear and Dr. Fox. Several years later Dr. Fox went on to open his own clinic and I followed with Hoover and Mariah, our cats. Today I took Mariah in for some bladder infection problems. Dr. Fox was not in and to my surprise, the doctor on duty was Dr. Lions. I love telling people that a bear, a fox, and now a lion take care of our pets.

I am reposting it here because the story takes an interesting turn. I explained to Dr. Lions that Mariah (our cat) has become "cranky" recently and that I have been keeping an eye on this looking at possible bladder infection, or developing arthritis in her hind legs which would also explain her change in toiling habits, namely peeing on the floor around the box and most recently on the bathroom rug.

Dr. Lions explained that this loud crying and "crankiness" could be part of what vets call "Old Age Complaining." Cats with aches and pains, confusion, cognitive changes will just complain. I commented, "Funny. Just what I need is more cognitive changes. About eight years ago, my life partner was diagnosed with young onset Alzheimer's Disease."

She explained that there actually has been some research done on aging cats that shows that there is an Alzheimer's like pathology that can develop.

Bring on the Aricept and Namenda ... or maybe just the antibiotics.