Last Breath
By: Kate Swaffer
Remember when the time comes
To breath in very deep
Take my very last breath
And make it your own
This poem was written by my blogger friend from Australia in her book of poetry Love, Life, Loss: A Roller-Coaster of Poetry. Of all her wonderful poetry, this poem moved me the most when I read it several months before Gregory died.
The day before he died, after three days of his being in a non-responsive state, I kissed him three times on his open mouth and on the third kiss, he kissed me back.
A short while after he died the next day at 12:04 on Sunday, October 4, 2015, I sat with his beautiful body and told him everything I needed to say. I held his still warm hand. Before leaving, I kissed his open, cold mouth and I breathed as deeply as I could.
He smelled of the sweet Gregory I have loved for forty years and will love for the rest of my life. He has been, is, and will always be part of me in so many ways.
His ashes sit in his Grandma Carrie's sewing box which lives on my bedroom bookcase and his breath lives within me.
Showing posts with label Goodbyes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Goodbyes. Show all posts
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Saturday, October 3, 2015
Gregory III
I am home, my god-son is staying with me and also spent yesterday and today at the Lieberman Center.
Many friends have come through and many of the staff, administrators, cleaners, laundry ladies etc have come through to say goodbye to Gregory and to hug me, many crying on my shoulder.
I left at 5, with G in the good hands of the nurses who will check every hour. He is resting so peacefully and while his face is a little drawn and gaunt, he looks like an angel.
I believe that he will leave when I am not there if only because if I am there, he will sense me and my love and that will complicate it for him to let go.
Before I left, I crawled gently into bed, put my head lightly on his chest, and we talked. I gave him permission to leave assuring him I would be OK. I apologized, telling him I knew that he already forgave long ago me for the times I was mean or frustrated or acted out of anger and fear, but that I needed to once more to make myself feel better.
I told him how much he means to me, how much he has influenced my life, thanked him for encouraging me to be not only myself but more of myself, and told him that I would continue talking to him when he left and maybe I would in one way or another hear from him.
I got out of bed, kissed him all over his face, then kissed his open, shallow breathing lips three times. On the third time he kissed me back! One final Monumental Momentary Miracle.
Many friends have come through and many of the staff, administrators, cleaners, laundry ladies etc have come through to say goodbye to Gregory and to hug me, many crying on my shoulder.
I left at 5, with G in the good hands of the nurses who will check every hour. He is resting so peacefully and while his face is a little drawn and gaunt, he looks like an angel.
I believe that he will leave when I am not there if only because if I am there, he will sense me and my love and that will complicate it for him to let go.
Before I left, I crawled gently into bed, put my head lightly on his chest, and we talked. I gave him permission to leave assuring him I would be OK. I apologized, telling him I knew that he already forgave long ago me for the times I was mean or frustrated or acted out of anger and fear, but that I needed to once more to make myself feel better.
I told him how much he means to me, how much he has influenced my life, thanked him for encouraging me to be not only myself but more of myself, and told him that I would continue talking to him when he left and maybe I would in one way or another hear from him.
I got out of bed, kissed him all over his face, then kissed his open, shallow breathing lips three times. On the third time he kissed me back! One final Monumental Momentary Miracle.
Friday, October 2, 2015
Gregory II
It is so heard to believe it all. You know it is coming but then your are surprised. The pneumonia seems to be winning and Gregory has slept all day yesterday and today. Therefore he is unable to eat or drink. His fever was high but came down as the day passed. His pulse is fast, his blood pressure low, his breathing shallow, his oxygen level (even with using oxygen) is low. His cough has calmed with the help of morphine drops under his tongue. His breathing, while labored, is even and he is not at all distressed. I wish you could see his face which is calm and at peace as an angel's. Peaceful the bear is snuggly nestled in Gregory's arms.
