These Leavings

(Mark and Colleen visited this weekend. It is early, raining and they have just left. I find myself crying, sobbing, howling, rocking as my kitty shares concerned consoling rubs on my legs. The computer is scheduled to turn on at 8:00 am. I sit down in front of it and this poem arrives, by itself as they often do, with little help from me. Having written it, I can now return to bed, perhaps to sleep for a few more hours and then off to visit Gregory.)

These Leavings

You inhabit our home
With your life and love
You, the only ones
Who really know
Really Understand.

And then comes time
For you to leave
Returning to your home
So I cry and grieve
Yet another leaving.

And my apartment
Is once again filled
To overflowing
With emptiness
Alone.

The reality of it
Needing to be cried
But rarely allowed
Announces and arrives
In torrents.

"I knooooooow"
"I knooooooow"
"I knooooooow"
Pours out with tears
But I don't really.

Afraid to loose myself
In the river, the stream
Unable to breath
Afraid of getting lost in
"I knooooooow."

And then another day
Of getting through life
Finding joy here and there
A laugh or two or three
Always on shoulders of sorrow.