But Not Necessarily For Kittens

Let me recount a beautiful but sad experience I had at 6:00 this morning. Since Gregory's illness has progressed, I have become a light sleeper. So this morning I was instantly aware that Gregory was awake. I couldn't tell if the noises he was making were laughter or crying.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"No." he replied through his tears. "I miss her so. Do you know who I mean?"

I quickly thought of his mother, Helen, whose death anniversary is tomorrow. Maybe that is who he meant but our conversation took a different direction. Perhaps he was awake or just back from a dream. Either way I did not analyze.

"No, not my mother. My painting teacher. Nancy. I wish she would come back. I miss her so!" and he continued to whimper and sob. "Where is she?"

By now I was wide awake, on my elbow, holding his shoulders and we rocked. "She is in California at an art show. She'll be back. It will be OK. It will be Ok." And we rocked.

Tears began to run from my eyes, unasked and unannounced. It makes me so sad when he is sad. But I could only be there for him and lie by his sadness. Soon he calmed down, "I am OK now. Isn't that silly. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. No it isn't silly. I know you really miss Nancy. She'll be back soon."

I know how much he has been enjoying his new artistic endeavor painting with oils. I know how important his relationship with Nancy is. As she says, their time together needs no language and we seem to have a quiet ability to communicate, not necessarily with lots of words.

"Maybe I shouldn't say this but I have an idea for a piece. With all grays," he inserted into my thinking. Then, "Do you think I could take two or three pieces to the party?" he asked like a small boy would ask. He was referring to the Oscar Party we are going to tonight at Danny and David's. We have been doing this for some twenty years now.

"Perhaps that wouldn't be a good idea. We don't want to take the focus away from Danny and David. We could make a few smaller photographs of your paintings to carry in your wallet if you would like."

"That would be nice. This is so silly. I am sorry."

"Honey don't apologize. It's OK. Sometimes waking up from a dream can be difficult and strange."

"But not necessarily for kittens," he said as he petted our cat Mariah who was at his side, "Not necessarily for kittens."