FOR GREGORY

Periodically I will add posts here if the sources provide additioanl informaiton on how to think about and deal with Dementia/ Alzheimer's Disease.

PLEASE NOTE:


SCROLL DOWN FOR TEXT and BIBLIOGRAPHY from DAI WEBINAR 2/22-23/2017. You can also find this information on my website: www.horvich.com


Even though this blog is now dormant (see info below) there are many useful, insightful posts. Scroll back from the end or forward from the beginning. My guess is that you could spend a lot of time here and maybe learn or experience a thing or two about living with and loving someone with Dementia/Alzheimer's or maybe come away with the feeling that "you are not alone" in YOUR work with the same!


• • • • •


THIS WAS THE FINAL POST TO THIS SITE BEFORE IT WENT DORMANT.


Happy New Year 2016. With a new year comes new beginnings and sometimes endings. If I am personally progressing and if I am doing a good job in my grieving Gregory's death; if I have been able to learn my lessons in living and loving someone diagnosed with Dementia/ Alzheimer's; if I am to get on with my life ... I need to bring this Alzheimer's blog to an end since my writing has been dealing less with Dementia/ Alzheimer's and more with life after Dementia/ Alzheimer's.


Of course, I will always continue to work for and support fair treatment on behalf of people with Dementia/ Alzheimer's and may post here from time to time. Also, there are many wonderful posts here through which you may browse.


With this change, I will continue and reinvigorate my "michael a. horvich writes" blog which deals with grieving Gregory's death, life lessons, personal experiences, observations, memoirs, dreams, and humor in essay and poetry, as well as an attempt now and then at sharing a piece of fiction.


Please follow me there by clicking http://mhorvich.blogspot.com or click the link located on the right side of this page.


Finally, COMMENTS are always important to me and you can still comment on the posts on this blog! CLICK "Comments" and sign in or use "Anonymous." Leave your name or initials if you wish so I'll know it's you? Check the "Notify Me" box to see my reply to you.



Saturday, January 18, 2014

A Hard Place To Be

It is half past midnight. I snuggle into bed. I read a little. I close the light. Time for bed. Time for sleep.
I feel the sadness rise in me and try to damp it down. Suppress it. Hold it in. Tell it, "Go away!"
The tears begin. The sobs begin. The shaking. The howling. The gasping. The flood. The tsunami.
So many never-agains. So many for-evers. So many never-to-be futures for him, for me, for us.

I miss my friend, my love, my partner, my soul mate, the only one who really matters to me.
Never to be held. Or rocked. Or poked.  Or joked. In the same way now as then. Never again.
Never to be supported but to support him. Never to calmed but to calm him. Never to be OK again.
Never to ease my pain but to be in pain so strong, so sad, so deep, so insidious, so lasting.

I miss him so much. What he used to be. What he has been. What he could have been yet.
I miss us so very much. What we used to be. What we have been. What we could have been yet.
I miss myself so much. What I used to be. What I have been. What I will yet become without him.
Change is so hard. A rock and a pitcher. A rock and a hard place. Rock, Paper, Scissors. Broken.

The tears continue. The sobs continue, The howling gets louder. The future grieves and so do I.

1 comment:

  1. Ride the wave. Know that there are many of us, inadequate as we may be, to support you when you can come down.

    ReplyDelete

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