Parenthesis

parenthesis |pəˈrenTHəsis|noun ( pl. parentheses |-ˌsēz| ) a word, clause, or sentence inserted as an explanation or afterthought into a passage that is grammatically complete without it, in writing usually marked off by curved brackets, dashes, or commas. 

Gregory has become a parenthesis.

Several years ago, when Aaron (a doctoral candidate to whom we were introduced by our massage therapist Sarah, and whose research we became part of) got to know us, he commented that he was impressed that we still functioned as a "couple." That we were in a relationship that still functioned even though Gregory's Alzheimer's was slowly changing the face of that relationship. 

More accurately, I guess that I would say we functioned with RESPECT for each other. Even though I was "in charge," handled all of our finances, made all of our decisions, took care of all the details, etc; I tried to make sure that Gregory was part of and informed of all the things I was doing. Gregory in turn deferred to me and accepted, with faith in me, my new role.

Slowly, however, he needs to be less part of the decision making process. For example in the beginning he would decide what to order from the menu when we ate out. When he couldn't decide what to order, I began to offer suggestions off the menu. Eventually I narrowed it down to: "Do you want beef or chicken?" Now I just order for him. He is always pleased with my selections and often will reply with, "Oh goodie. This looks really good."

At this point in our relationship, I make all of the decisions in our life. I let Gregory know about activities the day before and again on the day of, but usually do not go into much detail or give too much advance notice because he only forgets or gets agitated about not being able to remember what I told him. This leads to a usually failed guessing game on my part.

I often do not ask his advice because even if he has some, he is unable to communicate it. Now-a-days it sounds more like this. Instead of "What color do you think we should paint the hall?" it is "I was thinking of paining the hall the same shade of white." He will agree. Instead of "When do you want to go visit your family?" it comes out "I think we will go to Michigan to visit your family soon." He will agree. Instead of "Do you want to go to the movies?" it is "We are going to see Batman." 

I still work hard at treating Gregory with respect but the face of it has changed. Here is something I just recently noticed. In the past, I would sign a letter, or birthday card, or e-mail: Love, Gregory and Michael. Based on social convention, the person doing the writing always puts their name last.

Then I began to sign them: Michael and Gregory. Now I have begun to sign some of them: Michael (and Gregory.) I guess I have moved to this format to show that it is a communication from me, not necessary discussed with or part of a decision with Gregory. If I know that Gregory would also send love or a greeting if he could, I leave out the parenthesis: Michael and Gregory.

Interesting. It seems that Gregory has become a parenthesis, inserted as an explanation or afterthought into a passage that is grammatically complete without it. A somewhat fitting description of what our relationship has become.