Ruined Men

The title of this BLOG is certainly ironic and inappropriate but there is a message in it. After several postponements due to snowy weather and poor driving conditions, Gregory and I finally got to Battle Creek to visit his family in time for Easter.

It was important not only to visit family, but especially to spend time with Mark, Gregory's brother who had a serious stroke a year ago Christmas and who is still only slowly recovering.

Mark is unable to swallow due to paralysis and therefore still has his tracheotomy, a feeding tube, and is unable to talk. Luckily he still is cognizant and able to write down his thoughts, questions, needs. While he gets around fairly well, he is certainly more feeble than he was before the stroke.

Gregory, as you know, has been traveling the Alzheimer's Journey for at least ten years that we know of, is unable to take care of himself and therefore dependent on me for most needs. He lacks the ability for the most part to use and/or understand language, has great difficulty in making the associations necessary to carry on daily life.

On the outside you wouldn't be able to tell that anything is wrong except that Gregory would seem very quiet and non-participatory. But when working with him you would soon find out his lacks.

So here we have two "Ruined Men" whose lifestyles certainly are nothing like they used to be before their illnesses. Mark a successful businessman, "go-getter," active in the community, hunter, sailor, intelligent, excellent father and husband, hands on kind of person and Gregory, his brother, Phi Beta Kappa at Harvard, high end successful well known architect and interior designer, close to concert pianist, intelligent, devoted lover and friend, hands on kind of person.

On arriving in Battle Creek and walking into Mark and Diane's home, when they saw each other and hugged with such affection and love, and didn't need to say a word except for the tears that welled up in their eyes, you realized that they were not "Ruined Men" at all but very much together in their humanity.

Through both of their severe, debilitating illnesses they are happy, content, hopeful, optimistic, joyful, and never forget how to say "I love you" to those around them. They wake up each morning looking forward to living life as fully as they are able and they go to bed at night having enjoyed the day.

Many times during the week end visit, you could find Gregory and Mark sitting quietly together, holding hands, looking into each others face and smiling, or just being together watching the TV or the family interactions and Easter meal preparations.

I think that both men might be more together, more content, and less ambitious than any of us in the rest of the family. Who is to say.