This article was taken from "Perspectives"
Lisa Snyder, LCSW UCSD Shiley-Marcos Alzheimer’s Research Center 9500 Gilman Drive – 0948 La Jolla, CA 92093 Phone: 858-622-5800 Fax: 858-622-1012 email: lsnyder@ucsd.edu
Creating Caring Partnerships
We frequently hear and read about Alzheimer’s “caregivers.” This word implies that others give care to the person with Alzheimer’s who receives it. In fact, many people with Alzheimer’s or a related dementia are quite capable of being caring to those who are trying to care for them. More recently, the term “care partners” has received some attention as a more descriptive term for the relationships that can occur in the early-stages of a dementia.
We asked people living with Alzheimer’s or a related disorder: What are the qualities of a good care partner?
Their following answers apply to all in- volved in the care partner experience whether you are the person with early- stage dementia or a loved one:
“Don’t gang up on or crowd a care part- ner. It can be overwhelming if too many people are trying to help at once with too many different ideas.”
“The ability to listen and not be talking all of the time is important in a respectful care partnership.”
“A happy person – someone who smiles and tells an occasional joke.”
“It’s good to have things that you enjoy doing together – shared interests and ac- tivities make a more positive care partner- ship.”
The ability to have open communication and say things that are important to you without the other person getting all worked up.”
“Compassion is an essential ingredient in a care partnership – trying to understand what the other person may be going through. Alzheimer’s can be hard not just on me but on those around me.”
“Don’t always do things for the other per- son; partner with the other person so you accomplish things together. My wife and I do the bills together now and although she does the cooking, I try to do the dishes.”
“Put on your ‘listening’ ears – it’s not enough to just hear someone. You have to pay attention and listen to their message without a lot of other distractions.”
“Adjust your expectations of each other. Sometimes my wife wants me to try to do something that I just don’t think I can do anymore. And sometimes I ask more of her and expect her to do too much or am not sensitive to everything she already does for me.”
“Try to reduce each other’s stress level. Sometimes small acts of love or kindness go a long way.”
“Look out for each other’s health. I need help with my medications because I forget what I have to take, but my husband needs to exercise so I make sure we walk every day.”
“Good care partners know when to step in and when to back away. Everyone needs a little space and some peace and quiet.”
