FOR GREGORY

Periodically I will add posts here if the sources provide additioanl informaiton on how to think about and deal with Dementia/ Alzheimer's Disease.

PLEASE NOTE:


SCROLL DOWN FOR TEXT and BIBLIOGRAPHY from DAI WEBINAR 2/22-23/2017. You can also find this information on my website: www.horvich.com


Even though this blog is now dormant (see info below) there are many useful, insightful posts. Scroll back from the end or forward from the beginning. My guess is that you could spend a lot of time here and maybe learn or experience a thing or two about living with and loving someone with Dementia/Alzheimer's or maybe come away with the feeling that "you are not alone" in YOUR work with the same!


• • • • •


THIS WAS THE FINAL POST TO THIS SITE BEFORE IT WENT DORMANT.


Happy New Year 2016. With a new year comes new beginnings and sometimes endings. If I am personally progressing and if I am doing a good job in my grieving Gregory's death; if I have been able to learn my lessons in living and loving someone diagnosed with Dementia/ Alzheimer's; if I am to get on with my life ... I need to bring this Alzheimer's blog to an end since my writing has been dealing less with Dementia/ Alzheimer's and more with life after Dementia/ Alzheimer's.


Of course, I will always continue to work for and support fair treatment on behalf of people with Dementia/ Alzheimer's and may post here from time to time. Also, there are many wonderful posts here through which you may browse.


With this change, I will continue and reinvigorate my "michael a. horvich writes" blog which deals with grieving Gregory's death, life lessons, personal experiences, observations, memoirs, dreams, and humor in essay and poetry, as well as an attempt now and then at sharing a piece of fiction.


Please follow me there by clicking http://mhorvich.blogspot.com or click the link located on the right side of this page.


Finally, COMMENTS are always important to me and you can still comment on the posts on this blog! CLICK "Comments" and sign in or use "Anonymous." Leave your name or initials if you wish so I'll know it's you? Check the "Notify Me" box to see my reply to you.



Monday, May 19, 2014

Guilt vs Remorse

While I feel pretty guilt free, I do relive moments in the past when I was not as kind to Gregory as I could have been. I know that I am "only human" but that was still no excuse, in my opinion, for my behavior to be controlled by anger, fear, frustration, confusion, etc that is Alzheimer's Disease. Not Greogry L. Maire ... but Alzheimer's Disease! It was wrong, bad, a failure!

I know that I cannot go back and "fix" the behavior and I do know it caused me to try harder to be better. Last night as I was thinking about this, I told myself, "Now you are able to repay and are repaying Gregory for those times you were mean. It has been four months since he has been at Lieberman and you have been only loving, kind, supportive, caring. Not once have you gotten angry, frightened, confused, and/or frustrated.

Then this morning I came across this article in Tricycle. In the Buddhist way, what I have interpreted as "bad" and "guilt" was turned around in a way that convinced me "I am only human." When GUILT is looked at as REMORSE, with the resulting change in understanding and behavior, it is not as painful. It is even part of the human experience with its nudge towards continued learning and improvement. 

I used to tell my students that making mistakes is part of the game. If you are not making mistakes you are not stretching yourself beyond what you already know. If you are not making mistakes it is because you already know the content and are learning nothing new.

If anything, both Alzheimer's and Buddhism have helped me to continue to stretch, and learn, and grow ... and to not feel guilty or "bad" about it or me!

Remorse
By Ezra Bayda

One particular difficulty, which is one of the most effective catalysts to awakening the heart, is experiencing the pain of remorse. Sometimes we get a glimpse of the fact that we're living from vanity or unkindness or pettiness, and we feel a cringe of conscience. This is the experience of remorse, which arises when we become acutely aware that we are going against our true nature ― against the heart that seeks to awaken. We can feel the pain we cause others, as well as ourselves; and this experience is almost always sobering. In fact, perhaps as much as anything, the pain of remorse can motivate a profound desire within us to live more awake and more genuinely. From the pain of deep humiliation ― from seeing how we go against our true nature ― real humility can awaken...

From Tricycle, Summer 2014, P.18.

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