Kate

Extremely moving post by friend Kate:

http://kateswaffer.com/2015/09/06/women-families-and-dementia-dam2015-day-6/#respond

Here is my reply:

Kate,

Often people will say, "I know exactly what you mean!" and it rings so false and so placating. However, again with tears blurring my view, I know so well almost everything you have discussed in this post. In some ways nothing I can say will lessen the impact and intense sadness you discuss.

Changes in relationships, socialization,  sex, movies, TV etc are the easy ones to overcome. Being the one who could still change while the other can no longer, is somewhat less easy but still OK. The slow disappearance of the person you love most in the world is the painful one.

For a long time I softened the concept of "carer" by calling Gregory and me a "Caregiving Team." I used to say to others (not expressing but feeling anger) I WASN'T a caregiver; I was a partner, a friend, a soul-mate, a lover, a spouse - and caring is what you do when you love someone.

While sometimes it was hard to separate the anger from its cause, I always knew it wasn't with Gregory that I was angry.

Fear? Yes. Worry? Yes. My own frustration and confusion? Yes.

Eventually I did become the care giver and now with the Lieberman Center Memory Care Facility in the picture I have become the secondary caregiver but I have won back quality, wonderful time together with Gregory.

It has been a difficult journey but I chose freely to walk beside Gregory on his path and somehow the love wins out, gives extra strength, helps us find the way, stifles the fear and worry, and keeps us going for those we love. It has for Gregory and I as it will for you and BUB and your family.

Fondly,
Michael