A Visit with Margaret

Yesterday Gregory and I had invited Dominga and Margaret to drop by for some Christmas Cheer. Dominga used to be the general housekeeper for our condo building. She also takes care of our cat Mariah when we are out of town. Now she is taking care of Margaret (who also lives in the condo) 24/7. Margaret has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease.

Margaret and Dominga arrived at 3:00. When we answered the door, Dominga handed me the black rubber door stop she used to prop open the door while she pushed Margaret’s wheelchair through into the unit. Margaret was dressed very nicely in her black slacks and red, black, and white sweater and shiny black pumps. Her hair was well groomed and she was wearing just a hint of perfume. Her glasses were perched intelligently on her nose. She seemed very happy to see us although we had only met her briefly in the lobby once before. Kisses and hugs all around.

She complimented and went on about how nicely our home was decorated. “Really fancy. Quite elegant. Who did all this? How nice!” I offered Dominga and Margaret a choice of coffee, tea, or a glass of wine. Margaret said wine would be lovely. I asked if she would prefer red or white. She said white would be lovely. Meanwhile, Dominga was signaling in the background, “No wine. Medications. No wine.” I poured the wine for the rest of us and opened a can of LeCroix carbonated water and filled a wine glass for Margaret. I squeezed a slice of lemon into the sparkling water. When I handed it to her I said, “Here is your champaign.” She sipped it and said, “Lovely.” 

After we all had our drinks and were sitting in the living room, we made polite conversation. Our conversation with Dominga was comfortable as we have known her for a while and had things in common. Our conversation with Margaret was a little more interesting and unpredictable. Gregory was mostly quiet. I carried most of the conversation, as I am so good at (and used to doing.) 

In response to my questions to Margaret, intermingled with general conversation with Dominga, Margaret was variously 47 to 87 years old, had two to four sons, mentioned Gary as her son and at times as her husband, had lived in the condo for 8 years (the condo has only been open for 2,) gushed again over how elegant our place was, and commented frequently on the snow that was drifting by outside the living room windows. She was looking forward to the Chanukah party that her son (husband) was giving on the weekend downstairs in one of the restaurants (really the condo’s community room.)

Then she wanted to go. She turned to Dominga and gruffly said, “You got me into this, now I think it is time to go.” I asked Margaret if she wouldn’t keep us company for just a little while longer and with her returned sweet smile and kind demeanor she said, “Of course.”

Eventually it was definitely time for them to leave. Margaret was getting a little angry. Very often people with Alzheimer’s get agitated when the sun begins to go down. Scientists are not exactly sure why Sun Downing occurs but say it could be caused simply by change, less light, shadows, body chemistry, who knows? 

Margaret was very loving and appropriately affectionate throughout her visit. Once she was in the process of leaving, her anger and agitation disappeared. Hugs and kisses were important on her arrival as well as on her departure. We gave Dominga a box of chocolates wrapped in Christmas paper and Margaret a small round tin of raspberry sucking candies. The tin wasn’t wrapped but had a red bow on the top. She was so pleased to get a gift but tried to give the ribbon back. She wasn’t sure what to do with the tin. 

Total visit time: 56 minutes.

Margaret: RIP January 2008