PLEASE NOTE: Even though this blog is now dormant there are many useful, insightful posts. Scroll back from the end or forward from the beginning. Also, check out my writer's blog. Periodically I will add posts here if they provide additional information about living well with Dementia / Alzheimer's Disease.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

To Breathe, To See, To Live

The Gregory we know and love only exists in our memories now. He is still handsome although seems older. He is still playful although on a simpler level. He responds and replies but at a lower level.

His world is safe and comfortable although on a very narrow scale. His routine is established but only with guidance and at a less active pace. He is full of love, patience, and compassion as he tries to help other residents around him.

He is still full of the wonder of life although the amazement is often at the common. His memories and experiences may still be there but they are not available to him.

He loves to walk and explore but now only around the secure unit. He is creative and artistic but now with crayons and paper. He still loves to eat although mostly with his fingers, being grateful for what ever is on his plate.

He lives in the moment and by watching him do so, I have learned to do so as well. We hold hands, we stroll the halls together, I sit with him at meals, we watch re-runs of old TV shows, we read aloud, we have a snack or some chocolate, we just sit together, we lie together head on shoulder in his narrow bed.

Yet more gifts Gregory has given me lately is knowing how to live in the moment, knowing how much is enough, having unqualified compassion for others, the true value of not only forgiveness for others but mostly forgiveness of self, finally allowing patience to come easily and without fear of the future.

I love this man so much. I am grateful that he has taught me how to love him in the moment because if I try to remember the good times, the past times, or to grieve the future times ... at least for the time being ... I do not think I will be able to breath for the sobs, to see for the tears,  to live for the loss.

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