FOR GREGORY. He was not a VICTIM of ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE, he was a HERO!
PLEASE NOTE: Even though this blog is now dormant there are many useful, insightful posts. Scroll back from the end or forward from the beginning. Also, check out my writer's blog. Periodically I will add posts here if they provide additional information about living well with Dementia / Alzheimer's Disease.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
But for the most part I feel good and joy is the pervasive emotion. I find myself talking to him, feeling his presence, and sometimes (if only in my mind?) he responds or takes my hand or we laugh together.
In some ways, thinking about and understanding Death makes no sense so why think about it or try to understand it? Death is mysterious, it is magical, it is scary. But Life does make sense and at least one can try to understand it. Life too is mysterious, it too is magical, it too is scary ... but at least one can live it and experience it. Death not so much!
When I am down, I think about Gregory no longer having to deal with Alzheimer's and my being free to pursue the next chapter in my life. The realization that all of his dementia difficulties and limitations went "poof" when he left his corporal body was amazing to me and gives me peace of mind.
By the last few years of Gregory's and my life, Dementia/ Alzheimer's was the dominant partner in our relationship. All decisions, activities, and time spent together was interpreted through it. We both made the best of the situation, developed new ways of interacting, and were able to spent time IN THE MOMENT with great love and joy.
My life is almost fully functioning once again. I know that I still have a way to go to fully open outward. As Gregory's life became more insulated and safe and narrow, so did mine. Growth continued for both of us. His was more towards patience and receiving, mine was more towards patience and giving.
We both learned more about being in the moment. In many ways my world became about him. Now I can begin to look at my world in relation to the world. It is a little scary but I am ready.
A lot of this sounds "trite" but is true. Short of poetry, when discussing death and life and love, all the possible word combinations have been written and rarely do you read anything totally original. So let these words try to comfort you anyway (and me.)
To celebrate the one month anniversary of Gregory's death, I lit a yahrzeit candle, will visit the residents I've come to love at Lieberman Center, and will go out to dinner with Isaac, God Son.