I Have Lost Myself

SPOILER: HEAVY READING AHEAD...

In 1996, Dr. Konrad Maurer and his colleagues, Drs. Volk and Gerbaldo, rediscovered the medical record of Auguste Deter. In it Dr. Alzheimer had recorded his examination of his patient,

"What is your name?“

"Auguste.“

"Family name?“

"Auguste.“

"What is your husband's name?“ - she hesitates, finally answers:

"I believe ... Auguste.“

"Your husband?“

"Oh, so!“

"How old are you?“

"Fifty-one.“

"Where do you live?“

"Oh, you have been to our place“

"Are you married?“

"Oh, I am so confused.“

"Where are you right now?“

"Here and everywhere, here and now, you must not think badly of me.“

"Where are you at the moment?“

"This is where I will live.“

"Where is your bed?“

"Where should it be?“

Around midday, Frau Auguste D. ate pork and cauliflower.

"What are you eating?“

"Spinach.“ (She was chewing meat.)

"What are you eating now?“

"First I eat potatoes and then horseradish.“

"Write a '5'."

She writes: "A woman"

"Write an '8'."

She writes: "Auguste" (While she is writing she again says, "It's like I have lost myself.")

Alzheimer concluded that she had no sense of time or place. She could barely remember details of her life and frequently gave answers that had nothing to do with the question and were incoherent. Her moods changed rapidly between anxiety, mistrust, withdrawal and 'whininess'. They could not let her wander around the wards because she would accost other patients who would then assault her. It was not the first time that Alzheimer had seen a complete degeneration of the psyche in patients, but previously the patients had been in their seventies. Deter piqued his curiosity because she was much younger. In the weeks following, he continued to question her and record her responses. She frequently responded, "Oh, God!", and, "I seem to have lost myself". She seemed to be consciously aware of her helplessness. Alzheimer called it the "Disease of Forgetfulness".

CUE THE TEARS ...