Dumb Shit

Today during my visit with Gregory I attempted to give him a kiss. As I moved towards him, he said, "No!" So I backed off and then attempted again. This time he swatted me with his hand breaking my glasses.

"You dumb shit," I yelled, "Now look at what you did. I can't believe you were so careless and now my glasses are broken. What are you, some kind of retard? Fool?"

He just looked at me.

"Now I have to take these fucking glasses to be fixed and live without them for a week until I get them back," my anger elevating, "that was so inconsiderate of you and quite thoughtless. You really piss me off, all I wanted was a kiss and now look at what you have done!"

He just looked at me.

No, I didn't really say or think any of the above. The fact that he struck out and inadvertently broke my glasses was just a fact of life. Wasn't his fault. Maybe was my fault. I really wanted a kiss but sometimes his "No" means "Yes" so I tried again. Next time I will be more careful about getting in his range without protecting my glasses.

We just continued our visit as I taped my glasses together, laughing to myself at the image of a nine year old Michael who used to have to tape his glasses together more often than not, and laughing together about something else as I offered him a Tootsie Roll and popped one into his mouth.

Before I left for the day, I asked for a kiss, he leaned in and gave me one and I kissed back. It worked this time.

I also got to thinking about what I would have said if Gregory had broken them for me some 15 or 20 years ago. I probably would have been angry and read him the riot act. Or maybe not. But it makes me feel bad to think that we have had to get to this point for me to so calm about things, not to blame, to take things in stride. What really matters in life and in love is respect, understanding, compassion, and a few other descriptors.

I sure do love that man, even if I have to see him through my broken glasses.