For me a good day is when the expectations and interactions of the day are such that no major or few confrontations take place. Even with my lowered expectations for Gregory I get frustrated and/or angry. Angry at ALZ, but none the less the emotion that shows is anger.
He is so often "normal" that when the ALZ "flairs up" I forget and respond as I "normally" would based on the expectations of pre-ALZ days. Or I misinterpret the situation and react inappropriately and with frustration. Then I feel bad at making him feel bad. One of my major goals is to allow him to feel whole as much as possible and during these difficult episodes I am not at my best.
On the days he is successful in most of what he attempts, most of what I request him to do, and most of our interactions, I feel like it has been a "good day." On a "bad day" I try not to beat myself up too much but rather work harder at being patient and supportive and aware of his needs and his "state of the moment."
Michael, you are tremendously loving and caring......do NOT beat yourself up for any little wrongdoing, or hint of wrongdoing......this whole situation is full of imperfections, and you should not punish yourself for anything you feel, say or do.
ReplyDeleteBe kind to yourself, as well as to Gregory.....you both deserve it.
Love you
Your comments are strong and appreciated. Thanks Linda.
ReplyDelete