I called many family and friends in the area to give them a heads up and to let them know that if they wanted to say goodbye, now was the time. Not only were they devastated but so were the Lieberman administration, nurses, staff. The kitchen manager brought up a basket of fruit, water, and juices. The ladies who do laundry said their goodbyes. The managers of many departments came to give their sorrows and regards.
All the CNAs were truly sad, said their goodbyes to Gregory and gave me heartfelt hugs. Family members of other residents who heard dropped by. One resident family member brought me hot chicken soup, a sandwich, and a bottle of soda. Over the morning and afternoon hours, at least 10 friends sat with us.
The hospice rabbi, who was off today, came in anyway to sit with us. The hospice nurse as well as the Lieberman nurses were in and out of the room checking on Gregory to make sure he was comfortable. The hospice social worker went out of her way to make sure I was OK.
Manny was there as was Halina, Gregory's private care workers. The Director of Nursing called me to offer her support. I was overwhelmed by the support showered on Gregory and me at this difficult time. Together, Gregory and I took Lieberman by storm and left a great impression on all who came in contact with us. They are all grieving with me, sad for us, happy for Gregory.
I left around five and Manny left around six. Gregory was resting comfortably and the nurses would check him every half hour. If he seemed in distress they would increase his morphine. My gut told me that after a long day of people sharing their love and grief, Gregory would enjoy the peace and quiet.
I also felt that by my being there he would sense my emotions and sorrow and be hesitant to leave us. I said my goodbyes, gave Gregory permission (if he needed it) to move on to his next adventure without having to worry about me. Sure I would miss him like crazy but I didn't want him to stay on just for me. He could go when he was ready.
As soon as I know more, I will write the next post.
I called many family and friends in the area to give them a heads up and to let them know that if they wanted to say goodbye, now was the time. Not only were they devastated but so were the Lieberman administration, nurses, staff. The kitchen manager brought up a basket of fruit, water, and juices. The ladies who do laundry said their goodbyes. The managers of many departments came to give their sorrows and regards.
All the CNAs were truly sad, said their goodbyes to Gregory and gave me heartfelt hugs. Family members of other residents who heard dropped by. One resident family member brought me hot chicken soup, a sandwich, and a bottle of soda. Over the morning and afternoon hours, at least 10 friends sat with us.
The hospice rabbi, who was off today, came in anyway to sit with us. The hospice nurse as well as the Lieberman nurses were in and out of the room checking on Gregory to make sure he was comfortable. The hospice social worker went out of her way to make sure I was OK.
Manny was there as was Halina, Gregory's private care workers. The Director of Nursing called me to offer her support. I was overwhelmed by the support showered on Gregory and me at this difficult time. Together, Gregory and I took Lieberman by storm and left a great impression on all who came in contact with us. They are all grieving with me, sad for us, happy for Gregory.
I left around five and Manny left around six. Gregory was resting comfortably and the nurses would check him every half hour. If he seemed in distress they would increase his morphine. My gut told me that after a long day of people sharing their love and grief, Gregory would enjoy the peace and quiet.
I also felt that by my being there he would sense my emotions and sorrow and be hesitant to leave us. I said my goodbyes, gave Gregory permission (if he needed it) to move on to his next adventure without having to worry about me. Sure I would miss him like crazy but I didn't want him to stay on just for me. He could go when he was ready.
As soon as I know more, I will write the next post.
Monday, December 30, 2013
I Wish You Enough
This came across my Facebook page and I felt it worth sharing.
Recently,I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said:"I love you and I wish you enough."The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left.The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?""I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?" She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."She then began to cry and walked away.They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.t the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said:"I love you and I wish you enough."The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left.The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?""I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?" She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."She then began to cry and walked away.They say it takes a minute to find a special person.
Recently,I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said:"I love you and I wish you enough."The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left.The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?""I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?" She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."She then began to cry and walked away.They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.t the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said:"I love you and I wish you enough."The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left.The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?""I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?" She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."She then began to cry and walked away.They say it takes a minute to find a special person.
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