Carrots

Now that I have posted about the good things, I'll share with you the most recent "explosion."

• • •

Gregory arrived at the bedroom door, where I was working at my computer. He couldn't tell me what he wanted to tell me. He finally said, "Can I show you something?"

Back in the kitchen where he was making his lunch, he pointed at the salad drawer which was sitting on the counter. "Do you notice what's missing?" He said this is a way that felt like because something was missing he couldn't go on with making his lunch. I went into my problem solving mode (probably a mistake.)

"Nothing is missing." I said.

"Yes."

"No." At least nothing that would prevent him from continuing his lunch preparation.

"Yes."

I got more basic. "You mean there are no carrots?" Everything else was there but the carrots.

"No."

"Then what. The only thing we are out of is carrots."

"Yes. Carrots."

"But you just said 'No." OK. And why are you telling me this? So I can put the on the grocery list?"

"No."

"Is the fact there there are no carrots stopping you from making lunch?"

"No,"

"Then why are you telling me about this?"

SILENCE

"Is it because you want me to put them on the grocery list?" Repeated.

"No."

"Then what do you want me to do?" Repeated.

SILENCE

I walked over to the cabinet where we keep the grocery list and showed him. "Do you want me to put them on the list?

"Yes. I guess." I didn't dare ask what he meant by I guess since we had had such difficulty traveling so far as it was.

I, stupidly and knowing better, then continued to review all the gives and takes, pushes and pulls, yes's and no's that got us to that point and ended by saying, "And you probably haven't followed anything I've just said and why do I go on?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Then why do I carry on. Sometimes these exchanges, communications or lack there-of just get rolling and can't stop. I am trying to be better. I want to be better. I wish I was better. And then I feel like shit!