PLEASE NOTE: Even though this blog is now dormant there are many useful, insightful posts. Scroll back from the end or forward from the beginning. Also, check out my writer's blog. Periodically I will add posts here if they provide additional information about living well with Dementia / Alzheimer's Disease.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Haunting (Part 2 of 2)

No, not "Haunting" like Freddie Kruger in "Nightmare on Elm Street" or some scary movie like "Psycho" or "Silence of the Lambs." But rather an experience I had the other evening at Lieberman that left a strong image in my mind.

What I want to share "haunts" me because like with so many of my interactions with Gregory, I will never really know the true meaning or many of the significant details. But I can close my eyes and clearly see and feel the experience.

Usually I visit Gregory during the day before - during, or after lunch or the same for dinner. Most often Manny is attending to Gregory as Private Care Helper and he will take a break while Gregory and I visit.

Often our visits have an activity associated with it like me giving Gregory a manicure, or talking about the pictures in one of his books, watching TV, having a piece of fruit of a bite of chocolate, working with a beach ball for exercise, me giving Gregory a massage, or all of us joining in one of the floor's activities or going down to the community room for an all building event.

The other day I arrived at Lieberman at 7:00. Manny had left by 5:30 and Gregory was "parked" in Wing A watching TV with the other residents. He was at the far end of the wing and as I approached I realized his arm and hand was up in the air over his head signaling he saw me, or here I am, not sure which. I waved back and he kept his arm in the air until I reached him.

I had crossed the head of the wing a few minutes earlier on my way to drop some stuff off in Gregory's room and I wonder if he saw me come and go then. I guess I am amazed that he was so aware that he saw me approaching. Usually he is distracted or has a fixed focus on something or another.

Either way, it was a nice welcome and reception for me and was a first. I wonder what was going on in his mind. I wonder at what point he noticed me in Wing A. I wonder if he thought I was not going to come find him. I wonder if he misses me when I am not there or if he even knows that I am not there and brightens up when I am. I wonder if he remembers that I was there after I leave.

Sometimes it is important to me to have a "heart to heart" with Gregory and share what I am feeling or thinking. For example,  I say, "I really miss you so much and wish we could be together more often. I know that neither of us would have wanted it this way but I know that we both also know that you are being well taken care of and are safe. It seems to me that you are happy and content and that makes me feel good. I love you so so much."

I think Gregory hears and understands me and sometimes we cry together, other times we laugh together. Maybe he just senses my sadness or happiness and that is to what he reacts.

"Dayanu," It would have been enough! Lieberman, being a Jewish organization, makes me end this piece saying, "Dayanu, It would have been enough." I do not really need to know what Gregory is thinking, only to see him smile or laugh or cry with me.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Comments are always welcome. You are appreciated! If you do not have a sign-in on any of the accounts below ... use ANONYMOUS. All comments are moderated and will appear as appropriate. Thanks. Please, keep commenting!