FOR GREGORY

Periodically I will add posts here if the sources provide additioanl informaiton on how to think about and deal with Dementia/ Alzheimer's Disease.

PLEASE NOTE:


SCROLL DOWN FOR TEXT and BIBLIOGRAPHY from DAI WEBINAR 2/22-23/2017. You can also find this information on my website: www.horvich.com


Even though this blog is now dormant (see info below) there are many useful, insightful posts. Scroll back from the end or forward from the beginning. My guess is that you could spend a lot of time here and maybe learn or experience a thing or two about living with and loving someone with Dementia/Alzheimer's or maybe come away with the feeling that "you are not alone" in YOUR work with the same!


• • • • •


THIS WAS THE FINAL POST TO THIS SITE BEFORE IT WENT DORMANT.


Happy New Year 2016. With a new year comes new beginnings and sometimes endings. If I am personally progressing and if I am doing a good job in my grieving Gregory's death; if I have been able to learn my lessons in living and loving someone diagnosed with Dementia/ Alzheimer's; if I am to get on with my life ... I need to bring this Alzheimer's blog to an end since my writing has been dealing less with Dementia/ Alzheimer's and more with life after Dementia/ Alzheimer's.


Of course, I will always continue to work for and support fair treatment on behalf of people with Dementia/ Alzheimer's and may post here from time to time. Also, there are many wonderful posts here through which you may browse.


With this change, I will continue and reinvigorate my "michael a. horvich writes" blog which deals with grieving Gregory's death, life lessons, personal experiences, observations, memoirs, dreams, and humor in essay and poetry, as well as an attempt now and then at sharing a piece of fiction.


Please follow me there by clicking http://mhorvich.blogspot.com or click the link located on the right side of this page.


Finally, COMMENTS are always important to me and you can still comment on the posts on this blog! CLICK "Comments" and sign in or use "Anonymous." Leave your name or initials if you wish so I'll know it's you? Check the "Notify Me" box to see my reply to you.



Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Happy Anniversary

On today, which the one month anniversary of Gregory's passing, I am doing really well and honestly believe that I am allowing my emotions to visit as they need. Every now and then I am overwhelmed (expected) with missing him. Every now and then I will have a memory that triggers my tears. Once and a while I will miss not being able to experience an adventure with him.

But for the most part I feel good and joy is the pervasive emotion. I find myself talking to him, feeling his presence, and sometimes (if only in my mind?) he responds or takes my hand or we laugh together.

In some ways, thinking about and understanding Death makes no sense so why think about it or try to understand it? Death is mysterious, it is magical, it is scary. But Life does make sense and at least one can try to understand it. Life too is mysterious, it too is magical, it too is scary ... but at least one can live it and experience it. Death not so much!

When I am down, I think about Gregory no longer having to deal with Alzheimer's and my being free to pursue the next chapter in my life. The realization that all of his dementia difficulties and limitations went "poof" when he left his corporal body was amazing to me and gives me peace of mind.

By the last few years of Gregory's and my life, Dementia/ Alzheimer's was the dominant partner in our relationship. All decisions, activities, and time spent together was interpreted through it. We both made the best of the situation, developed new ways of interacting, and were able to spent time IN THE MOMENT with great love and joy.

My life is almost fully functioning once again. I know that I still have a way to go to fully open outward. As Gregory's life became more insulated and safe and narrow, so did mine. Growth continued for both of us. His was more towards patience and receiving, mine was more towards patience and giving.

We both learned more about being in the moment. In many ways my world became about him. Now I can begin to look at my world in relation to the world. It is a little scary but I am ready.

A lot of this sounds "trite" but is true. Short of poetry, when discussing death and life and love, all the possible word combinations have been written and rarely do you read anything totally original. So let these words try to comfort you anyway (and me.)

To celebrate the one month anniversary of Gregory's death, I lit a yahrzeit candle, will visit the residents I've come to love at Lieberman Center, and will go out to dinner with Isaac, God Son.


6 comments:

  1. "As Gregory's life became more insulated and safe and narrow, so did mine. Growth continued for both of us. His was more towards patience and receiving, mine was more towards patience and giving.

    We both learned more about being in the moment. In many ways my world became about him. Now I can begin to look at my world in relation to the world. It is a little scary but I am ready."

    I am getting ready too, and feel so torn... <3

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    1. A recent post of mine talked about all of Gregory's Dementia/ Alzheimer's difficulties going "poof" when he left his corporal body. While it was hard for me to accept his leaving, I could not be "selfish" to think it was all about me. He knew that I would be OK! One of my sayings is: "If one truly embraces the wonders of life, than one must truly embrace the wonders of death. They are both an even part of the continuum." My heart is with you Susan.

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  2. Dear Michael,
    Like so much of your writing about your loving relationship with Gregory through good and difficult times, your description of the one month anniversary is so similar to what I felt. You are ready to move on with life while you are filled with the positive memories of the incredibly, loving years you spent with Gregory. How truly fortunate we have been even continuing into the "grieving" times.

    Love and hugs,
    Barbara

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Barbara. I truly value our relationship as family, friends, and fellow Alzheimer's advocates.

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  3. Love to you Michael. Mazeltov.

    I still feel anniversaries now & then, 14 years after Betty's death (my late partner, 23 years my elder).
    Now & then I do invoke her spirit, her courage, her "no holes barred" way of seeing the world. It helps me see clear.

    I know too that this amazing woman that I now share my life with, Veda (Blossom Rock), will leave me filled with the glorious sound of her voice lulling me to sleep, and her smile, her anticipation of each new day, her exclamations of delight at the wild birds flying down the valley at dawn, whether she can make a sound then or not, will rock my soul. 💜

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    1. Lynda, I do believe that we never can be left behind by or leave behind those we love. They live on in a sacred place in our hearts that both contains our love and our pain. There we can still be together as the love continues to grow and the pain begins to lessen.

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