How Many Times?

How often can I cry out to the mountains, pleading
When its weight in rocks is my life's daily pain?

Screaming NO NO NO in my sad, lonely silence
Until my throat and breathing cries NO NO NO.

Overwhelmed. Devastated. Exhausted. Sad.
Tears of blood flowing, washing down my face.

With my emotions which are no longer valid to him
But still oh so valid for me, oh so valid, oh so real.

He does not cause this, but I am brutally caused.
He does not control, this but I am cruelly controlled.

Not understanding even the words I very carefully use
Nor the explanations I still try to give, to help, to share.

We sit at the restaurant table with our closest friends
I hold his hand, stroking, trying to help him be involved.

Love cannot describe the immensity or the agony of my love
That no longer soothes but only torments and tortures.

How often can I cry out to the mountains, suffering
When its weight in rocks is my life's daily pain?

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