PLEASE NOTE: Even though this blog is now dormant there are many useful, insightful posts. Scroll back from the end or forward from the beginning. Also, check out my writer's blog. Periodically I will add posts here if they provide additional information about living well with Dementia / Alzheimer's Disease.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Panchamaya Kosha Session Four

I am including this "michael a horvich writes" post on the "michael a horvich cares about alzheimer's" BLOG. While I have decided to separate my personal writing from my Alzheimer's writing, this post really related to both as it discusses what I have termed "Acceptable Grief." Read on:

Interesting Yoga session today if only because earlier in the day my psychologist and I did a hypnosis session which was very much like a Yoga Nidra Mindful Meditation Session.

Then this evening, in quick summary, we breathed, stretched, focused, and meditated. A lot of attention to self and growth today!

In quick review, as the sessions have taken place we have moved from:
1) The Physical Body (using yoga movements) to
2) The Energy Body (using breath work) to
3) The Mental-Emotional Body (using the tool of sound/chant)  and this evening
4) The Wisdom Body (using the tool of meditation.)

This level of the Panchamaya Kosha deals with personality, character, and our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. We alternated breath work with stretching work with meditation and cycled through these several times before doing the final Yoga Nidra rest.

During the Yoga Nidra meditation, when dealing with beliefs, my "voices" gave me the concept of "Acceptable Grief."

When in deep meditation, most times my mind quiets enough for me to be able to get in touch with deeper thoughts and ideas.

They present themselves in "understandings" or "images" rather than words or text. I refer to these as "my voices."

Then in these BLOG posts, I have to try to interpret what I "felt" into what I "thought."

Acceptable Grief.

grief |grēfnoundeep sorrow, esp. that caused by someone's death: she was overcome with grief. To this definition, I would add a great sense of loss. 

Obviously my concept of Acceptable Grief applies to the path that Gregory has been traveling with Alzheimer's Disease and on which I have chosen to accompany him. We both have been through so much over the last ten years and such quick change over the last four and a half months.

I find that while I still grieve for the loss of my lover, best friend, soul mate, and life companion, I am at peace with our current situation. He is being well taken care of at Lieberman, I am continuing to revitalize my life, and we both are doing well. 

When I am with Gregory I am able to be in the "Here and Now" as he is. Mine by choice, his by circumstances. I try not to think about our past or our future when I am with him.

When I am home I try to be in the "Here and Now" as well and I try not to think about  our past or Gregory in is situation.

For the most part, Gregory is comfortable, content, and happy. For the most part, I am filled with joy, happiness, and contentment.

But the Grief is always with me and now and then surfaces. When it does I pay it attention, cry if I need to, and in some ways embrace it. The concept of Grief not only includes the sorrow but also the joy in Gregory's and my situation. We are both in a good place. I would not have chosen it this way, but none-the-less, we are both in a good place. And that is acceptable. Thus, Acceptable Grief.

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