This Morning

As usual, this morning Gregory made the bed. Bottom sheet, top sheet, blanket, four pillows. This morning was a little different, however, in that he had the bed completed, neatly done, and hospital cornered when he realized that he had left off the top sheet. It was sitting in full sight on the bench at the bottom of the bed but he just didn't see it. This my is the "I am so fearful of what the future will bring" part.


After his mild reaction with an "Oh Shit!" Gregory unmade the bed and remade the bed correctly. He wasn't upset or angry and the curse word was more a realization than an emotional reaction. As usual, he faces each new day, each new confusion with grace and calm. This is my "I am so grateful for how well he deals with his Alzheimer's" part.


Every night after reading for a while, when it is time to turn off the lights and go to sleep, Gregory has to relearn the process. Each bedside table has two switches attached to the back corner of the table. The top one turns off the table lamps. The bottom one turns off one set of the room's side lights. I flick off the switches without thinking.


When it is Gregory's turn to turn off the lights, he first feels for the switches, isn't always sure what his fingers are telling him, so he leans up in bed to look behind the table to get a visual fix on the switches. He likes to turn off the lamp first and then enjoy the room's ambience with only the side lights on. Finally he uses the bottom switch and the room falls into darkness.


I can feel the energy of his thinking through the process. Sometimes I can see the process as he flicks the lights on and off, sometimes three or four times, until he understands how they work and until he can get the order of switching correct.


Again, I grieve and fear for the future that he has lost such a simple ability but I am grateful that so much of the wonderful man I have loved for 32 years is still there.