Managing our Finances

When asked for a survey, 

• What was it that happened that made you realize you needed to take over your loved one’s finances?
  
• What did you expect it would entail? What does it really entail?
  
• If you have been doing this for awhile now, what do you wish you knew then that you have learned now?

This is how I responded. 


I have found that over time I take on more and more of the responsibilities that I used to share with or which used to be done alone by my partner. This "taking over" has become a natural progression of being able to continue dealing with the twists and turns of Alzheimer's. My gradual "taking over" helps both of us feel less frustrated. One does what one has to do. Complaining and fretting doesn't help what is.

I am fortunate in having a well founded, over 35 year committed relationship with Gregory so we are "used to each other," and have build a high level of trust in our love for each other. He continues to be aware of what he is NOT able to do and looks to me for support, which I am able to give gracefully (most of the time.) I read on a web site that Circle of Care recently reviewed that if I am not able to be gracefully caring all of the time ... there is no question that at least I do care all of the time. He has been able to give up his grand piano, driving, cooking, and more with little or no fuss and I have been able to compensate. His quality of life and sense of self continues to be strong. From what I hear, this might be a miracle.

Running our daily financial affairs is no big deal. What was a big deal, especially for a same sex couple without the benefit of being legally married, was: 1) getting our trust in order, 2) getting our power of attorney for property and health care taken care of, 3) arranging for Gregory to receive Social Security Disability and Medicare at 55 when he was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's. It will become even more difficult when or if he needs to go on Medicaid. We had a wonderful elder care lawyer to help, the State of Illinois Department on Aging (it seems that most states have something like this,) and gratefully I am intelligent enough to figure our what we needed to do.

What do I wish I knew then that I know now? YOU CAN DO IT! The fear and depression can slow you down but YOU CAN DO IT! And there are people and organizations out there for the express purpose of helping you. Don't feel overwhelmed even though it is overwhelming. Take one bite of that elephant at a time, chew, digest  and before you know it that elephant will have turned into dinner. YOU CAN DO IT!