Sometimes it is so easy to accentuate the negative instead of the positive. How many times have you retold your sad story to friends or family members. I believe that while we cannot control what happens to us as we journey through life, how we view the things that happen is our choice.
The Importance of Letting Go: Four Pitfalls to Avoid
If you let go of having the need to figure out a problem, the answer will come. Wanting to understand or figure out why, or from where, problems arise; can be a major obstacle to healing. We unknowingly hold on to and exacerbate our problems by trying to figure them out. What you focus on enlarges. As we seek a cure for what ails us, we actually make it harder for ourselves to heal.
1 - I suffer therefore I am. We identify with our problems; it is as though we justify our existence by having obstacles to overcome and suffering as much as we can bear. We become so versed in being the person with a particular problem that we fear we won’t know who we are without it. When we take a moment to reflect on our problems, we may even discover that we’ve grown so attached to these patterns of thought and behaviors that it’s hard to imagine ourselves without them. Rather than being open to the uncertainty that comes from letting go, we cling to the artificial sense of security that comes from knowing what to expect, even if that expectation is not beneficial to us. Change is frightening, and we often stay stuck because of fear.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Think of a problem that you believe belongs to you and ask yourself: Would I rather have the false sense of security that comes from knowing all about this problem, or would I rather be free? If you’d rather be free, you’ll spontaneously let go of your attachment to the problem and you’ll begin discovering natural solutions to it.
2 -But what will I talk about? Most of us base a significant amount of our interpersonal communications on seeking sympathy for our problems by commiserating with others about them. Often we become such experts at describing our problems to others that we don’t want to stop. Sharing our problems is not detrimental; but when we constantly recycle our problems to friends and family we prohibit our self from letting go of the problem at hand.
So do you want to be stuck telling the same problem over and over again, in an endless loop. Ask yourself, are you sharing your grief with friends, or are you seeking approval for your problem? Do you want approval for the old problem or freedom?
3 - It’s mine, that’s why. Pride is a shifty emotion. Just like we feel proud of our accomplishments, we also get hooked into being unconsciously proud of our problems. We feel special for having our problems. This pitfall on the path to freedom may take the form of feeling proud of having prevailed even with the problem, proud of being able to bear up under it for so long, or proud of having a problem that is unique to us.
If you feel that your problems make you “special,” if you find any pride in owning them, let go of the pride and you will find yourself free to let go of the problem too.
4 - But why, where did this problem come from? We want to understand, or figure out why, or from where problems arise which can also be a major obstacle to letting them go. We feel we must hold on to our problems in order to figure them out. We only truly need to understand a problem if we are planning in some way to maintain it.
Would you rather understand your problems or be free of them? If you would rather be free, let go of wanting to figure them out. Live in the now. If we dwell on the past in an effort to analyze a problem, to find our why or from where, we must leave the present moment—the only place where we can truly solve anything.
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